


The First Time Through

by The_Unqualified1



Series: Stockholm [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: But Condensed, But also Love and Gain, Crimson Flower-ish, F/F, Grief and Loss, I don’t think it will be M but just incase, Some fluff! More than we’re used to for sure, War is coming, Well that was fun! And now Angst, close to cannon, the in-between scenes we never got but needed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:28:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 42,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23901601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Unqualified1/pseuds/The_Unqualified1
Summary: Before there was Stockholm... there was their first meeting. A fateful encounter between a stoic mercenary and three young nobles that would, unbeknownst to them, shape the destiny of Fodlan and of each other. This is the story of two girls with wildly different paths in life intercepting each other, and begins with an exchange of flowers, and ends in crimson stains.A standalone adventure in the Stockholm Universe.The First Life.
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg & My Unit | Byleth, Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Series: Stockholm [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1657924
Comments: 42
Kudos: 75





	1. Lost in a Moment

**Author's Note:**

> Hey party people, first and foremost welcome to this little story of mine.  
> So this prequel and the others will be separate lives that go beginning to end. This one is our starting point, giving us Crimson Flowers in the in between scenes. I have some ideas, because there are so many fics that cover this part of the game and cover it well, so I try and use it as structure to almost experiment with our chapters interactions around them.
> 
> I’m doing this thing now with the Prequels where every chapter title is related to a song so I’ll post it here if you want to give it a listen. Great way to share music (which always inspires me) as well as content.  
> Lost in a Moment - Darius  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNeMJxEPmMc
> 
> I like to call this a concise retelling of Crimson Flower.  
> If you haven’t read Stockholm, that is perfectly fine. This is standalone, though the ending will make more sense if you have. But we have plenty of time before that :)
> 
> Up front I’ll tell you, this was written for an entirely different project, before Stockholm was even a breadcrumb in my mind, but I will never have the energy to take that on now, so instead I took the residual energy from finishing Stockholm and combined it here.  
> So it’s gonna sound, different than my tone for the rest of my stories. And I kind of like that. I think starting with this more emotionless Byleth that evolves as we go will be plenty entertaining. We’ll find out together.

**Part 1 - The First Time Through**

That day hadn’t been anything special. Another early morning. Another unexpected mission. Another group of bandits to put down. She’d barely have been able to recount it to you afterwards… but then... she met her. And then nothing was like anything ever again.

They’d woken early to move the troop on to their next job in the Kingdom when three kids came running into the camp. She thought of them as kids not because of the difference in age, but in experience. Their clothes and demeanor read noble, and they were apparently being pursued by bandits. Confirmed, moments later when the villagers called out in panic that they could see brigands flooding past the guard tower.

Jeralt sighed and agreed to fight. Byleth didn’t question. She never did. If her father fought she would too.

Jeralt signaled her to stay close to the nobles as he broke off to protect the villagers, which she assumed came with the responsibility of keeping them alive. _She’d try._ The lance wielder had joined the fray almost too eagerly, while the archer had already picked a vantage point. _Clever._ She saw the axe-wielder break off to clear the sides of the enemies flanking off into the town. _Also good_. Two of them had picked tactical locations, leaving her to worry about the boy with the lance.

He’d engaged two opponents at once and deflected their blows with his weapon out horizontal, their blades pressing into his with everything they had. Though he matched their strength, they pushed him to a tree and pinned him behind his own lance. A third attacker rushed directly at him, axe raised. He defended himself by kicking his feet up from the ground, firmly planting them in his chest and sending the brigand flying. _Nice move._ Byleth was there a second later and slashed at the man to his side, freeing the hilt of the lance and giving the boy in blue enough movement toswing his weapon and overpower the last foe.

He smiled his thanks.

“Stay close to the trees. Harder target to hit.” Byleth offered in passing, and continued on.

A few warriors had barreled in with throwing axes and hurled them endlessly toward the archers hiding position. He was pinned down and couldn’t make a move. Byleth rushed them from the tree-line, slicing two across their forearms mid-windup and the third across his ribs. _Poorly trained._ She was also incredibly fast, but their sloppiness was evident. The archer waved in thanks as he reappeared and started laying cover fire.

Byleth moved on toward the lookout tower at the edge of town and braced her back against the wall as she arrived. She heard a similar sound echoed next to her and looked to see a set of violet eyes. The axe-wielder had evidently caught up and she gave a nod of recognition. Byleth then jerked her head over her shoulder to show where they were advancing and they slid along the wall toward the final wave.

They stopped at the corner, and the axe-wielder leaned across her, using the glint of her steel weapon to catch the reflection of the foes beyond. _Good technique._ She saw two archers within reach and two figures dancing on the outskirts. She hoped they weren’t archers, but she’d draw their attention away from the girl to her side regardless. Byleth pointed two fingers in the direction she was going, then in the way she wanted the axe-wielder to go. She seemed to understand, and the mercenary thought that she had miscalculated this ones experience. She was awfully calm in the wake of the battle.

Byleth slashed out first and fast, felling the first two archers in range with two quick slashes. They never let off an arrow. The axe-wielder went around her side as instructed and she saw that it had indeed been an archer at the edge of the trees. He was forced to retreat to the foliage as the girl in red pursued him. Byleth reacted off instinct and ducked to the side as an arrow came zipping past her.

The next one she deflected with her blade, and the third she ducked under once more, feeling the wind as it whizzed by her hair.

She grabbed the fallen archers already strung bow, pulling back and shooting off wildy in the snipers direction. The goal wasn’t to hit, merely to get off balance. She saw their shadow shift and stumble, and she beelined, trusting the axe-wielder to take care of the final opponent. She neared in as they struggled to line their next shot and slashed savagely, splintering the bow they’d feebly held up in defense and getting a good shot on their shoulder. She turned and saw the final archer break from the trees and turn toward her with wild eyes before the axe buried itself in his side. He cried out as he collapsed. The axe-wielder had thrown her weapon from the safety of the trees. _Nice shot_. She nodded amicably- then noticed a shadow moving through the trees.

A burly man with an axe sprinting toward the girl. Her weapon, sacrificed, was too far to recover. Byleth didn’t think, she ran. Maybe- _maybe_ she could get there in time. The girl noticed too late, pulling a dagger from her waistband as a minuscule defense. She took her stance. Somehow Byleth knew she wasn’t the type to run… and she pushed off her legs, throwing herself between the axe and its intended target. She swung her sword out behind her… but felt the axe on her flesh a second before. _Damn. Almost._

Then dark. Only dark.

Then a voice.

_“What the hell was that!? Are you a fool!? Well I suppose the answer is obvious, but how great a fool are you?!_

Byleth looked up and saw a girl on a throne. Strange.

_“Just throwing yourself in front of an axe for some girl you JUST met?! What were you hoping to gain with that little stunt?!”_

The afterlife was starting out… strange. What was this ghost?

_“How dare you! I am no ghost, and it would do you well to show some respect!”_

…Who was this child?

_“Child! Ohoho, you really are a lost cause. I should just let the axe finish ripping you in half and be done with it! And I would if it wouldn’t kill me too!”_

She collapsed back against the throne, looking exasperated. What… the hell was happening? Who was this girl?

_“I am Sothis, if you must know. I am also called the beginning, and for some reason you and I are bound together. So I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t throw yourself in front of ever ne’er-do-well’s weapon! Perhaps you don’t see the value in your own life, but I have no desire to have mine cut short, understand?”_

She didn’t really, but she nodded. She understood what the girl was saying, but just about everything else about this was… strange.

 _“I suppose it is… let me see what can be done…”_ She tapped her finger to her chin and crossed one leg over the other, bouncing her ankle thoughtfully. _“If I can turn back the hands of time, will you promise not end up on the end of that bandits axe?”_

Byleth nodded again. She was sure of this one, if she had two extra steps she would’ve outpaced the man.

_“Very well… you will know what’s coming… you who are tied to I, in the strange flow of time…”_

The girl closed her eyes and a gold series of crests flew through the air before her.

_“Before you go… your name?”_

She crooked her head.

“Byleth.” She answered.

_“Byleth… very well Byleth. I presume we’ll be seeing much of each other.”_

A cold hand seemed to wrap around the base of her spine and pull. And suddenly she was moving. Or the world was… and she was still? All she knew was standing back on the ground over a broken bow and a bloody archer. Again. She glanced over her shoulder at the man who had come out of the woodworks behind her and started running without pause. But not toward the archer, toward the axe-wielder. She saw out of her peripherals as the axe was once more thrown, and once more ended the bandits further attacks.

The girl noticed Byleth sprinting toward her before she heard the man, and crooked an eyebrow before turning and seeing- SHINK.

Byleth stepped swiftly around her and absorbed the blow with her blade, holding firm and causing the mans own axe to bounce back into his collar, a trail of blood streaming down. He cursed loudly and retreated on his own, sliding around the nearby trees. Byleth was half tempted to follow, but her knees felt slightly shaky after what she’d just experienced. She relented to not pursue and instead catch her breath. She looked back over her shoulder to see those violet eyes again, peering at her… they gave off the air of always evaluating… but perhaps also… something else. It was strange, but they felt like they… stirred something in her.

“Thank you for your help.” She spoke. Her voice sounded… nice. Byleth had never thought of a voice sounding nice before, but her’s definitely did.

“You’re welcome.” She responded. The two boys from before came around the tower with Jeralt.

“Hey kid. Everything good?” She nodded and made to sheath her sword, when she heard the horses riding up from the path outside the village. She slid back into her stance and prepared to engage, when she felt a gloved hand wrap around hers. Those violet eyes again.

“They’re not enemies.” She offered and Byleth relaxed her posture, but still opted to keep her blade at the ready. The girl retracted her hand. It was warm where her palm had touched.

“We’ve lost them! Curses, I thought we’d catch up.” A band of knights, decked out in silver armor had appeared. “You three, go check in with the villagers, I’ll make sure the students are- CAPTAIN!?” The closest knight all but dove off his horse to run to Jeralt’s side, something like shock or glee on his expression.

“It is you!”

_Captain?_

The rest of the conversations were a blur. Ultimately whatever had happened ended with Jeralt being conscripted, and Byleth going along for the ride. They traveled through the early morning to late afternoon back to some school these kids all attended. Byleth found that the boys were constantly chatting, loudly theorizing if she would be asked to join the knights as well.

“If not, I must extend my hand to you. The Kingdom could use someone of your skill amongst our ranks!” The lance-wielder proudly offered.

“Honestly Dimitri, you have no tact.” The archer chided. She’d come to find his name was Claude. “I was going to at least wait until we’d gotten to the monastery to try and enlist her. But it seems the world moves too quickly for that kind of respect. If you’re interested stranger, the Alliance would be a good fit for someone like you.” His voice sounded playful. His eyes looked like empty storefronts. Strange boy.

“No tact you say? I’ll have you know-“

Then Byleth was blocking them out as they continued to squabble. She found herself drifting away from them and absently closer to the axe-wielder in the group. She had introduced herself as Edelgard, and was of the Empire.

“My apologies for their decorum, or lack their of. Though their admiration is not misplaced.” She gave a polite, kind look that Byleth found she appreciated.

“Say stranger, are you always this quiet or are we boring you? I apologize if my colleagues don’t make for the finest company.” Claude called ahead as he stretched his arms behind his neck. Comments about her being quiet were not new, but she didn’t like the idea of it being used to put down the others. She tried to find a suitable response.

“Perhaps you’ve misread her, quiet does not mean disconnected.” Edelgard spoke up on her behalf. “As for present company, the two of you could stand to give her some space.” Claude laughed and shook his head, and Byleth appreciated Edelgard’s interjection.

“We’re almost there.” She added as she met Byleth’s eye once more.

Almost _where?_ Byleth thought to ask, but she was sure the answer would make no difference to her. She instead looked ahead and waited for something to signal a destination. She got it shortly after.

A very large, very impressive complex. Patrol walls surrounding the heart of it and a massive gate that they were moving toward.

She drifted closer to her father, gauging his reaction. He stared very contemplative, but she could see that he was distressed under his subtle features..

They walked under the arch and Jeralt came to a halt next to her. She stopped at his side and looked up to where he was at a small figure on a high up balcony in white garb and a golden crown over her long green hair.

“Of course she’s still here. Lady Rhea...”

They’re shown to her immediately. She was… kind. Regal. Offered Jeralt his old position as Captain, which Byleth still had questions about, and he reluctantly accepted.

She turned her attention to Byleth and for the second time that day she felt evaluated by a gaze, though this one was different. Far more perceptive than curious. She mentioned she expected big things from her before bowing, and the mercenaries took their leave. That part surprised Byleth. Why would she expect anything of her? They’d just met.

“So.... Captain?” She asked when it was just them moving down the corridor.

“Yeah..... we’ll talk later alright? In private.” He lowered his voice and she nodded.

“Oh, and they want to put you to work.” He added.

“Work? Mercenary work?” He shook his head no. “Janitor?” She asked next and he gruffed a small laugh.

“No, no, nothing like that. They want you to teach from the sound of it.”

“…” She stared at him.

“…” He stared back.

“…Teach?”

*********************************************** Monday**

Byleth stood outside the classroom. It was the first day. She’d been offered the choice to pick a house, and hadn’t cared much, not particularly invested in the position. Until… she’d seen the violet eyes smile at her from across the monastery. The girl had come up to her while she was wandering the grounds, instinctually looking for vantage points and weak spots in the tower defenses. She’d found 6 already.

But then the axe-wielder was there. Edelgard…

“I’m glad to see you again. Are you staying on after all?” Her violet eyes seemed to glow. It was interesting to watch, and Byleth felt herself staring.

“No. I’ve been asked to teach.” Byleth answered.

She tilted her head with a smile, ever evaluating the situation.

“Really? That is surprising. I guess they were as impressed with your skill as we were. Do you know what class you’ll be teaching yet?”

Byleth shook her head.

“Well you’d be a welcome addition to ours.” She sounded sincere. Then Byleth asked her a question. She wasn’t sure what possessed her to… she was usually rather content in making her own assertions on body language and actions, and leaving all talking to a minimum.

“Tell me something of yourself.” The girl blinked as if taken aback but recovered quickly.

“Of course. I am Edelgard von Hresvelg. Daughter of the current Emperor, eventual heir to the throne. I specialize in axe training, and have been told I can be rather... distant and driven, but I think those qualities make a good leader. And... I think you and I are much the same in that way.” Byleth tilted her head. Most people didn’t readily compare themselves to the Ashen Demon. And when they did she didn’t take it as a compliment. But she liked the idea… that they held common ground.

And that answer had spurred her to give a damn about which house she chose.

After she’d told the Archbishop her selection she’d gone by her father’s study to ask for advice and he’d merely chuckled.

“Look at you, trying to be all scholarly.” She rolled her eyes, causing him to chuckle again. “Well kid, what’s the first thing you remember me teaching you? Start there.”

Sage wisdom as it turned out.

She’d stayed up half the night drawing out maps and charts, tables and skills graphs, and ultimately feeling confident she had a strategy to whip these kids into shape. At least for the first week.

She’d wing it from there.

Now as she stood outside the door she felt… nervous. No, not nervous... excited? Was she excited? When she opened the door and eight sets of eyes turned to her... she only felt one. One set of violet, and a small curl of a smile that came with it. _Yup, excited_. Strange. This girl had struck a nerve claiming they were similar. She wanted to test how true that was.

She walked directly down the aisle to where Edelgard stood at the front of the room. She smiled and announced her arrival to the class.

“Everyone, our new professor is here. Let’s greet her properly.” The class huddled around Edelgard and looked different levels of confused.

“W-Wait, this is our pr-professor? She doesn’t look much older than us.” The meekest of the members spoke, half mumbling.

“She could be a student here. I mean how old even are you?” A loud blue-haired boy asked. He didn’t seem rude, just genuinely surprised.

“Come now Caspar, you never ask a lady her age?” A girl with a dark hat.

“Sorry, sorry didn’t mean to be an ass, I’m just- surprised.” Caspar was the loud boy’s name. _Energetic, brash, inexperienced._ She read off of him.

“Hmm, does that make you the mercenary everyone’s been talking about? You’ve caused quite the stir around here.” The boy near the back, unkept green hair and unfocused eyes that appeared half asleep.

“Yes, this is the same mercenary I met in Remire. I can attest first hand to her experience. We’re lucky to have her as a teacher, so please try and show a little respect.” Edelgard spoke up with an annoyed, almost exasperated tone.

“For that action alone I am indebted to you, but shall you prove yourself worthless I will be the first to call for your removal. Is that understood?” A boy with dark hair hanging over half of his face. She’d almost confused him as a shadow until he’d spoken.

“Hubert please don’t say such things. She’s only just walked into the room.” Edelgard’s tone was now thoroughly exasperated.

“Professor, I’d like to be the first to welcome you properly. My name is Ferdinand von Aegir. And, as we are rather close in age, I hope you find it appropriate that we consider you a part of the group.” The orange haired boy stuck out his hand proudly in a grand gesture. A bit much for the classroom. _Prideful, outspoken, genuine._

“Well she is still being the professor, we must show our fullness of respect, yes?” Byleth detected the hint of a Brigid accent on the girls words.

“Close, darling, but she does make a point.” The girl in the hat laughed gingerly. _Doting, clever, ambitious._

“Maybe it’ll be easier for me to think of her as a professor when I see her in action.” Caspar spoke up again.

“Yes, I too am eager to evaluate her skills. How did she just waltz in and gain a position?” Huberts words could be mistaken for praise on surface level, but she sensed the mocking tone.

“How... how strong a-are you? You’re not going to hurt us, are you!?” The quiet girl with shaggy purple hair squealed and hid behind the closest person, which was Ferdinand.

“Come now Bernadetta, why would she do that? She’s our teacher.” Ferdinand tried to reason with her.

“Well I-I don’t know... Why hasn’t she said anything yet!?” She all but yelled and covered her head in her hands.

“She hasn’t spoken yet because none of you have given a chance with your insistent chatter.” Edelgard sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose between two fingers. “I suppose this’ll be your first challenge Professor, silencing the madness.” Edelgard looked to her again, that powerful violet gaze. Byleth nodded, and finally spoke.

“Let’s get started.”

The class pushed the doors open to the training grounds and filled into a line behind Byleth.

“Interesting that the other houses aren’t here.” Ferdinand commented. Byleth thought of the other professors she’d met that morning. She wasn’t surprised they weren’t here. They seemed more… theoretical in their approach.

“Yeah, I’m glad we didn’t waste any time. I’m ready to start showing off what I can do.” Caspar was already stretching excitedly.

“I too am the glad to be getting my hands dirty.” Petra, the girl from Brigid, looked to be positively beaming. _Honest, hardworking, quick_. Byleth could already tell she was going to like her.

She dragged a target dummy infront of the class and a box of training gear, then took off her coat and rolled up her sleeves. She caught eyes dancing to her arms, either the scars or the muscles she wasn’t sure. Violet eyes were amongst them.

“I think the best way for me to teach you is to start by seeing what you know.”

She put her boot to the box and pushed it over, wooden training gear clattering out.

"There’s a mock battle at the end of the week. We’ll be using weapons like these. Pick the one you’re the most confident with and demonstrate your best 3 move combo. Example.”

She slid her foot under the axe closest to her and kicked it up into her hand. The eyes on your students grew a little wider. _They like theatrics_. She smirked slightly, twirling the weapon over her shoulder, behind her back, and into a savage uppercut, followed by a left and right slice. The dummy creaked under her attacks, sawdust cracking off. Her students seemed impressed. Byleth walked to Edelgard and handed her the axe. She nodded, seemingly taking it as a challenge.

“Class, let’s show our professor what we can do”

Edelgard used an axe. Her attacks were brutal and direct. A bit wide. She clearly intended each slash to incapacitate.

Ferdinand used a lance. His moves were exaggerated but aimed. He’d clearly done years of formal training, and fought like it. Flourish over function.

Caspar used an axe. His swings were wild and varied, no two the same. His enthusiasm outweighed any kind of control.

Bernadetta used a sword. She moved with no confidence or coordination. Practically shrinking away as if the dummy would strike back.

Hubert used a lance. He was swift yet offbeat, clearly more comfortable with magic, which they wouldn’t start teaching until the second week.

Dorothea used a sword. She was diligent but her strikes soft. Lacking conviction to actually wound.

Petra used a sword. She was quick on her feet and released rapid blows. Cleary comfortable, as if the sword was part of her. She’d have to find ways to challenge her.

Linhardt used a lance. He was precise but unmotivated, clearly not into the physical arts. She wondered if he had a mind for magic. _Scholarly, sure-fired, laxadasical._ She wondered if the boy was truly as lazy as he appeared or if he simply applied the bulk of his efforts elsewhere, stretching himself thin.

Byleth jotted notes down on each in her journal, slowly filling in the diagrams she drew last night. She dragged 7 more dummies into a line, one for every student.

“The easiest thing to change that makes the biggest difference is your grip.” She gathered a group of lances. “Grips change per weapon and style, but today we’ll create a standard for these three.”

The students lined up in various levels of enthusiasm and she handed each of them a lance to start.

“The lance is preferable for keeping distance, and the wider you keep your grip, the more stability you gain. We want to start here.”

She slid her hands to the prime position and watched her students mirror her, before turning to the nearest dummy. She performed an upper strike, an overhead slash and a forward thrust from the hip.

“Now you.” The students moved forward and recreated the moves.

“Good. Again.”

They repeated the combo.

“Again.” She had them continue their reps and moved down the line offering tweaks.

Bernadetta needed to extend her arms and straighten her back.

Caspar still struck wildly, almost hitting Petra to his side.

Hubert was gripping the tool too tight. _Severe, dark, calculating._

When she gave the call to finish the students were panting and bent over their knees. Sweating through their uniforms. She found it entertaining.

“Patronizing, are we? I’d like to see you do this nonsense on repeat.” Linhardt slouched against the wall, sweat beading on his face.

“It’s not nonsense. And I have. But, very well.” Byleth took up one of the discarded weapons and turned to a nearest dummy, recreating the pattern 12 times, the same total they did. The difference being in the smoothness and clear familiarity with the weapon. She’d barely broken a sweat by the end.

“That’s amazing” Caspar breathed.

“This, is why she was chosen as a teacher if any of you still had your doubts.” Edelgard spoke in defense. There were nods of agreement.

“Swords next.” Byleth called out.

She showed them the appropriate grip for a one handed sword combo.

Petra looked completely at home. Byleth challenged her to add footwork, then levels.

Edelgard broke her sword on impact a few strokes in. Byleth handed her another with an air of amusement.

Ferdinand was doing all of his moves with a flourish. He needed to be more direct.

“Try to hit me.” She said bluntly, standing in front of his dummy.

“Excuse me? Professor come now.” Ferdinand was surprised at the instruction but tried to play it off.

“I don’t think you’ll understand why this is important until you see it in action.”

He laughed light-heartedly.

“Professor it is unbecoming of a noble to hit a woman or his professor.”

“And that is the wrong way to think. An opponent is an opponent.”

He shook his head again and took his stance.

“Well if you insist.”

The rest of the class had stopped to watch.

He attempted his three move combo. Byleth dodged easily. He tried again. Same result.

“Well, you know what move I’m going to do.” Ferdinand spoke, slightly irked.

“Surprise me. However you think you can land a hit, do it.”

He came at it with more aggression. She still sidestepped.

“I do not see the benefit to this.” He eventually huffed.

“Petra, step up.” Byleth called.

“Yes professor, I am to the stepping.”

“Petra, try and land a hit with the three move combo.”

She did, easily. Her third strike grazed Byleth’s shoulder.

“Thank you Petra.” Petra bowed and ran back to her position.

“It’s about directness. Your form is good, but you telegraph your moves.”

He nodded, though looking slightly rattled. She directed him toward the dummy again. His blows were significantly faster. She nodded encouragingly.

“Again. All of you.”

After a few more rounds she gave them another break to catch their breath while she filled in her journal. When she looked up she saw the students watching her, expectantly.

“Waiting on another demonstration?” The group at large nodded, eager. She smiled, just a fraction, at their enthusiasm.

“Very well.”

She slid her foot under a discarded sword and kicked it up to her hand.

She took up the one handed technique she’d demonstrated and laid into the three move combo, then continued it, sliding around the form of the dummy into her next move and other, and another, evolving it into a thirty move assault. She ended it with a strong slash across the chest that split the dummy in two, fracturing splinters across the space. There were audible _‘whoas’_ from the students. _Whoops. Too much._ To her surprise the students cheered.

“She is quite something, and not half bad to look at.” Dorothea winked. Bernadetta blushed and hid behind her hands at the comment. _Nervous, small, perceptive._

“Alright, axe. Then we’re done for the day.” Byleth called out.

She showed them the proper hold and instructed them to practice only overhead blows.

As they lined up she tapped Edelgard to stay back and had the rest begin.

“Need something professor?” She asked as they watched on.

“Not particularly. We’re down a dummy and you specialize in axe. You need these reps the least. And as their house leader, I wanted you to get a chance to see their progress.”

“I appreciate that, but _as_ their house leader I’d like to be down there with them.”

Byleth nodded. She liked her spirit.

“There will be times for both.”

“I suppose that’s true.”

Byleth watched their movements and added further notes.

“Notice anything?” She asked the student.

Edelgard considered the question.

“Well, Ferdinand seems very determined after you corrected him. Caspar is a little... reckless, but the single move over the triple suits him. Linhardt is not trying very hard... but his form is good.”

Byleth handed her the journal and she looked almost surprised at the offer before taking it.

“Similar to my assessments. We’ll do a skills test tomorrow, see where everyones at. After, they can pick a specialty for the mock battle. It’s important to have a base understanding of each weapon. Battlefields are unpredictable, you need to be able to fight with whatever you have. But that’s long term. ”

She looked up surprised.

“I think that’s a sound plan, but professor, why are you telling me this?”

She turned to her.

“You’re their leader. If you are bought into the plan, they will be.” She nodded thoughtfully.

“I appreciate your candidness professor. I think it’s a fine idea.”

She looked back at the journal. Byleth had an idea at what she’d found.

“Are you reading my assessment of you?”

Her ears turned pink as if she’d been caught. Byleth found it… hmm. Something.

“Intense, skilled, aware. Admired by her peers.” Byleth quoted back to her what she knew she’d written in the pages. “Willing to work if she believes in the cause. Qualities of a great leader.” Her ears were now red, and Byleth found it that same something she couldn’t name. She instead grabbed two axes off the wall and handed her one.

“That’s good class.” She called out, halting them. “Edelgard, myself, and Ferdinand will now match your reps.” Ferdinand was already breathing a little heavy, and looked up surprised.

“This is a reward, not a punishment. Anyone that thinks they can keep up, the fourth dummy is open.”

She gestured to her side. Caspar, drenched in sweat but still smiling, ran over not wanting to be outdone.

“Begin.” The class cheered them on through each swing, each contact with the wooden foe, each slash of the air. As they finished she patted Ferdinand on the back and commended Caspar, sharing one more glance with those violet eyes.

“Good work class. Meet here tomorrow at sun-up.”

And with that she’d survived the first day.

She walked the grounds after class, scribbling extra notes and diagrams of postures, skills, growth.

“Professor!” She heard someone call out. Ahead of her were Manuela and Hanneman, the two other instructors she’d met that morning. The former of which was waving enthusaiatically at her.

“I heard you had your students at the training grounds on the very first day! How interesting. You must go easy on them.” Manuela cooed. Byleth shrugged.

“They did well.”

“Your teaching methods may be a tad extreme compared to ours, but I suppose we’ll see come the mock battle.” Hanneman commented, rubbing the end of his beard.

“Suppose so.” Byleth responded, disinterested. She had no classroom knowledge, this was the only way she could go about teaching.

“Listen to her. So coy. What of your house head? I got Dimitri. He’s very polite, and not a bad build either. He’ll make a model student.” Manuela went on.

“Claude may require a tad more tact to reign in, but his mind is brilliant. With the right guidance he should make a very capable strategian.” Hanneman continued in his thoughtful way.

“What of Edelgard? Is she as dismissive as they say?” Manuela asked.

“Not at all. She’s a natural leader.” Byleth answered, almost irked. Perhaps it was just gossip… but that was her student now. She felt the need to defend her.

“Is that so?” Hanneman responded.

“You sound surprised.” She deadpanned.

“Bwaha, my apologies. No she’ll make a fine leader, I simply worry her ambition may blind her, and cause her to be… closed off let’s say.” Hanneman finished.

Strange that they were so quick to judge a student. Perhaps this was a mind game before the mock battle? Or they were simply trying to draw some kind of reaction out of her.

“Perhaps you’ve misread her. Quiet doesn’t mean disconnected.” She repeated the words the girl had given in her favor prior, and felt a small tad of something as she did. Pride maybe? A lot of somethings she wasn’t used to today.

“Oho, well some of us prefer it loud.” Manuela cracked

“Come now Manuela, no need to be crass.” Hanneman’s tone turned scolding.

“What’s crass about what I said? Loosen up Hanny.” Manuela turned to him annoyed, and as they bickered Byleth took it as her excuse to slip away.

As she turned the corner she saw Edelgard leaning against the wall, completely within earshot of the conversation. Byleth paused as the student gave her a small determined smile. And as if she could read her mind, she knew what it meant.

_‘We’ll show them.’_

Byleth nodded and resumed her walk and her notes.

_My sentiments exactly._

Byleth borrowed a tactics book from Jeralt and took dinner with Dorothea and Petra, the former of which had flagged her down across the mess hall, insisting they get to know their ‘dashing’ instructor better, to which Petra had asked what she meant by ‘running fast’ instructor. Byleth found the two an odd couple, but their company was enjoyable.

She breezed the pages of the tactics primer in her room that night. One hint in particular caught her eye.

_Intimidate your enemies. If your strategy is sound, let them see your hand._

Hmm. That gave her an idea.

She decided to do some late night prep. She went to the training grounds and gathered 8 archery targets, draping them over her shoulders, and carried them out to the classroom courtyard. _Shit, these were heavy_. She walked back to the training grounds rolling out her shoulder and retrieved the stands. They were lighter than the targets, but awkward to hold. She almost bumped into a student as she rounded the corner.

“Oh! Hi, sorry to be in the way. Are you that young professor everyone is talking about?”

“I didn’t know people were talking about me.” Byleth responded, still focused on holding all the gear.

“Oh, sorry, I just meant, well hi. I’m Ashe.” A young boy with messy white hair beamed at her, and waved politely.

“Nice to meet you.” She said, trying to match his enthusiasm, though surely coming up short.

“Do you need a hand with all that gear you’re carrying?” He offered. She considered, and nodded.

“That would be a great help.” He smiled and relieved her of four of the mounts, and followed her to the courtyard. He even stayed to help her set them up.

“What’s all this for?” He finally asked as they’d finished.

“Class.” She responded, as if it were obvious.

“Oh! Of course, that’s just exciting is all. My class isn’t getting hands on yet.” She thought of the mock battle at the end of the week.

“That’s foolish.” She said. Ashe laughed and rubbed the back of his head.

“Yeah, I guess so. I’d love to get out there like this.” Byleth merely nodded. In her head they should.

She thanked him for his help and headed back to her dorm feeling confident for the next day.

*********************************************** Tuesday**

The students arrived on time, even Linhardt who was yawning loudly.

“Today will be a lot. But if we get it done, tomorrow you can have to yourselves. Good?”

The students mumbled agreements.

“Pack a bag. You’ll need a bow, quiver, hand axe, set of gauntlets, and your preferred weapon from yesterday.”

“Where are we going?” Caspar asked confused.

“We’re going to let the competition have a sneak peak.” Byleth responded, feeling sneaky.

“W-wait we’re going to have p-people watching us?” Bernadetta asked before hiding behind Petra.

“In a true battle there would be other people watching you Bernadetta, we must be ready for such adversities.” Ferdinand reasoned. Hubert laughed into his glove.

“Clever. I like this strategy professor. They still have yet to get to the training grounds, meanwhile we will be presenting ourselves as fully formed fighters. That’s sure to deflate their confidence.” Byleth nodded. _Let the mind games begin,_ she thought.

“Well, everyone get your supplies, let’s not keep the other houses waiting.” Edelgard added, playing into the mischief.

Once at the courtyard she lead the team in a light warm-up before setting them in a line with their preferred weapon. They repeated overhead blows with a step forward across the courtyard and back.

“Nicely done.” She called out, loud enough for the other classes to hear. “Again.” Over to an under.

“Again.” Under to an over.

“Again.” Showing off had definitely given the students an extra bit of motivation, and she was happy to see them retaining some of their training.

The Golden Deer closed their classroom doors and she smiled. Her point had been made. The Blue Lions class stayed open, and every now and then she could feel their eager eyes falling to them.

She gave her students a quick break before lining them up with bows. She had five lines drawn in the dirt to have them try from different distances. As they hit from a closer line they’d retreat to the next one. Everyone had to at least hit the target from each line. Bernadetta was surprisingly exceptional at this, hitting close to center on the first shot from each position. Her team praised her and she looked a combination of terrified and pleased. Edelgard had no affinity for this, and it surprised her to see something the Adrestian _didn’t_ excel at. She offered a kind nod and reassuring glance and those violet eyes seemed to relax enough to finish. Still ahead of Caspar. The poor boy emptied his quiver from the last line and had to borrow some of Petra’s arrows. The girl offered a critique and helped him adjust his shoulders, finally hitting home with the biggest ‘wahoo’ and a hug to Petra. She mirrored his enthusiasm, and Byleth was happy to see her students already aiding each other.

Next were throwing axes. She lined them up again, but had them pile all of the throwing axes in front of the student on the end, in this case Edelgard.

“I want you to practice different angles, and be ready to assist your allies in the blink of an eye. Throwing axes are one of the best ways to do both. They’re light and made to be tossed. The proper technique for throwing-" She turned with one in hand, stepped forward and wound up from behind her head to straight in front of her, using the motion to carry her axe cutting through the air and planting firmly into the mesh of the target. “Proper technique to set your teammate-”She gripped by the handle and tossed straight up so the handle came down toward Edelgard, not the blade. She caught it easily over her head and leaned into the same windup form Byleth had just displayed, tossing the axe into the same target where it stuck with a thud. Byleth nodded approvingly, and the young axe-wielder smiled at the acknowledgement… and that felt… like something again.

She retrieved the two axes and added them to the pile. She’d call out a number or a name. If it was a number they had to target that board in the lineup. If a name, set that person and they’d hit the target directly down line from them. The group seemed to enjoy this activity and Byleth found herself watching fondly. Bernadetta did not like being set to, cowering instead of catching most of the time, but Caspar was almost too enthusiastic. Petra and Edelgard took to it well, and she enjoyed forcing Hubert to set Ferdinand.

“Is this a technique you’d actually use in a battlefield?” Hubert asked, almost condescendingly but Byleth was quick to nod.

“Many times. You want to keep your allies alive, you’ll learn to arm them. And if you want to stay alive, you’ll learn to fight with what you have.” He seemed to find no fault with her answer.

“Builds other skills too. Hand-eye coordination. Awareness. And muscle memory. By the fourth time you didn’t even need to look to know where Ferdinand was before tossing it.” Now Hubert looked like he might scowl. “As you fight with the same people again and again, you’ll build familiarity with their style. Leads to better chemistry, and better results.”

“I do believe that is the most I’ve heard your voice yet Professor.” Linhardt said casually. Byleth nodded, not offended.

“Wouldn’t get used to it. Next. Gauntlets.”

Byleth demonstrated how to use their footwork to their advantage when sparring, and the generic high, medium, and low hits. She had them pair up with someone near their level of… enthusiasm to go through the motions. Caspar with Petra. Edelgard with Ferdinand. Hubert with Dorothea. Linhardt with Bernadetta. They were positively drenched in sweat by the time Byleth called an end to it, and felt satisfied with what they’d accomplished. She also noted that Caspar had finally found a strong suit. His wild blows made for a perfect brawler.

“Alright class, final lesson for the day.” She removed her coat once more, rolling up her sleeves and watching them eye her. “Land a hit. Last one to do so will carry all the gear back. Understood?”

They collectively nodded, through she saw the challenge presented exciting some while making others nervous.

Caspar stepped up first.

“Alright teach, I’m coming at you. Get ready!” He launched off his feet with a yell and attempted a sideswipe. She dodged back and he used his momentum to spin into an uppercut which also missed.

He kept going, getting more inventive with his angles, directions, and she simply kept putting enough distance between them. Waiting for him to see the meaning of the mission. He started breathing heavy.

“Dang teach, you are light on your feet.”

“Allow me to step in!” Petra called out in the focused tone she used when training. Caspar nodded, hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath, and Petra launched in. She was quicker but her swipes were less confident. She was used to having a sword in between her and her opponent. Her arms didn’t extend fully.

As the students watched Ferdinand looked thoughtfully on, and Byleth could hear bits of what he was saying.

“Why would the professor give us such a challenge at the end of the day? Embarrassing us in one on one serves no purpose... unless...”

_Seems they solved the problem._

“Everyone listen up!“ She heard Edelgard call out behind her as she kept her eyes trained on Petra. “Follow our lead.”

Byleth looked over her shoulder briefly and saw them all descending on her. _Now they get it._ Working together was the only way. She dodged under Petra’s outstretched hand and ran to grab a wooden lance propped from the wall. _Let’s make it more interesting._

Edelgard and Hubert launched into their first attack, and as she deflected their weak blows she saw Caspar out of her peripherals trying to sneak up from around her. She ducked under his attack and retreated to the side and noticed Linhardt coming in from below. _Clever._ She tried to vault past him, but he knocked her shin. He smiled in his victory and she nodded in affirmation.

“Yes! Nap time here I come.” Linhardt rolled out of the battlefield and flopped on his back in celebration.

Dorothea came in next and strung together an impressive chain of attacks, and she used the end of the staff to redirect her last one into Ferdinand, who thought he’d gone unnoticed sneaking up behind her. She dove to the side, getting out from between the two, and used her momentum to roll back to her feet while deflecting Hubert’s next attack. But not Petra’s follow up. She grazed her hip and bowed, pleased with herself. Byleth nodded. That was two.

Hubert tried again, and Ferdinand tried the opposite side. She deflected each of their attacks again and again, feeling their energy slow but not their resolve. _Respectable._ Lost in thought Dorothea was opportunistic and managed to catch her as she had leaned back from a Hubert hook, and Ferdinand caught her a moment after. Half were done. They were doing well. Except for Bernadetta who was still staying as far away as she could.

“Bernadetta, you have to attack.” She called out to her student.

“W-what’s the point? I’m not going to be able to h-hit you.” Bernadetta held up her gauntlets in front of her but stared at the floor.

“Not if you don’t try Bernadetta, get in here.” Edelgard commanded.

She did not, so Byleth brought the fight to her, sidestepping another Caspar lunge, redirecting Edelgard’s offensive and thrusting the handle behind her without looking, defending against Hubert’s subsequent attack. She slid her footwork until she was face to face with Bernadetta- who screamed and put her hands up to cover her face.

Byleth almost smiled, she was so small. But she dove as she heard Caspar approach and deflected Edelgard’s next attack. Caspar gave the anxious girl some type of pep talk, and Edelgard called out, in what she sensed was a distraction. But she was curious. She’d play along to see what those violet eyes were planning.

“You’re quite impressive Professor. How long have you been fighting like this?” Byleth defected Hubert’s supposed secret attack as she heard him try to approach with the distraction, and she instead turned and used his momentum to flip him to the ground.

“Ahh, you wouldn’t fall for something so simple.” Edelgard laughed and Byleth… liked the sound. She noticed too late as Caspar came running in, and though she backed up, he sold out and managed to land a hit on her shoulder, taking them both to the ground.

She patted his arm as he gleefully called out and while she was getting up reacted in time as one of the gauntlets came flying at her. She had dodged back surprised to see the heiress sacrifice one of her gauntlets as a projectile, but as she dodged back Hubert launched again and landed a hit. Byleth nodded at their tactic, and Hubert was panting from the effort. He took off his gauntlet and threw it to Edelgard so she would have a full set and Byleth was pleased seeing that they were retaining some of the lessons. _Arm your allies._

Then there were two Bernadetta and Edelgard.

“Come now Bernadetta, we can do this. We just have to work together. We can’t do it alone.” She adjusted her new gauntlet and launched herself at Byleth without waiting for a response, cutting off her path to her staff. _Wise._ She backed away giving the girl a chance to implement her strategy.

“She’s lost her weapon, so if we both come at her together she’ll have no chance.” Edelgard stood with her body in between Byleth and the staff.

“Ok-k.” Bernadetta scooted closer to her side.

“Just follow my lead.” Edelgard smiled at her.

They bum rushed toward their teacher, mirroring each others movements. She dodged further and further back through the courtyard and realized they were using the landscape to their advantage. _Clever girls_. Her back hit the wall. Edelgard sensed her victory and her smirk showed it. Byleth smiled back. She saw that simple facial expression visually caught her student off guard. She wasn’t much of one for smiles. She turned her body toward the wall, bursting two quick steps up the column and pushing off, vaulting over them and landing on her feet. Much to the classes general amazement.

“Come professor, now you’re just showing off.” Edelgard said with open entertainment.

She arguably was, and darted for the weapon.

As they followed on her heels, she grabbed her staff with enough time to raise it between her and the attacker.

“Bernadetta go high and I’ll go low! She can’t protect against us both.” Edelgard called out winding up.

“Ok!” Bernadetta yelped out with some energy.

Her instinct wound up to bat them away with the staff and then she consciously reminded herself that these were students… not enemies. The realization amused her and she let her guard down. They both landed their hits. Surprisingly hard hits. She was knocked backwards to the ground. The students looked shocked, then jubilantly cheered. Byleth chuckled from the ground. Her shin was throbbing from where Edelgard had got her, but she hadn’t expected Bernadetta’s punch to have such force behind it. She could feel the bruise forming on her cheek. She leaned back on her palms and arched into a kick, back up to her feet. A slight smile came to her lips.

“My my professor, are we smiling?” Edelgard asked playfully stepping forward. She shrugged in response as she dusted off her clothes.

“That concludes today’s lesson.”

“Getting us to work together to overcome a stronger foe, most ingenious.” Ferdinand said with a grand gesture, as she was getting used to for the nobleman.

“Yeah, but we got her!” Caspar called, enthusiastically pumping his fist.

“Correction, we got an opponent who’s only goal was to dodge. No doubt it would have been gravely more difficult had she been taking the offensive.” Hubert mused, a thoughtfully dark look on his face.

“No need to be such a buzzkill Hubie, we all know how strong the professor is. But we can celebrate our success.” Dorothea concluded and Byleth nodded in agreement.

“Tomorrow’s your free day, spend it however you like. I’ll be available if anyone has questions. The day after meet in the classroom. We’ll go over tactics for the mock battle. And... since no one was last none of you need stay. You’re dismissed.”

There were audible sighs of relief and they thanked the professor, breaking off in celebration. They seem energized. Maybe Byleth was getting though to them. She was rather impressed with the work they’d done so far.

She started dismantling the targets and gathering them in stacks. She could feel violet eyes on her the whole time.

“Professor,” Edelgard approached. “Would you like a hand?”

Byleth offered her a considered shake of the head.

“No, you earned your break.”

“I didn’t do much.” She returned.

“You got them to work together, and you made sure no one was left behind. As a leader would.”

She’d undone all the targets and lifted the stacks over her shoulders with a heave. She looked back at her.

“Keep it up.”

With that she left toward the training grounds.

She could still feel those eyes on her back, curled in a smile.

*********************************************** Wednesday**

The first thing Byleth had wanted to do on her day off was head out the gates to scope where the mock trial would be. At the front gate, however, she was refused exit...

“Pardon professor, but Rhea’s orders.”

She frowned but took her leave. Nothing to be done for it.

_“So... you are part prisoner, part professor.”_

The voice startled her terribly, and she reached for the dagger on her belt, turning to look for the person the voice belonged to.

_“Oh calm down, it’s just me! Honestly, will it be like this every time I speak to you?”_

Right… Sothis. The voice in her head. That was not a ghost and not a child, as she had adamantly informed her prior.

 _“Now is that anyway to think of the spirit that saved your life?!”_ The voice was agitated and she almost laughed.

 _‘No. I’m sorry, that was rude. Thank you. For saving me.'_ She thought back to the young girl. She heard her sigh and imagined her sitting on that throne again in the dark room.

_”You’re insufferable."_

She heard another voice calling out to her.

“Professor, a moment.”

Seteth walked up to her from around the corner, his perpetual scowl on full display. He seemed to stare at the bruise on her cheek.

“Professor... we’ve heard you have been imploring some rather… unusual teaching methods.” He stared at the bruise again.

“I was hired to do a job. I’m doing it the only way I know how.” She shrugged.

He furrowed his brow, as if he could find no fault.

“Yes… I suppose that is true. Though if I had had anything to say about it…” He mumbled out the last bit but Byleth made it out.

 _“What a sourpuss. Where does he get off?”_ Byleth almost sputtered a laugh and had to bite her lip to keep from responding to Sothis’ sudden take on the situation.

“Please keep in mind that we have _standards_ here. We wouldn’t want to stray too far from the path. Good day professor.” He sulked off with his cryptic warning as quick as he’d come.

 _‘Personally was never much for the path.’_ Byleth thought in defiance.

 _“Don’t I know it.”_ Sothis sighed back. She couldn’t hold the chuckle back from that.

Since scouting was out of the question, she instead roamed the grounds to get a grip on what her students were doing and what this monastery had to offer. She passed by the dorms and talked to Bernadetta briefly through the door, assuring her she wasn’t mad that she’d punched her the day prior. She went to the gardens and learned how they grew plants with magic. She decided to practice with some seeds the greenhouse keeper offered and showed her how to use the purified water in the soil to make a bed for them. Ashe was also gardening and smiled earnestly upon seeing her again. They chatted idly. She liked the boys moxie.

She went by the stables and saw Marianne and Hilda. What an odd couple. Mercedes and Annette from the Blue Lions insisted she take lunch with them. They clearly were friends from before. Mercedes seemed to be more perceptive than she put forth.

“You don’t talk much, do you professor?” Byleth shrugged in response and she smiled back.

“It just makes everything you do say more important.”

Byleth excused herself a little early to get some training in while the students were still at lunch.

Sure enough the space was empty. She took off her coat and rolled up her sleeves as she neared the training weapons. Many of her students seemed to specialize in axe. Made sense to brush up on that specialty.

By the time she was finished, the dummy she was working on looked aghast. More pieces then… useable. Perhaps she should practice hitting a wall or a tree instead... she’s destroyed at least 2 of these now.

As she was wrapping up, voices came in through the door. Dimitri, Felix, Ferdinand and Caspar.

“Oh professor! Hello, I’d ask what brings you out here but I can see your work first hand.” Dimitri offered with ahint of admiration.

“Oh teach hey! I’ve been working on axe today too!” Caspar called out excitedly.

“That so?” She tossed him the axe and nodded to the wrecked dummy. He ran up eagerly.

“Yeah so check this out.”

He executed his combo several times. Definite improvement. He shouted at each swing of the axe, which she found endearing.

“Obnoxious, isn’t it?” Hubert snarked as he entered the grounds. “It serves only to give away your location and announce your attack to the enemy.”

“Ease up on him, enthusiasm is to be admired.” Ferdinand said in his defense.

“As is discretion. Professor, follow me. I need a moment of your time.”

He wasn’t one to ask, and he turned to leave without waiting for a response. She supposed she’d have to follow. She gave Caspar a pat on the shoulder.

“Keep up the good work.”

When they were wherever Hubert deemed appropriate he turned to address her.

“Professor... it’s only fair that I tell you that her Majesty has already become quite fond of you.”

She didn’t see why. But it was... nice to know.

“I respect that. However, I wish to inform you of my methods. I am duty bound to Lady Edelgard, and her will is mine. When I detect threats, I eliminate them.” He was trying to intimidate her. She found it comical.

“I don’t plan on becoming a threat.”

“That’s the thing, you already are. You are the greatest unknown in the whole monastery. That makes you terribly imposing.”

She shrugged.

“If that’s how you see it.”

Hubert looked frustrated, as if he’d expected a different reaction. They stood in an awkward silence a moment longer before he finally cleared his throat.

“Well, I’ve said what I needed. Consider yourself warned.”

With that he left. He would be a tough nut to crack. This mock battle, you hoped, would be the key to it all.

 _“What up his ass?”_ Sothis piped in. And Byleth chuckled again. This spirit was feisty.

She found a spot under a tree and decided to settle with her tactics guide. She filled her journal in with more notes and enjoyed the breeze that was floating by. A peaceful day.

“Greetings to you Professor!” She was startled and looked around, not seeing anyone. When she looked up there was Petra waving down at her from the top of the tree. She smiled at her slightly and Petra laughed.

“I have not been seeing you smile the often Professor. I hope I am not the bothering you?”

Byleth waved and shook her head.

“Professor, there you are.”

She looked ahead and saw Edelgard approaching.

“Greetings to you as well Edelgard!” Petra called down. Edelgard looked up to her friend in the tree and smiled.

“Greetings to you Petra. Professor, might you accompany me on a walk? I had some things I wished to discuss with you.” She nodded in response and rose, giving a farewell nod to Petra before falling in stride with Edelgard. Once they were a few yards away she asked what was bothering her.

“Hubert mentioned that you two had spoken. I took that to mean he had threatened you in some way, and I wanted to apologize.”

“I take it he’s done this before?” Byleth asked with a raised eyebrow. Edelgard let out a chuckle. She liked the sound of it.

“It’s rather embarrassing how many times. I’ve told him there is no need, but he is rather… over protective. I know he means well, but all the same I don’t approve of his methods. I wanted to assure you that I will not allow him to curse you.”

“That’s a big promise.” Byleth responded and it got another smile from her student. That something... again.

“And what are you working on today professor?”

She nodded to the book pressed in her arm.

“Strategies for tomorrows class. Considering a few methods. Would help if I could see the area ahead of time, but they wont let me out of the Monastery.”

She looked curious.

“They won’t?”

She shook her head.

“Lady Rheas orders. I suppose they don’t trust me yet.”

They shared a perceptive look.

“Well... there may be another way...”

Her voice lowered to something suggestive and secretive. Mischievous even.

“I’m listening.”

The two of them headed inconspicuously to the second floor and Edelgard calmly opened a window pane to the roof. Byleth raised an eyebrow, but followed all the same.

They walked across the outside of the building, and reached a wall, where they pulled themselves up to a ledge that was deep enough for a person to stand, but not much more. Over a gap, barely a legs distance away, was the perimeter bridge where the scouts patrolled. She watched Edelgard leap to the landing and mirrored her move. The two of them crouched and moved along the walls, attempting to avoid patrolmen.

Edelgard stopped at a point and peered over the barrier, looking off to the distance before finally pointing.

“That is where the mock battle will be held.”

Byleth followed the direction she pointed and retrieved her journal from her coat pocket. She jotted a rough layout of the area. Edelgard watched her. Always evaluating… but funny enough she was instinctually always evaluating her as well. Something about her mercenary background and new teaching position made that skill prominent… but so far she liked what she was learning.

“Do you know where we’ll be starting?” She pointed out the three bases that are traditionally assigned, and Byleth grimaced for a moment when she realized they had the worst spot, starting downhill, but shook it off. The odds weren’t important, only the outcome.

When she finished her sketch she held it where they cold both see and nodded, proudly.

“Thank you Edelgard, this will help tremendously.”

Her smile was small, but her violet eyes seemed to shine at the praise. She started to say something-

“Hey, who’s over there?” In the twilight of the sunset a patrolmen appeared to have spotted them. Their eyes went wide and they sprinted alongside the inner of the wall, moving as quickly as they could while remaining hidden.

There was a small alcove built into the wall for storing supplies and Edelgard and Byleth quickly shoved themselves into the cutout as the guards feet neared, and eventually stormed past. They heard him grow further and further away, mumbling something about the sun playing tricks on his eye. Only then did Byleth notice how close together she was pressed to her student. They made eye contact and breathed out a simultaneous laugh.

_‘That was close.'_

Byleth crawled out first and offered a hand to Edelgard. Her palm was warm, even under the glove.

The rest of the way back was uneventful. They found the spot closest to the ledge, hopped across, and lowered themselves down to the roof, then slid in the window as if nothing had ever happened. As they closed the windowpane and dusted their hands on their uniforms Edelgard suddenly looked slightly sheepish.

“You… may be wondering why I know how to traverse the roofs here.”

That was indeed something Byleth was wondering. She put her hand to her chin in a ‘tell me more’ sort of way, though had an idea she wouldn’t disclose.

“Perhaps we can just call it a skill and leave it at that. I believe it is dinner hour. Would you care to join me?”

She accepted the invitation. And perhaps it was the fading light playing tricks on her, but she thought she saw the red from the sun lingering on her students cheeks.

*********************************************** Thursday**

The next morning Byleth was the first to arrive to the classroom and took her first look around the space. Rows of benches and desks. A large chalk board on the wall. Shelves of books and supplies. A fire place for the winter months when the high ceilings would make it unbearably cold. Should suffice. She took the time to recreate her map on the board, drawing three different diagrams to the side and highlighting potential scenarios. She had a clear idea of which one would work best, but wanted to allow her students the chance to come to their own conclusion. She was curious if they’d arrive at the same conclusion.

The students filed in, taking their seats in the first two rows and Byleth stood at the front with more confidence than she thought she’d have had in front of them. It was reassuring. She began by explaining the rules they’d been given related to the mock battle. Everyone was allowed one practice weapon, sword, lance, axe, or bow, and one vulnerary. She showed the map next and explained where each of the houses were starting. Then offered three courses of action they could take.

One path would take them up the middle where they could be set upon by both sides.

The second would split their forces into two tactical groups to take on each house.

The third took them the long way around the map to try and deal with the farther house first.

She presented the diagrams on the board and historical battles where each were used successfully and unsuccessfully.

“Every tactic has both advantages and disadvantages. There will always be someone left exposed, or a sacrifice of efficiency, or an unexpected complication. The best we can do is try to prepare. So of the three, which makes the most sense? How would you all like to do this?” Byleth asked, arms crossed and leaning against the side of her desk.

Caspar spoke up first, loudly claiming the first one, full on assault. Hubert was quick to shut him down. Linhardt of all people backed him, saying there was merit to taking them both on at once. And like that they were off. Hypothesizing back and forth over the different strategies. Offering debate and dissenting opinions, but after the initial talking over each other they began really discussing. Collaborating. It evolved to discussing which house they should engage first and this was where Byleth felt she should jump in.

“What do we know about our two enemies?” She asked.

“That the Golden Deer are lead by a schemer and the Blue Lions by a headstrong brute.” Hubert said, leaning back with his arms crossed. Byleth nodded. Not the phrasing she would have chosen, but along the lines.

“So based on that, and our starting location,” She walked to the board and pointed out some points of interest in the chalk. “We would undoubtedly face the Blue Lions first, correct? If we don’t engage, they would engage us. If we went around the far side they would pursue. If we go up they’ll engage immediately.” She looked across them and saw mostly nods. “The Golden Deer on the other hand will probably hang back until we engage first with the other house.”

“That does sound like Claude form what I’ve heard of him.” Dorothea offered, resting a cheek in her hand as she studied the board.

“Umm… theyhavethebestlocationforarchers…” Bernadetta mumbled.

“That’s a very good point, they do have the best location for archers, and we know their house has at least 3 of them. They have the option of waiting to engage at their discretion. So where does that leave us?” Byleth continued.

“Well… that means that going after the Golden Deer first is out.” Edelgard summarized and Byleth nodded, proud at what her student was getting at. “They’ll have the high ground, the only way would be around, which to the Professor’s point would lead to us being caught in open and with the Deer on one side and the Blue Lions pursuing on the other.”

“I have to say I agree with what my rival is saying. She makes an excellent point.” Ferdinand said grandly, extending his hand proudly. Edelgard rolled her eyes, but carried a fond smile for her friend.

The class at large agreed. So it made sense to deal with the Blue Lions first. Option 3 was off the board.

They debated next the merit of splitting up versus staying together and agreed ultimately they’d be stronger as a unit, and Byleth smiled and finally pointed out the ace in the hat she’d been waiting for.

“Notice anything about the terrain?” She asked nodding toward the board once more. Petra was the first to get it.

“The trees!” She called out and pointed toward the map proudly. “We may be taking shelter in them.”

“That would certainly help with the archers.” Linhardt mused, head resting on his hand and eyes closed. Agreements from the rest of their peers followed.

As Byleth sensed them moving toward the answer she stood at the board and erased option 2 and 3, leaving them with engage both houses at once.

“Sounds the most insane on paper, but given our layout it’s the tactic that has the most positives. We won’t know if it’s right or wrong until we’re out there… but that’s how all battles will go.” They nodded and she highlighted the trees Petra spoke of.

“By heading toward the small forest it will give us a chance to draw both groups to us. Then we have the advantage as we’ll able to see them coming, but they won’t be able to see us until we’re upon them. Our goal will be to get there as quickly as possible. Questions?”

None came about so she smiled instead and drew out the lines she’d planned.

At the front: Caspar, Ferdinand, and Petra.

Middle line: Edelgard, Hubert, and Dorothea.

Back line: Linhardt, Byleth and Bernadetta.

She pointed out that staying with your groups would be important once they were in a live battle, and the groups would take cues from each other.

The class chimed in with different accolades and ideas, tweaks and final thoughts, but she could sense their enthusiasm. She realized they’d stayed far later than she’d intended, but was encouraged by their general enthusiasm for the content. She asked each of them to come to her with which weapon they’d like to use so she could request it, then dismissed them for the day. The group as a whole was elevated and excited, and she caught a glimpse of those violet eyes silently apprasing her.

*********************************************** Friday**

The last day before the battle. Byleth had designed the week to end with blocking and dodging techniques, knowing it would be the key skill and wanting it front of mind, not simply in this battle but in their survival.

“It’s not about absorbing hits, it’s about outlasting.” She explained, standing with a lance leaned against her shoulder as her students sat across from her. They’d all picked up whatever weapon they were planning on using for the next day and had it sitting at their feet. She continued.

“Knowing when to attack and when to defend is the difference between victory and defeat. Let’s work.”

She showed them techniques on high low and mid strikes and how to defend each. They mirrored and practiced in groups. She went around offering suggestions and allowing them to retaliate whenever they saw fit. Catch your opponent off guard. Use footwork. Block with your whole body, not one arm holding your tool.

As they continued she began firing wooden arrows with dummy heads up in the air around them. They looked at her as if she were insane but she merely shrugged.

“Imagine the Golden Deer just showed up and be ready for the telltale signs of an arrow coming at you. Can you split your focus?”

She saw the nods, though some seemed none to eager. She kept them at it. She had them switch partners so they could notice different cues from different foes. Then had them switch once more. She didn’t want to keep them too too long, and was satisfied with their progress. For being a band of inexperienced youth when the week had begun, they were looking pretty formidable.

“You’ve done well. Dismissed for the rest of the day. Rest up. Fuel up. Find me if you have any questions.”

With the extra time Byleth had already double checked her notes and decided to get out and go by the greenhouse. The keeper wasn’t in, but she quickly found her plot, and was surprised to see the seeds she’d been given were already blooming radiantly. These types of flowers would usually take 3 moons to blossom, and yet here they were, buds formed in under a week into beautiful red carnations. She smiled and shifted the soil, making room to plant a few vegetables she’d picked up from the merchants.

“Professor. I was told this is where I’d find you.”

Edelgard came in through the door, hand on her hips.

“And you have.” Byleth finished, still focused on the soil. She always enjoyed these kinds of tasks. They felt real.

“Not where I expected to find you on the eve of our great battle.” Byleth found that incredibly entertaining. A mock battle with a bunch of noble children was hardly the most intense fight of her life.

“There is such a thing as over-prepared.” Byleth stated, earning a thoughtful hum from her student.

“I suppose you may be right.” Byleth finished making room in the dirt bed for the seeds and dusted her hands off on her pants as she rose. She had a thought, and bent to pluck a single carnation. She extended it in offering to her student.

“Don’t worry. We’ll show them.” And she smiled. It seemed to catch her student off guard whenever she emoted, but Edelgard returned the expression and accepted the flower, twirling the stem between her finger. Perhaps there was a slight pink to her cheeks as before. Her smile dwarfed Byleth’s own… and was that same word she couldn’t quite find.

“That we will my teacher.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are. Again, I didn’t personally want to write a retelling of Crimson Flowers. There are plenty of other fics that do that very well. I don’t plan to be one of them. I plan on telling it in a different sort of way.
> 
> This chap I really liked the idea of playing out Byleth’s first week as an instructor. We never see that, she meets her kids and we’re off to battle the other houses, I wanted to show like how she may have gotten them ready, how they may have interacted early on, and play up the chemistry of the group. And I have to say, I had a ton of fun doing it. It’s also a bit more charming then most of the stuff I’ve gotten to write so far.
> 
> A few things are diff right off the bat. Feel free to call out any you did or didn’t like. I was a fan of starting with a more aggravated Sothis. I thought that was hilarious, and we’ll see how she softens in her time with Byleth and evolves their dynamic.
> 
> If you’re thinking, holy shit, 4 chapters? Yeah. I’m thinking that too. Condensed is condensed. Let’s see what happens 😅
> 
> OH! And if you’re still reading I’d like to shoutout some fics from other writers who’s works I really enjoy at the end of each of these chapters. Why not, right? Maybe you’ll like them too.  
> Here are three of my favorite one-shots.
> 
> Show Me The I’m Your To Love by SunshineChildx  
> A soulmate AU that’s just beautifully written ->  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/21717727
> 
> Easy, Tiger, Easy (let your hair down) by Pallet_and_Cerulean  
> One where Byleth helps Edelgard deal with some of her burdens in a healthy albeit comical way. Completely charming. My absolute favorite ->  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/22552345
> 
> If Love Is What You Need (a soldier i will be) by zanykingmentality  
> An awesome retelling of Crimson Flower as a one-shot set to the rhythm and inspiration of the song Angel With A Shotgun ->  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/22838686


	2. Hold It Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byleth learns to deal with grief and it’s five stages for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruh... this chapter turned out far different than the initial intent of it, which is why you may have noticed we have already added a chapter to the expected count 😅  
> 5 chaps to tell the story.
> 
> On that note that cute fluff and lightheartedness of chap one, yeah it takes a bit of a 180 in this one. I even fooled myself guys, thinking I could keep the angst out.  
> I also looked ahead at what happens in Crimson Flower, and like, it’s kinda dark even before I get in there and start meandering around. So I updated some tags to match that.
> 
> The song this week lined up almost too well, so I hope you’ll give it a listen!  
> Hold It Together - Mike Shinoda (some bad words? warning?)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zr58BveEVSk

**Part 2 - The First Time Through**

Bad. Bad couldn’t begin to describe how Byleth felt. Bad was when you’d drank milk that was three days too old. Bad was trekking through mud on a multiple days hike. Or when you took a practice sword to the back of the elbow and felt it pull with every subsequent strike.

Watching your father cut down in front of you… was far… far worse than bad. But it was reality.

Something terrible had happened. Something unforeseen. Beasts were attacking the monastery. She’d been on her way to see Jeralt when he received the alert. They responded quickly, taking up the call for action, and the Eagles were scrambled behind them moments later. No doubt Edelgard’s quick read on the situation. She’d have to get her a nice tea blend to say thanks.

As they’d defeated the invading horde of monsters, their forms withered and dissolved away to that of humans… of students.

The evil aura of what had been done drenched the air, coating her body. It curled in her stomach, and she was grateful her usual monotone expression didn’t give away her true emotions in the moment. She'd almost forgotten how fast life could flip. The night before they’d been hosting a ball… dancing as if they could dare be carefree. And this morning four students were dead. But there was to be one final victim.

She’d seen her father head toward the remains of a building after they’d put down the last… whatever these things were. She and Edelgard bent over the revealed body they’d defeated. It tore at her chest in a way that felt unnatural, and she gently knelt by the boys side, using two fingers to close the empty eyes.

Edelgard stood behind her, a hand on her shoulder. She felt her grip tighten, knew this was harder on the impassive heiress than she would let on. She reached her palm back and rested it over top her gloved fingers, eyes still trained on the young corpse.

“Go check on the Eagles for me Edelgard… I’ll see if the Captain has anything to report.”

“Yes Professor… right away.”

Byleth hadn’t wanted to let her go. She wasn’t sure why, but in that moment… she had liked the feel of the hand on her back. It had become more common for them to exchange small moments like this. Little acts of familiarity and camaraderie, and now when the world was starting to feel gray it almost… anchored her in a way. But the rest of the Eagles would need the support far more.

She rose to her feet and started around the building, catching only a glimpse… and while it happened so fast it seemed to playback so slow…

A flash of red hair.

A student… _Monica?_

A dagger unsheathed.

The sound of metal cutting the air.

Jeralt’s single grunt of surprise as the blade hit its mark.

He fell to his knees.

Monica laughed.

He collapsed in a heap.

A storm cloud rumbled.

And Byleth reached through her shock. Instinctually.

She reached and pulled as hard as she could. As far back as she could. The cold encasing her, the world turning black and purple. She couldn’t understand what had occurred, just wanted to undo. NEEDED it to be undone. When the world returned to color she was crouching over the student again. Edelgard’s hand just releasing her shoulder. She all but fell forward, using her momentum to get her feet under her and take off toward where the tragedy would strike.

“Professor?” The concern in Edelgard’s tone echoed after her, but Byleth couldn’t respond. She unsheathed her sword, the relic enveloped in red, and as she turned the corner, unleashed an immediate rapid slash.

She saw Monica with her blade raised, but she wouldn’t have time to hit her target. The Sword of the Creator would get to her first.

Then-

A flash of purple and black magic.

A warp spell bursting forth.

The sound of her attack deflected.

The relic fell limp.

Jeralt fell to his knees... again...

A set of white eyes and dark armor smiled at her.

The villains vanished as quick as they came.

And a storm cloud rumbled… again.

Byleth froze... she could feel the world turning... but no threads to pull... there was nothing to be done... it had happened. She couldn’t stop it. She dropped her relic and ran.

She felt the rain drops pitter patter on her skin. Noticed how gray the sky had been. Heard the grass squish under her feet. Felt the slight breeze. It was like her mind was cataloging every detail of the moment... her moment of failure... so she could replay it later, over and over. She would.

She knelt at his side and saw the wound... it was deep, and the blade must have been curved. The blood arched from behind his spine. It would have clipped his lungs, and most likely the arteries. She grabbed his shoulder as he tried to push himself up on his palms and helped support him as his body shook. She thought to yell for a healer... but had seen wounds like this enough to know it was for naught. He had seconds...

“Damn… that was… not…” His arm gave out under him. Byleth tightened her grip, holding him up. He groaned in pain and dropped his head. A soft, forlorn chuckle.

“Not how I thought this would end…” He muttered. Droplets trickled on his face…

He looked up at her and his expression grew incredibly… fond.

“Tears… for me?”

Byleth was confused. Her cheeks were warm and wet, while the drops falling around were cold on her shoulders. He reached up a thumb and brushed back the warmth. He was right. She was crying…

He smiled and closed his eyes, looking at peace… opposite to the torrent tearing through her.

“Sorry... kid... see-ya round…”

The rain grew heavier… his body grew heavier… limp in her hands... cold to the touch.

The sight was anything but new, but she always hated watching the color fade from their skin. The spirit, or soul, or whatever the hell it was, being pulled away from the person it once was.

She’d never considered it would happen to him.

Her father had been the Blade Breaker… he had seemed so untouchable. Now he was dead. And it was raining.

She felt the violet gaze on her back. Part of her wished she'd come closer… but didn’t know how to ask.

***********************************************Shock**

She rose after she found her legs under her, looking at the ground instead of the pile of flesh that was once her father.

 _“Byleth... I’m sorry we couldn’t save him...”_ Sothis sounded more sincere than Byleth could ever remember. Sad even.

_“Some things... are fated... and even my power can not change that.”_

She grit her teeth. Even the Goddesses power had limits...

“Fate... is that what this was?” She whispered in response.

_“Time ebbs and flows... we can alter some things... but the river will only bend so much.”_

Byleth swallowed thinking of all the times she’d reversed the course to save someone she cared for... and it scared her that it could still not be enough.

She’d never questioned her own strength... but she’d never had so much to lose.

Byleth stooped to haul Jeralt’s body over her shoulder. She couldn’t stare at it any longer. She needed to move. To do something. His armor clanked heavily against her own and she grunted as she finally straightened back to her feet. She turned and saw Edelgard standing a few yards back, staring in her direction. Those violet eyes quivered with sadness and agitation and a thousand different energies. A gloved hand clutched to her shirt, the rain seemingly not bothering her. She wondered if she even felt it fall.

Byleth didn’t know how to begin to reach out, nor how to comfort her. She doubted the Adrestian Princess would even allow her to, and suddenly... wished very strongly to be alone.

She walked back toward the gate, pausing as she stood in front of her student.

“Edelgard...” Her voice cracked a fraction, and those violet eyes snapped back from whatever idles they’d been entertaining and trailed sadly to hers. “Gather the Eagles and get yourselves out of the rain. We’re done for the day.”

Conflict was clear as day on her expression.

“What of you Professor?” She asked finally.

“I’ll deal with the bodies.” She repeated and adjusted her hold on Jeralt, making to move past her. Edelgard turned as if she wished to reach for her but her body tensed instead.

“Professor, shouldn’t you leave that for the knights?” She asked, almost sympathetic, almost pleading. Byleth shook her head and reached her free hand up to Edelgard’s jaw, surprising her young companion. Surprising herself if she was being honest. She cupped her face strongly and gazed into those violet pools. She wasn’t sure what she was looking for, or if she’d even be able to recognize it if she found it.

“Go get dry.” Is all she managed to say before releasing her and walking off. Her chest felt like someone was squeezing it in a death grip. And she carried on further and further, putting more distance between herself and her students.

It had finished raining by the time she’d gathered Jeralt’s body and the four students that had morphed, lining them along the gate at the entrance of the ruins. She put their heels together and crossed their arms over their chest. The way they’d always prepared bodies to be buried in her troop. She looked at the young souls that had perished and felt her mind agonize. She saw their faces replaced with those of her Eagles. Dorothea, Petra, Hubert, and Ashe sat in front of her. Eyes empty, bodies limp. She blinked it away and rubbed her face. Her hands smelled of death.

When she looked back they were the same four first years they had been. Her hands still shook.

A voice rang out in the distance.

“PROFESSOR!” Came the yell from the usually jubilant knight. She could hear Alois sprinting her direction, his metal armor clinking with every step. His voice getting closer.

“PROFESSOR!” He yelled again, finally bursting in through the gate, winded and crazed, looking all around before his eyes settled on her and the forms that lay at her feet.

The look of worry on his face instantly replaced with one of sympathy and it almost annoyed her. Almost felt like pity. But she fought that and saw the sincerity there. He came to stand at her side and patted a gruff hand on her shoulder. He sighed and looked at her fully.

“We’ll finish up here.”

His voice had never been this... quiet. She nodded and wandered away from the bodies without another look.

She wasn’t ready to face any of her students. They’d mean well, but she hadn’t a clue how to act or what would help to hear, and being around people was always harder than being alone. The selfless part of her knew they’d need her too, and that part tightened into a fist of self-hatred. They would be dealing with their own grief at seeing their peers- other students- hurt like this. Remire had been traumatic for her young flock to see lives unbiasedly played with. They hadn’t seen the worst parts of the world yet. Linhardt had been shook sick, Marianne had gripped her hands in prayer so tight she’d drawn blood. It even got to Sylvain, though he wore it differently. She noticed the boy stopped taking meals for a week, and started forcing him into extra training sessions until he was drained enough to eat.

She’d been strong for her students. She’d been able to carry them forward, help them find their personal answer to the imposing questions that had been uncanned.

And while she knew she should do the same now... put their minds at ease when the things that went bump in the night were knocking on their doorsteps... she couldn’t find it. Couldn’t get past her fathers last words to her... and the meeting they would never have.

He had summoned her to his office that afternoon, saying it was due time they had this talk. She had been eager... or anxious. Those two were always hard to discern between.

Ever since she’d arrived at the monastery she’d been questioned. By Seteth, by knights, by students. She could understand their curiosity, but every time they’d poked a hole in her past it left her feeling... unsettled. She realized how little she actually knew about herself. She didn’t know where she’d been born... who her mother was... how old she was... why she could use this relic... it had never alarmed her before, but she’d also never had so many people who seemed to care.

Jeralt had finally agreed to tell her of her past, promising after he’d returned from this months mission they’d get to speak, and she could finally ask the questions that had been on her mind.

She hadn’t even made it to his office, instead catching him running down the hall, hastily throwing on his shoulder gardbrace and telling her of the incoming attack.

“We’ll talk later.” Hung in the air between them, never to be answered, as they’d hurried to what would be a fateful battle.

She now found herself at the door to his office, her legs having carried her without her mind much noticing. She pushed into the room and stood in the doorway. The bed not made as usual... some papers slewn across the desk... and something else that caught her eye.

A book and a parcel sitting on the table. A worn book she’d seen him carry often. She moved closer and lifted the cover, letting a few pages slip from her fingers.

 _“Could this be his journal?”_ Sothis’ voice questioned. Byleth nodded. The book was stained from years of use. Pages yellowed with ink stains, and rips, and stories. His stories. She caught glimpses of words as she let the pages fall between her fingers.

_Raining for days… Sitri… great fire… no heartbeat… is this child even human?_

She stopped on that page. A lump in her throat.

_“Perhaps this is what he wanted to show you...”_

“Professor?” A voice at the door caused her to turn sharply, slamming the book closed. She saw Manuela and Hanneman standing, somberly. There for her.

The three instructors convened in Manuela’s office, and each were set a glass as they took a seat around the small table. She poured a dark liquid into Byleth’s cup. Whiskey. Byleth had always liked whiskey. The aroma hit her quick and soothed slightly the turmoil internal.

Manuela took her seat with a sigh and filled her own glass halfway. 

“Poor form to let someone in grief drink alone.” She said, pouring Hanneman’s as well. She held up her cup, and the others mirrored her with a clink in the middle.

“To Jeralt.” She said.

“To Jeralt.” Hanneman repeated.

Byleth nodded mutely and they sipped their respects. The familiar burn warmed Byleth, when she hadn’t even realized she was still so cold.

They sat in silence, which was perfectly fine with her. She didn’t have much to say. She’d grown rather fond of their company and partnership over the year. They’d helped instruct her with faith and reason magic when she had come from no experience, and she’d helped them with practical battle knowledge for their lessons in turn. They’d proven to be fine colleagues, but even more, to be fine people. Many of her students adored them as well, Linhardt and Lysithea often running off after lecture to pick Hanneman’s brain. Mercedes and Dorothea often catching up with Manuela on healing magic or general gossip.

“You know, he loved you...” Manuela is the first to break the silence. Byleth turned to her, rattled from her silence.

“That he did.” Hanneman added softly. “He was as a proud a father as I’ve seen.” That idea made her chest feel tight again.

“Yeah. I do.” She responded, looking deep into the amber liquid in her glass and knocking the rest back. Manuela refilled it without a word, and Byleth appreciated it as wordlessly.

“Death, is unfortunately something we can rarely control.” Manuela said thoughtfully. “In the infirmary we like to think we can. That if we do our part we can cheat it. Take the control back... Love is something we have even less control over. So... I pray you’ll take comfort in the fact that he loved you... even if his death came all the same.” Manuela had surprised her early on with her knowledge of the world. She gave off this socialite exterior, but Byleth was coming to find more and more the depths of her dedication.

“She’s right... for all we study... all we learn... what we ultimately find are inevitables.” Hanneman added.

 _Fate._ Byleth could hear Sothis’ words from earlier echo in the back of her mind.

“But, what we also learn is how to change the things we can. Like who we drink with.” He raised his glass as he took a sip and Byleth wasn’t sure she’d ever seen him make a joke before. She tried to smile. Thought maybe she’d managed a small one.

“Here’s to that.” Manuela added and they finished their cups and were poured another.

***********************************************Anger**

Grief was what everyone kept calling it. This tight-fisted grip on her insides that would come to her unprompted. Absorb her thoughts in the blink of an eye. She didn’t care for it. The other instructors had offered to take over her lectures for the month, and she appreciated it. She wasn't sure she could conduct a lesson plan at current, with these unexpected spikes of what felt like a curved dagger in the back. She tried to find a task, though the first one was none too pleasant. Sorting through Jeralt’s things.

Alois had asked her if she’d prefer he do it, but after seeing the journal the night before she had wanted to see if there was anything else he would have left for her. Anything else she could use to piece together her mysterious past. But when she returned to his office that morning… The journal was gone.

She was confused at first when it hadn’t been on the desk, looking around for it. Then she was angry. She should have taken it with her the night prior… who would’ve taken it? What did they now know about her that even she did not…? She grabbed the ends of the desk in her anger and flipped it back, crushing the chair underneath, causing the floor to shake at the impact, papers and folders sent up in the air and coming to flutter all about in a cascade of white. Her shoulders shook as she looked down at the disarray she’d caused.

 _“Byleth…”_ Sothis’ voice floated to her side. She could make out the image of the spirit, saw the concern on her face.

“I’m sorry…” She responded as a whisper. She could almost feel the girls hand on her shoulder, squeezing with affection. She’d come to think fondly of the voice that lived in her head, and she was thankful she was there. But ashamed to be acting so childish in front of her.

 _“If you must cry, then cry. I will not judge you for your tears.”_ Byleth hadn’t registered she was crying until she heard Sothis’ words. She wiped her palm across her wet cheek, then let this unknown emotion course through her, singeing her nerves, boiling her blood, and extinguishing it just as quickly.

When she felt more in control she was left to tidy up the chaotic heap she’d created, and stacked the papers in respective piles, eventually getting the desk back to it’s position. The chair had lost a leg in the midst of being crushed, and the sight of it made Byleth incredibly upset for some reason she couldn’t explain. The sun began to set as she finished fixing the mess she’d made.

So day one had been a waste.

She returned the next day and found herself able to start dealing with the sorting and cleaning. She no longer felt angry, just… empty. An unexpected loneliness hit her at the journals loss... like a deep pit in her gut that she’d never noticed, now threatening to swallow her whole. It was like losing her family, as well as the last key to her past. To who she was. She wondered if she’d ever feel... connected again.

She sorted aimlessly. A task was a task. Papers for the church. Armor and training gear for the academy. The sheets from the bed to be returned to the staff. His boots and clothes… to be burned for all she cared. Though she’d give them to the staff as well. Perhaps they could be repurposed.

They were burying Jeralt today… in the tomb where Byleth’s mother lay. There wasn’t to be a ceremony. There wouldn’t be for a knight. She still wouldn’t go.

Rhea came to see her and offered condolences. She looked to be hurting, but Byleth could offer little to her. She didn’t know how to help anymore than she knew how to get passed where she was stuck. She didn’t know what she was. The words she’d glimpsed kept playing back to her.

 _Raining… Sitri… fire… heartbeat…_ **_is this child even human?_ **

Amongst her searching she found the parcel that had been on the desk, and realized she’d forgotten of it in the wake of losing the journal. She opened it to find the ring. The ring her father had given her mother… She strung it on a cord she’d cut from his gear and draped it around her neck, under her armor. She pressed it to her skin with her hand, feeling… nothing still. It was the only piece of her past that there was… it would have to be enough.

_‘Give it to someone special someday. Someone you love as I loved her.’_

Love… seemed impossible.

On the third day Edelgard was standing in the doorway. Byleth had been relieved to see her at first, then ashamed. She shouldn’t have been away from her class this long. The fire in her student's eyes did little to reassure her.

“So this is where you’ve been?” It had been where she’d spent most of the week. Even when not here, generally avoiding human contact. Byleth looked away and back at her current task, which was sorting the stacks and stacks of books she’d taken off his shelves.

Edelgard came into the room and crouched in front of Byleth, eyes as perceptive as ever as she tried to continue the sorting instead of speaking.

“You’ve been crying…” It was a statement, not a question. Byleth’s eyes must have been red still. They were becoming that way, even without her tears falling. They’d felt like they’d been building, then retreating back. As if she didn’t know how to let them fall…

“So, even you cry.” The words fell rather carelessly, as if Edelgard hadn’t considered them. Usually a comment like that wouldn’t bother Byleth, but coming from her… the girl who had claimed they were the same and had understood her better than most... it stung more than she thought it was intended to.

_Is this child even human?_

“Perhaps that was rude of me to say.” Edelgard added.

“S’ fine.” Byleth mumbled out. Not wanting to deal with that thought again.

Edelgard nodded and Byleth returned to the books and continued to sort. Reading the first few pages and determining if they went to the knights, the school, or to be donated. She found a few swordplay books she thought to give Felix, a story of Loog for Ashe, a study of terrains across Fodlan for Ferdinand. She even had one set aside on meditation as a sleeping aide to give to Edelgard. But right now she couldn’t look up at those piercing violet eyes. She felt them peeling back her flesh, trying to assess the state of her insides.

“My teacher, how long do you intend to stay in hiding?”

The sternness in her tone was what snapped Byleth’s eyes back from her task. Had she… heard her right?

She crinkled her brow and stared at her student.

“Locking out the world and licking your wounds won’t bring your father back. Avoiding your students, and your responsibilities… Is this you giving up?” She continued. _Giving up…_

“If that’s what you think...” Byleth asked, incredulous. Angry. Hurt. “Perhaps you don’t know me as well as you thought.”

Edelgard looked surprised at her wording. Offended even. Byleth found it almost comical with the words she’d just thrown in her direction.

“Perhaps not. The professor I know wouldn’t normally speak to me that way. I’ll forgive it this once, but you know I wouldn’t say this to you without reason. So consider this... what will you do now?”

Byleth looked pointedly at her, not in the mood for riddles.

“The enemies that attacked Remire, attacked the monastery, they are still out there. They are planning something. And I am readying myself for that. What are you doing in preparation? Tell me my teacher?” She stood, speaking down toward Byleth now. An audible silence passed between them and Edelgard’s authoritative tone softened momentarily as she chose her next words.

“When they are discovered I wish to face them with you leading us… the way we are strongest. That can not happen if you are here, wallowing. I need you to ask yourself: Will you ignore the future, fast approaching, to hold onto the past? Or will you stand with us and move forward?” She turned back to the door as if not expecting an answer. Byleth had none to give. She rested a hand on the frame, looking back once more with those damn violet eyes. In the moment they felt like they burned.

“A choice must be made… and while I have no intention of crying with you, when the time comes I will be there. To offer my hand… I hope you’ll take it.”

She was left alone again, squatting over a stack of books, and Byleth felt… too much. She felt too much at once. Her hands shook and she clenched and unclenched them, as she would before a battle. Trying to calm the flames raging inside. Admittedly it felt better and worse than the cold from before.

She stared at the book she had set aside for Edelgard, and hurled it across the room. It hit the wall and fluttered open on the ground with a thud. She could see some of the pages folded awkwardly under their weight, and sighed. She felt childish, and rose to retrieve the book, brushing off the dust and fixing the bent spine. She returned it to the stack of general donation, and tried bitterly to return to the task at hand, but her hands shook at the corners of the pages making it hard to read them.

 _“That one is quite arrogant. Rude. Presumptive. Outspoken. Stubborn. She is many things… but she isn’t wrong…”_ Sothis spoke to her, genuinely, softly, and Byleth sighed. She felt some of the tension leave her. Her hands stopped shaking. Sothis was right… Edelgard was right… she was stuck. She’d never processed something like this… and she was scared.

Scared she could lose more.

She sighed once more and lifted the book she had been saving for Edelgard out of the pile, brushing off the spine and trying to un-bend the corners of the pages that had been crumpled.

She sat it on the desk and decided she’d deal with it later.

***********************************************Guilt**

The next day… Byleth left the office. She donated the supplies to the expected channels, giving the library its share, the knights their armor, Seteth the documents, and Manuela whatever booze had been hidden in the desk.

She returned to her room briefly and changed into a fresh set of clothes, placing the meditation book on her desk. Her eyes fell to it as she left and she placed her hand subconsciously over the ring on the chain. _Later. She’d decide later._

She went about the grounds. It was bright out. Blindingly so. Maybe she’d really just been inside too long. It was a weekend, a free day. She knew that meant she’d see students. But that would have to happen eventually. A group of first years were hanging around the courtyard as she passed through and were quick to run up and offer an onslaught of condolences and kind words in endless bouts. She nodded, trying to be receptive. It was all incredibly awkward. She did her best to thank them, to hear them speak their fears. She hoped they had someone to talk to besides her, for she had little to offer.

When she finally broke away she found Leonie next. This was one she hadn’t been looking forward to but could not evade. She walked toward her and was surprised when the red-head turned and grabbed onto her shoulder. Her eyes looked more emotional than she’d ever seen.

“So… he’s really gone…” Was all the typically fiery student was able to get out. Byleth nodded. “I’m… I’m sorry… I know… this must be hard for you, I just…” And Byleth could see her falter. It cracked something in her. This wasn’t even one of her students… and she had been so hurt… she had needed someone… she had needed Byleth. Maybe she could fix that.

“Join my house.” She said abruptly. Her mind made up. Her voice scratchy.

“What?” Leonie asked, emotion brimming. “You’re serious?” Byleth nodded.

“Join the Black Eagles. I… can still learn something from his first and greatest apprentice. Easier for us to keep an eye on each other’s safety and progress.” Leonie brushed at her eye with the back of her wrist and chuckled, a slight waver breaking through.

“Well when you put it that way… It seems I don’t have much of a choice. We’re the last of his legacy after all.” She looked renewed and the smile on her face brought Byleth closer to one herself. She wasn’t ready quite yet, but she was on her way.

Leonie agreed to talk to her professor and get the appropriate forms, and Byleth wondered what that would be like now with 12 students.

Ashe had requested and joined as soon as they were sent after Lonato. The boy had been one of the kindest and most earnest Byleth had ever met. He had come far, even earning their dancer representation and winning. Sylvain had asked from day one, though she had declined, assuming it was only to hit on her or her other students, but after their mission with his brother she’d seen his resolve and allowed it. Marianne had surprised her most of all by asking, but she could sense she needed a place to belong. Her students had embraced her wholeheartedly, and she couldn’t have refused the girl. Byleth had often wondered if Leonie would ask as well, but she saw she had been waiting to be invited. Byleth could make that up to her now. She deserved it.

She saw Sothis for a moment float up beside he. Saw the girl smile at her approvingly. Perhaps she could handle this after all. A little at a time.

Byleth went to the dining hall next. She hadn’t eaten well in days, and she hoped she could simply make an appearance and try to find some semblance of normal again.

Those hopes were dashed along with her new confidence as soon as she walked through the door. She felt every eye on her. The knights, the cooks, the students, everyone. Including one set of violet. She looked in the direction immediately and found Edelgard, sitting at one of the benches with Hubert to her side. Many of the Eagles scattered around the bench. She smiled assuredly toward Byleth, but the professor broke away. She wasn’t ready to get lost in her gaze again.

She got her tray, and before she could so much as turn toward a table, was stopped by a knight that wished to apologize over the loss of Jeralt. Every subsequent knight in the building seemed to get the same idea, and they surrounded her, telling her how honorable her father had been. It was a nice sentiment the first few times, but after about the fifteenth knight she was considering punching the next person to speak to her. Her agitation grew, she needed to get out of there, but could barely move a step. Her students seemed to notice and Caspar threw his tray against the ground with a loud clattering, and the staff all turned to him confused.

“Uh, whoops. Slipped!” He said loudly and shrugged.

Byleth used the moment to break away. She’d have to thank him later, and perhaps teach him better distraction techniques.

She got outside still gripping the tray, her hands shaking, and decided she’d lost her appetite, leaving it on the ground for the strays to pick at.

Being back out in the open had been a start, but maybe she wasn’t ready for normal yet. There was still an anxiety plaguing the back of her mind. And she didn’t know how to shake it. She walked the grounds hurriedly until she turned a corner and almost bumped into Bernadetta.

The student yipped in surprised.

“P-Professor… you’r-re out a-again.” _I could say the same of you,_ she thought to say. Instead she looked at the small handful of lilies she clutched against her chest.

“Those look nice Bernie.” She said softly. Bernadetta stared at the ground and swayed slightly.

“Th-thank y-ou. I was going t-to place them on Jeralt’s g-grave.” That comment hit her harder than anything had so far. Bernie… her reclusive, nervous wreck of a student had emerged from her confines. And Byleth had been tightening hers. She reached forward and rested a hand on Bernadetta’s shoulder. The girl tensed and looked back to Byleth.

“That is a lovely idea. Thank you for doing that.” She said as sincere as she could manage. Her student blushed, with a small smile.

“Y-yeah, well he was-s really kind. E-even to me-ee.”

“Yeah, he was.” Byleth nodded. She gave her student her space and felt some of the anxiety transforming… now it was guilt. And it was heavy. Edelgard had been right, she was needed.

 _“Your students have grown much under you. Even that one.”_ Sothis interrupted her spirals. She nodded.

“Professor.” Hubert. _Great._ She turned to look at her student as he had appeared behind her without a sound, as was his customary form of greeting. He looked… different. His scowl was softer than usual, and his eye didn’t bore into her thoughts… he instead looked almost passive.

“I am not often one for formalities when these sorts of occasion arise, but I would like to say… that it is regrettable what has happened to Jeralt. He was a good man, and his life is a loss.” She hadn’t expected chivalry from Hubert in the wake.

“That being said,” _Ahh there it was._ “That is no excuse to falter in your duties to her Majesty. Keep that in mind.” Classic Hubert. He left with a curt bow and his arms tucked behind his back. Byleth shook her head, but knew that his words were genuine. And could appreciate the effort something of that magnitude took for her most serious of students. They were really trying for her. Shouldn’t she be trying for them?

She wanted to find something productive to lend herself to. Something away from people. Anything she could take off the to-do list. Stable duty always seemed to be least favorite chore assigned, so she headed off in that direction. Maybe she could manage something, anything, as progress and retribution for lack of action as of late.

Byleth liked horses. They never treated her different. She pet their manes as she arrived, giving Dorte extra affection for Marianne, and stripped her coat (the coat her father gave her…) rolling up her sleeves to get to work.

The sweat shown through her shirt fast, and she welcomed the sensation as she raked the old hay and dirt and manure out of the stalls. The banality of the task was both a blessing and a curse. Her mind didn’t need to be too engaged, which made it doable, but left gaps to wander to worse things.

Every now and then she’d feel the soft brush of a horses muzzle, or swat of their tail against her back, and it would pull her back from her reprieve. Keep her grounded. She was _finishing_ this task, she wouldn’t let her minds darkness get the best of her.

She collected the sacks of old hay and dragged them out to discard, then hauled a fresh bail over either shoulder to reline the interior.

“Professor…” Byleth had to turn to see the voice, her peripherals cut off by the large rolls of hay. Edelgard stood at the edge of the stalls. Byleth felt her chest rise and fall at the same time, still conflicted on if she was ready to see her. “Could we talk?”

They sat on the stoop outside the stables, Byleth had draped her coat over her sweat laced back and stared straight ahead. The Emperor did the same. She fiddled with her fingers in her lap, not seeming to be able to begin the conversation she’d wanted to have.

“I’m glad to see you about the grounds again.” She said finally, turning to face Byleth, who still stared straight ahead. “How has it been?”

“Stressful.” Byleth said blankly. “I can’t hear anyone else be sorry for my loss… I’ve never…” She furrowed her brow and felt displaced as she tried to find the words. “I’ve never done this before.”

She finally turned to face Edelgard, who looked concerned in a caring way. It felt like ice going down Byleth’s throat to have someone look at her like that now.

“I guess… I don’t know how to mourn him.” Byleth said, barely a murmur, turning away again.

They sat in silence awhile, an oddness in the air. She could sense her student tense as she was.

“I see…”

Byleth let the silence sit between them. She couldn’t think of what else to do. She knew Edelgard was not the kind to apologize, so she wasn’t holding her breath. Part of her wanted to leave. Part of her wanted to ask her how she grieved when she’d lost her family. She imagined her student was reliving those memories… but she knew that question would hurt her. Even after yesterday… she never wished to do that.

“My teacher, I worry that I’ve created a rift between us. That was not my intent, merely to force you to see the choices laid out before you…”

Force was a good word for Edelgard. She was quite the force in every way. Byleth stared at the brick pattern across from her as if it would hold any form of answer. She knew the truth of her students words… knew she hadn't said it to upset her. But she had all the same.

“Before the monastery, my life contained very little ‘choice.’ My father and I were mercenaries. We went from village to village on his order. And I never questioned.”

Byleth was almost surprised by her words, as if they were linked to some part of her she’d never considered.

“I trusted his course, and stayed it. I buried more men and women than I’d ever care to count. Allies and enemies alike. Spilled so much blood. On his call. Then we arrived here and…” She felt her energy growing… felt the things that had threatened her composure cracking further to the surface. “Everything I knew about my life changed. Every detail of my history was pulled into question, and for good reason. My simple life was not as it seemed… and the only person that knew anything of it is under six feet of earth.” She shook her head a pained laugh on the edge of her words.

“It’s rather melodramatic. The life I knew is truly gone… whether I wanted to know about it or not, I never will… and I don’t know how to mourn that any better than I do him.” Byleth suddenly felt that she had spoken too much. Feeling too much. A tear slipped from her eye and she was quick to wipe it away, not to appear weak in front of the stone-faced Emperor who had reprimanded her the day prior.

“You asked me to make a choice. I choose the future, not the past. I have much work to do to meet it.”

She sensed Edelgard reaching out, but she couldn’t… she couldn’t be strong right now if she offered any form of forgiveness. She wasn’t ready to forgive. She rose to her feet instead, taking away the students opportunity.

“If I couldn’t save my father when he was right in front of me... then what chance do I stand at protecting my students?”

She let herself wear a self-deprecating, grit smile and she could see Edelgard’s saddened eyes in her peripherals.

“I have something to ask you princess…” She said turning to face her. “Monica... did you know?”

The energy coming off of Edelgard flipped completely in the moment. As if she’d shut herself off.

“I feared she was up to something, but I did not know what.” Edelgard finally spoke, her composure still strong, though it was her turn to hide from Byleth’s gaze.

“Why wouldn’t you tell me that?” Byleth breathed, pained and strained, balling her hands into fists. “You spent more time with her than anyone… and you know me better than any here… I would’ve… could’ve…” She bit her lip, anger rising. She didn’t want to say something she’d regret.

There was no response from the princess, and she sensed there was none she could give that would satisfy her. She felt the rift between them grow. She wondered who put it there, and could see no way to bridge it. She didn’t want to try.

“With all the things you’ve trusted me with until now… I wish you’d have trusted me with that.” Byleth muttered, before putting further distance between them. As she walked away she cursed herself.

She hadn’t laid the fresh hay. She hadn’t finished her task. She couldn’t seem to do anything right.

***********************************************Depression**

Sleep eluded her most nights. When it did find her it brought with it dark dreams. She watched Jeralt fall countless times. Watched her students grizzly deaths follow. Always right in front of her. Always with her unable to do a damned thing.

The first night these dreams came to her she awoke with tears streaming down her face. The second time was more violent, as she smashed a vase across the room. Her body covered in sweat, her lungs panting as she sat in the collapsing darkness around her. She tried to will away the images of blades and beasts taking her students. They were persistent.

A knock came at her door. Mercedes. She doormed nearby, and was perhaps the kindest soul Byleth had ever met... but right now Byleth couldn’t deal with that much compassion.

“Are you alright professor? I heard a rather loud sound?” She asked, worry evident across her usual angelic features. Byleth made up some excuse about a bad dream and stumbling in the dark. In reality she had grabbed the closest thing, the vase, and hurled it as hard as she could. She saw the shattered pieces doting the floor.

“Well if there’s anything I can help you with professor… anything at all, please let me know.” She took a few steps from the door before turning back to her, another soft smile. “And please, do try to take care of yourself. We couldn’t bear to lose you too...”

Her words made Byleth’s throat feel like sand and she nodded and mumbled a goodnight before returning to bed. She laid there for hours, unable to even close her eyes... until the sun rose through the crack in the door.

The next night when she woke she grabbed her axe and went to the training grounds, prying the lock open and staying until sun up and the first bell. She had destroyed nearly every training dummy in the arena. Her assault had been relentless. She went back to her dorm, sweaty and sore, but even her physically exhausted body could not keep her mind at bay. The images came regardless, so she changed her clothes and went to the library to try and tire her mind. She sat there for hours. She saw Linhardt, though he graciously offered a half-asleep nod and returned to his work. She wondered if his head would explode if she told him she couldn’t sleep.

She walked the grounds after, trying to keep appearances. Receding was no longer an option, she couldn’t fail her students. Bernie, Ashe, and Ignatz were firings away quivers in the courtyard and she joined them for a few rounds. Caspar came by saying he wanted to improve, and she tried to help him with his posture. He’d definitely gotten better, and she appreciated his efforts.

She returned to the training grounds and sparred with whoever was there. Felix, Raphael, Dimitri, Leonie, anyone.

As the sun set she quickly took dinner outside the dining hall, and found Manuela teaching Lysithea and Annette some after hours magic techniques. She invited Byleth to stay, and she did.

She went back to her room, feeling exhausted from the busy day… but still… still… her mind thought to punish her. She couldn’t find rest.

She returned to the training grounds.

She repeated the cycle. Over and over… day after day… week after week.

Training grounds at night. Library at first bell. Courtyard for archery in the afternoon. Back to the training grounds until dinner. Manuela’s study for magic. Back to her room to change and repeat again.

She was sure her students were onto her. As best as she did to appear fine around them, they seemed unconvinced of her act. But too kind to say anything. Dorothea took to bringing her lunch in the library each day, using it as an excuse to gossip idly while Byleth sat mostly silently and tried to engage. She only heard static, her senses dulled from insomnia. Lysithea started bringing her dinner to their sessions with Manuela, and whenever anyone tried to ask her if she was doing alright she’d respond ‘fine’ and push on. She _was_ fine.

The person who had been onto her from the beginning was Edelgard… but she had destroyed the olive branch that had been extended. Anytime she did see Edelgard their interactions were quick… awkward… both of them unsure how to begin to heal the bond.

Byleth would offer a nod, which she would return.

“Professor.”

“Princess.” And she’d see her frown on the corners of her lips. She knew she didn’t like that term. And she knew she was being childish, but it was easier.

Easier to train herself to the point of breaking than to stop and let the grief catch up.

She caught Sothis giving her concerned looks whenever these interactions would occur. She must’ve been frustrated to see Byleth this way. Though she never accused her of it.

Something was bound to give between her body and her mind, and it was surprisingly Mercedes that broke first. As Byleth left her dorm, axe in hand for the nights training, Mercedes was there.

“Professor.”Byleth had been surprised to see her. She looked incredibly troubled, wrinkles of worry plastered over her soft features. She held a small clay jar close to her chest.

“Professor... I’m worried about you. We all are.”

Byleth didn’t have a response. Of course she had noticed the looks and whispers as she passed. She couldn’t fault them. She was worried too…

“I know you’re overdoing it. You’re pushing yourself too hard and your body won’t keep at this pace. You have to get some rest. Your eyes look like they haven’t slept in weeks.”

That was accurate.

“I brought you this tea. It’s a special blend to help. Please take it.”

She held the clay jar out and Byleth took it in her hand, her fingers reacting slowly to grasp the container.

“Thank you.” She managed to mumble.

“Professor... you must promise me you’ll try it. No more night sessions. No more all day training. You have to give yourself a break. Solon and Monica... they’re very powerful... and you’d be no good in this state.”

She was right.

“Please... promise me...”

“I can’t.” Byleth murmured.

Mercedes looked as if she may cry.

“I can’t... lose...” Her words faltered. Her head was spinning. Mercedes leaned forward and embraced her tightly. She was crying.

“Professor, that’s not your fault. None of what happened is your fault... You think you’re making yourself stronger but you’re not!”

Admittedly, Byleth felt quite weak. When she pulled back Byleth found that she too was crying. A subtle release of tears, dripping down her cheeks.

“Please, please try the tea...”

“I promise...” Byleth mumbled. “Thank you Mercedes...” And this time Byleth embraced her. She looked up and saw Sothis floating from behind the girl. The spirit smiled, and quietly joining the hug. Byleth felt her tears continue. As if they’d run throughout her body. It felt like healing.

That night she made the tea in her dorm, using a heating spell to boil the water and seep the leaves. As she sipped, she glanced at her desk where she saw the book. The book she’d set aside for Edelgard… A book on meditation and sleep exercises, and suddenly felt like a great fool that it had been here the whole time. She smiled wearily in spite of it and flipped open it’s pages to read through some of the suggestions. She tried the first pose, sitting with her legs crossed in front of her, and her feet pressed into her knees. The butterfly position they called it.

Then it instructed her to take a deep breath, hold it, and count down from 10, breathing out slowly.

She did. Inhale…. hold it…. count down... exhale slowly… _10…9…8…7..._

The book instructed to repeat as many times as needed. She did. Something like 78 times as she sipped the tea in between. As she realized she’d lost count, it struck her how heavy her eyelids felt. Fatigue settled at once, and she barely had the wherewithal to reach up and grab the corner of the sheet from her bed, pulling it to the ground and bundling around it. Her conscious faded quickly to dark… and the dreams were there all the same. But they were hazy. No longer crystal clear punishments… blurry suggestions. They washed over her until they were just pictures… then the pictures were just colors… then the colors were dark. And she found the place of rest beyond her fear.

***********************************************Acceptance**

She woke in the morning… actually, it was the afternoon, she realized as she blinked awake. Her body felt heavy and groggy. Like all the muscles that had been overworked were finally collapsing and refusing to wake. She laughed from the floor and rubbed her eyes with her palm.

 _“Just a little longer.”_ Sothis’ groggy voice cut through her hazy morning thoughts. She yawned, and agreed, slipping back to uneventful rest.

When Byleth woke again the sun was high in the sky, threatening evening. She stood and stretched her arms over her head. She saw Sothis floating next to her, mirroring her stretch, and found great humor in a ghost stretching. She also caught the immediate glare at thinking of her as a ghost. She smiled at the goddess.

“Thank you.” She addressed the spirit. “And... I’m sorry. Must’ve been rather lousy sharing a soul with me lately.”

 _“No, Byleth. There is no need to apologize for what you are going through. I… am happy to see your heart grow. Sometimes to grow, things break, but you are picking up the pieces.”_ Then she crossed her arms and floated a little further away. A playfully dismissive look on her face. _“You may have taken a little long for my liking, but what can be done? You are rather hopeless.”_ Byleth feigned a pout and Sothis sighed.

_“Come now, don’t give me that look, you know I hate it. You’re like a wounded puppy.”_

Byleth hummed a sight chuckle, and couldn’t remember the last time she had actually laughed. She looked at her desk and had a renewed sense of what she should do. She wanted to get back to teaching. Wanted to return to her students. She felt a pang akin to loss for all the time she’d wasted around them, and wished to rectify it. She would speak to the other professors as soon as she could to see where their lectures had left off. But first she had somewhere else she needed to go. A wrong that needed righting.

She gathered the book and the tea leaves and headed with purpose toward the second floor dorms. Her student had taken the first step twice now, it was her turn to reach out for her.

She knocked on the door and was greeted with a semi-startled look from her house head.

“Professor… what brings you here?” Edelgard asked.

“You.” Byleth spoke softly, and saw her eyebrows raise in an unsure gesture. “Could we talk for a moment?” The silver-haired warrior nodded curtly and asked her in, closing the door behind her, then moved to sit at her desk. She peered wearily at her teacher who stayed standing at the door, not wanting to cross any boundary the girl hadn’t intended her to.

Byleth studied the room a moment. She’d only been in here once, and it had been night. The night she’d opened up to her about her nightmares… In the light it was quite orderly, books stacked neatly on the desk, armor and training weapons stored in the corner. There was a vase with a single wilting carnation, and it made Byleth’s chest feel tight. The one she’d given her months ago, drooping slightly as the purified water it sat in could only prolong so much. She’d have to plant more and bring her fresh ones. Her eyes trailed to the bed and she noticed the sheets bunched and balled. She frowned slightly, imagining the nightmares the girl must have endured while she’d been avoiding her. She breathed a sigh and turned back to Edelgard, who was looking more and more curiously at her, and less and less trusting of whatever her intentions had been.

Byleth had done this, she had damaged their relationship, so she needed to take the first steps to mend it. She moved toward her cautiously, until she’d come to stand directly in front of her, book and jar still stuffed under an arm. Then she crouched onto a knee so they were eye-level, a sign of submission. Edelgard looked surprised and confused, but the distrust seemed to float away.

“Edelgard, I owe you an apology.” She said sincerely, letting the words hang between them. “I know why you said what you said. It was what I needed to hear. And I didn’t like it, so I shut you out. That was wrong.” Edelgard’s mask of control and calm was slipping slightly. She saw what this meant to her. “I hate that I did that to you…” Byleth said, feeling a pang in her chest. She had to look away a moment to compose herself and shook her head of the regret once she could. No use letting the hate grow… admit it… move past it.

“And Monica is not your responsibility. You hold no blame in her actions. It was immature and inane of me to say otherwise. You extended your arm to me, and I denied you. This is me accepting now. It may be too late, it just took til now to figur-“ Edelgard silenced her by extending her hand in front of the teacher. Byleth smiled smally and accepted it with her free one. She felt the fingers in the glove wrap around hers smoothly. The silk was soft and cool.

“Thank you. For your support. I came to offer mine in turn.” She released her hand long enough to retrieve the book and jar from under her arm.

“I was hoping these would help you sleep. They’ve helped me.” A small smile still struck at her lips and when she looked up she saw Edelgard mirroring her expression. She accepted the book and jar and set them on the desk. Now it was her turn to surprise Byleth, and she knelt on the floor in front of her teacher, resting a hand on her shoulder and smiling, fuller now.

“Thank you my teacher. It is a relief to have you back. We’ve… missed you.” Byleth smiled and leaned forward until their foreheads touched with a contented sigh. She thought she saw Edelgard’s cheeks turn red, but she merely breathed a laugh. _Cute._ Was the word she decided that was.

Byleth stood at her fathers grave in the late afternoon. The sun receding behind the treeline. She didn’t know what to say to a deadman. She’d never been good with words. Or emotions. And this required both.

Or maybe it didn’t. Maybe she just had to do what felt right for her. So she extended a hand slowly, unsurely, and rested it against the stone. It was cold to the touch. Not as smooth as it had looked. She grazed her thumb up and down the bumpy edge. She breathed deep. She noticed the flowers that had been left by various students.

“I hope you’re done fighting now.” She said finally. “I hope you found mom.” And that felt like the final great weight had left her chest as the breeze pushed around her. Her father had been a fighter his whole life. He lived a warrior and died one... perhaps rest wasn’t the worst thing...

 _“He’d be proud of you Byleth.”_ The voice of her friend floated alongside her, and brought her another smile.

Yeah... she knew he would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, sorry bout that ❤️🙈  
> As I was writing this one it was... hard. Hard to go there as a a writer and to bring Byleth, but it made me really appreciate where it ended. I think I like Byleth’s emotionless schtick, cause I can be similar... It’s very easy for me to share emotions after they’ve passed not during, and I think exploring the emotional extent of someone going through that for the first time was heavier than I intended it to be.
> 
> I was nervous about starting two series at once (between this one and After Stockholm) but it’s given me the ability to let more ideas simmer between the two, so hopefully it won’t be too too long in between updates. I appreciate you bearing with me if you’re only here for one of the other :)
> 
> Annndddd that’s about it. Really interested to see your guys thoughts on this one, feel free to throw thoughts in the comments, and hugs all around (think we all need it after that). Have a great week and be good to yourselves until we meet again ❤️


	3. Carnation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byleth goes through changes, much like the life cycle of a flower.  
> Carnations become a symbol for a friend, for a student, and for someone who she has yet to define.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey evvveryybody. If you’re reading this hi. This chap was really dedicated to breaking down some of the scenes related to the Flame Emperor reveal and the choosing of sides. And the emotions good and bad that go with it. I had a lot of fun diving into this, and then carnations became kind of a motif for our girls.  
> I found out they go through a phase called dormancy and I was like... you know who goes dormant... 👀  
> So all the little chap breaks are related to a phase of a Carnation life cycle.  
> I know so much more about horticulture now. Including the word horticulture.
> 
> Any who, yes this should take us through the time skip! And next chap will play more with the other characters post war and what they’re going through (so that’ll be real real fun).
> 
> The song this week I actually found after the initial idea for Carnations and it fit soooo well I got pumped. And found a new mellow modern musician that I’m into. So hope you’ll give them a chance :)
> 
> Carnation - Yumi Zouma  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9X2XfNiQXo
> 
> (also if you read After Stockholm, I apologize for the lack of updates this month. There WILL be an update in May, we’re getting there, we made some changes and fine-tuning and it took longer than expected but I swear it’s coming. Hope you enjoy this in the mean time!)

**Part 3 - The First Time Through**

Byleth brushed back some of the sweat on her brow as she worked in the greenhouse. It only succeeded in smearing more dirt across her cheeks, but she was still smiling as she surveyed her progress. She’d gotten permission from the groundskeeper to take over one of the flowerbeds in the back, and had half of it roped off with vegetables and fruits, already taking hold in the soil. On the other half she was laying an intricate bed of carnations. She’d bought every pack of seeds the merchants in the square could offer, talking with them about the varieties, the species, the hybrids. She read every book in the library about horticulture, and learned of the flower’s resilience in different environments, how far the roots needed to spread, how tall they may grow, prime distance to leave between seeds for maximum health.

She stood over the lot she’d finally finished weeding, and began poking holes into the dirt beneath with her thumb in a methodical pattern, dropping a seed pod in each. As she continued she felt a lightness at the idea of what it would look like when all the petals had started opening. Imagining the red of the blossoms brought her back to the red of her coat. The strength in their stems and roots reminded her how grounded she always remained. And their ability to adapt in any circumstance and overcome… was pure Edelgard. It put a warmth in her chest and smile on her lips. She hoped she’d like the flowers.

*****************************************************Metamorphosis**

The battle had been hard fought, long and arduous, and at the end of it all Byleth had… changed. She was different now. She studied her reflection in her silver sword, barely recognizing the face looking back at her. It was familiar and alien all at once. They’d killed Solon… they’d killed Kronya… and she felt a certain relief at that. But as she looked at her new hair and eye color in the blade, she thought of what she’d lost… _Sothis_.

Her hair and eyes had turned a jade green. A mirror image of the Goddess that had given herself to free Byleth from Solon’s dark spell. She’d been foolish… weak… and now it had cost her something else she cared for. She felt the weight of it on her shoulders, saw the effects on her face… and suddenly felt… lightheaded. Really lightheaded.

“Professor…” Edelgard came up behind her, expression composed to the average onlooker. But Byleth knew her student better than that. She saw the question burning in her eyes. Not just about what had happened… but deeper yet…

_‘Have you changed as well?’_

She wanted to say something... to put her mind at ease... but she suddenly felt the world spinning. Felt it flip up from down. She was halfway to the ground when she felt her student's arms around her.

“Professor, hey hey…” She caught her as her legs gave out and helped her to the ground. She looked down and saw the bloody slice under Byleth’s chest.

“Linhardt, quickly!” Edelgard called over her shoulder. Byleth hadn’t noticed the wound… as she laid there now, she realized how much she hurt. It was a lot. Like she’d fallen off a mountain and bruised her whole body the on the way down. Perhaps being banished to another dimension, merging with a spirit, and slicing through time and space had taken more out of her than she’d realized. When she looked down she saw there was indeed a swipe of red across her ribs where Kronya had caught her.

Her head swam. Eyes felt heavy.

“You’re going to be ok. Rest now my teacher.” Her voice was comforting, and those violet eyes that had held such a curious gaze, replaced with the warmth and familiarity they’d assessed her with before. She found the sight soothing as she slipped out of consciousness.

She dreamed of darkness… an empty throne…. Rhea was there… she sang to her? What was she singing? She was lying in her lap while the Archbishop swooned, and ran fingers through her hair looking so pleased… so incredibly joyous and familiarly at Byleth. A way she’d never seen. She called her mother…

 _‘You’ve come back to me…’_ She said, tears were falling from her cheek now.

She stirred, trying to grasp her bearings… to understand this vision.

_‘Shh, we’ll be together soon. Gather your strength. And just allow yourself to rest.’_

When she awoke she was in her room. She blinked a few times, adjusting to her body. It still felt heavy. She looked to the corner Sothis had often occupied and it was empty… She realized she wouldn’t hear her voice anymore. It felt like a chunk of her chest had been scooped out… something she hadn’t been expecting to loose. Something she didn’t know she _could_ loose. She pictured Sothis smiling at her as they had merged…

_“This way… I will still be with you. But you may still be with your little ones. They’re looking for you, you know.”_

Their voices had called out to her, concern and confidence in equal measures. And it had worked. She honed in to them through the dark and found her way back. Sothis had made the decision on her own. She wouldn’t regret her sacrifice, she would celebrate it... and her second chance.

As she moved to sit up she felt her body fight her. Still sore. She looked down and saw she was in her bindings with fresh bandages and gauze wrapped around her ribs. Someone had put her in fresh shorts, but her boots and armor were nowhere to be seen. Her body still felt heavy and bruised. As if she’d been thrown from a wyvern.

She had a strong desire eating at the back of her mind to see her students. A need. To confirm they were ok... and to confirm something else. The last battle had been tough, and she had no idea how long she’d been out, but she also hadn’t gotten to explain... Explain why she was suddenly green and able to wield her sword with a humming red aura. She rose with a groan, and eased onto her feet. _Gods she was stiff._ She saw her coat on the desk chair and threw it over her shoulders, considering that good enough for the time being, and went to greet the world.

As she opened the door the bright light caused her to squint, and she held a hand to block the sun while her eyes adjusted.

“Professor.” Cyril was directly outside her door. “Lady Rhea would like to see you immediately.” She blinked. Cyril wasn’t usually one to accept a no, especially when it related to Rhea. He swayed on his heels back and forth, as if he was losing time talking to her. This kid always was in such a hurry.

“Was on my way to see my class. Can you tell me how they are?”

He shrugged.

“Fine, some went to Manuela when you got back, but that was three days ago. They’re all out now. Look, you’ve already kept Lady Rhea waiting, I gotta get you over to her. She said she wanted to know as soon as you woke up.” Byleth sighed. She was relieved to know they were all ok, but three days? She had to stop disappearing on them.

In the moment, there wasn’t really much of a choice. She’d get back to them as soon as she could. And that dream… that dream she’d had nagged at her still. _Mother?_ She figured seeing the Archbishop would be a good way to put it to rest.

Rhea was beaming upon entrance. Byleth had never seen her this outwardly emotional. It was strange, the eagerness she regarded Byleth with. She spoke so quickly Byleth could barely keep up, but ultimately understood that her class was to take part in some sort of ceremony at the end of the month.

“You have no idea how long we’ve waited for someone like you Professor…” She said, and the words sent chills through her. She couldn’t decide why.

“I will arrange everything. This ceremony shall be a historic day. Your transformation signifies the blessing of the Goddess herself, and this will be an opportunity for her to reveal herself to you… to speak through you… to provide a holy vision.”

Byleth was tempted to tell her she’d been speaking to her for a long time now… and wasn’t sure this ceremony would change anything. But that hardly seemed like something she should get into right now.

And while the ceremony logistics and purpose was still rather in the dark, a small part of her hoped... maybe she would see Sothis again… get to tell her… she wasn’t even sure what she’d tell her. That she was sorry? Thankful? Missed her? She imagined if she saw her again they’d merely share a smile… and that would be enough. Just knowing that the other was ok…

“Does that work for you Professor?” Byleth realized she hadn't been listening.

She looked back trying to piece together where they were in the conversation but knew the Archbishop saw through her.

“Sorry, think I’m still… off. Could you say again?”

“Of course. I was saying your students will attend the ritual as well and act as your protection. The same way the holy knights once did for Lady Seiros. It is the highest honor the church can bestow on someone. I trust you have no objections to them being there?”

That made her uneasy.

“No, but… why do I need protection?”

“Oh no need to worry, no harm will come to them.” That just made her more concerned without really answering her question. “You’ll be there to protect them, and they you.”

That _was_ how every other mission had gone. What could be so different about this one? An uneasy pit formed in her chest. But she squished it for now. She agreed, sensing there wasn’t much room for dissension, and assured herself she’d figure out the details of it later... for now she couldn’t leave the audience hall fast enough. She wanted to get to her Eagles.

******************************************************Pollination**

As soon as she pushed open the door to the classroom she felt violet eyes trail to find her own and saw a smile grace her porcelain features. She felt her own lips curl up in turn. She was smiling easier and easier these days.

“Professor!” The group turned on their heels so quick she found herself surrounded in a matter of seconds. Petra and Ashe threw themselves in tight embraces at her and she almost collapsed under their combined weight. Leonie was there a second later with Ferdinand, both clasping her on the back.

“You gave us quite the scare there.” Leonie started, a fond chide to her tone.

“Yeah, but we knew you’d come back! That guy had no IDEA how tough you were!” Caspar yelled enthusiastically.

“Come now, we’re swarming our poor teacher. Let’s get her to a chair.” Dorothea offered, taking Byleth by the hand. She let herself be lead her to a bench, and practically fell into her seat. Maybe she was still a little weak.

“Professor, is what that mage said true? Did you go to another dimension? If so that opens numerous scientific questions.” Linhardt asked, tapping his chin.

“Is that even possible? I just thought he was pulling our leg. Like he made you disappear. Next he’d have pulled a rabbit out of his hat, or a coin from my ear.” Sylvain said with ajoking tone.

“Um… it could… be possible…” Marianne spoke, still looking at the floor. She’d been speaking up more and more, even looking up from the ground on occasion. Byleth was proud of her progress. “There are some… intense spells in Lysithea’s books…”

“W-were you s-scared professor?” Bernadetta asked from the back of the group. Byleth smiled and looked over everyone and shook her head. Her eyes turned to Edelgard, still standing at the front of the room.

“No.” She said calmly. “I knew I’d make it back.”

“That is the sounding like our teacher. Full of spirit!” Petra pumped her fist with a smile.

Similar voices and praises popped up, but Byleth felt the scene and details fading around her... instead surrounded by an ease. A relief that even with her changes… they still saw her as their professor. Her body shouldn’t just do what it did… she knew that. And wondered the long term implications of it, but part of her had expected a more volatile reaction. A chance they may not accept the changes… that they’d fear her.

Being welcomed back… being embraced… it alleviated a pain in her chest that had nothing to do with physical harm. She looked up from her moment of reprieve, her students still huddled around and chatting proudly of their victory, and she looked once more for those violet pools that silently studied her. The way they always were. She knew of all her students, (save perhaps Hubert) she would be the most suspicious of what had happened, but for now there was clear fondness and... relief. A sentiment she shared.

_‘I’m glad you made it back to us my teacher.’_

_‘I’m glad too.’_

As the lunch bell rang Edelgard insisted that she bring the professor to Manuela for a check-up while the others were dismissed to eat. Byleth liked that Edelgard was protective of her. And she thought perhaps the student enjoyed these moments alone as much as she did. She still hadn’t quite distinguished why, but the kinship she felt with the young Emperor was strong… pulling. Like a magnet in the Earth’s core, keeping her on her feet. Or a comet streaking across the sky… something alight and soaring down a destined path… something she hoped she could follow.

“Something on your mind my teacher?” Edelgard asked from her side. She had taken Byleth’s arm as they walked. She knew if she asked she’d say it was to support her, but the selfish part of her wanted to believe it was other reasons.

“Much…” She answered. Truthfully, there were many things nagging at her, beyond her over-analyzation of her attachment to her student. “You too?”

Edelgard smiled, facing forward.

“Yes, I suppose so.”

“About me?” She asked, semi-playfully, but mostly knowing that her ever analytical student would have questions. Probably ones she couldn’t answer.

“It’s certainly strange… what’s happened.” Edelgard said, not betraying any of her thoughts on the matter. Byleth hummed in agreement.

They rounded a corner through the courtyard and passed a group of men. Merchants and cooks, all stopping to greet Byleth. They offered handshakes, pats on the shoulder, words of kindness. She was rather taken aback. Edelgard watched the interactions, passively perceiving.

“Should I expect more of that?” Byleth asked when they were alone again. Edelgard huffed a slight laugh.

“Everyone believes you’ve been touched by the Goddess. So I think you just may.” Byleth felt uncomfortable at that, and it must’ve shown. “Does that bother you?”

“I guess so.” Byleth thought, considering. She had never thought much of how she felt about things before… but after losing her father… she’d thought about it more and more. She didn’t like the idea that it could sneak up on her that way again.

“The men who we just passed were from Remire. I slept in one of their stables last year, with the cows and pigs. Now they’re clasping my hands and asking for blessings. It’s just… different.” She furrowed her brow as if trying to find the words. “I think I scare them. More than I used to.”

“They have no reason to be scared of you Professor.” Edelgard said defensively, and Byleth smiled sheepishly.

“…I’m kind of scared.”

Edelgard looked surprised.

“You?”

Byleth nodded.

“Think so… this whole ceremony Rhea wants me to do... it puts the Eagles in danger. And it’s cause of this.” She ran a hand though her newly colored locks. “I don’t like it.”

Edelgard looked incredibly pensive.

“Why is it different than any of the other missions they’ve sent us on?”

“Because those I at least had an idea what we were in for. Felt that I could still protect you. This, I don’t know what to expect... and… I don’t know if it’s what I want.”

“What _do_ you want my teacher?” Edelgard asked, her voice quiet and intent.

Byleth merely smiled at her, confusion showing.

“I’m not sure. Never given the future much thought. Never had much of a say, or a promise that I would be there to greet it. It was next job, follow the mercs, follow orders, follow the church... but now…” Byleth’s smile hooked ever so at the corners of her lips. “Now I choose. And it’s… exciting. To decide for myself.”

Edelgard smiled for her. Something Byleth treasured, before the reality set in again.

“I worry though... that this ceremony will change all that.”

“Why do you say that?” Edelgard asked, her smile dropping.

“If I agree to this... there’s no telling what will become of me…” Byleth doesn’t know what she is asking in the moment. They pause, arriving outside of Manuela’s office, and realizing that this conversation was coming to an end… but she didn’t want it to. She searched her eyes a moment and could see the ever guarded soul beneath. Walls and a mask that Byleth craved to catch a glimpse behind.

_‘Tell me not to.’_

The words passed through her mind and out into the space between them before she could even process them.

_‘Tell me I don’t have to, and I’ll put a stop to it.’_

She doesn’t know why she let herself ask something so selfish… doesn’t know why her heart wanted to ask in the first place.

_‘I would walk away…’_

“I suppose it will...” Is all that’s offered, walls still up, mask on tight… as they stepped into the infirmary.

The month was a blur. The days spun by so fast Byleth wondered if she’d somehow broken time when she absorbed Sothis. And now the day was upon them. She gathered with her students at the cathedral. Rhea was positively thrilled, and met with her knights, and priests, and the few cardinals that were deemed crucial to the ceremony. Byleth stood with her class while the archbishop made her arrangements. She looked over her students and felt… something. She tried to sort it… but there wasn’t a name that came to mind. It was something like a swell of pride, but it came with a clawing idea… something that told her nothing would be the same after this. She didn’t like that feeling… she looked around and saw Edelgard and was tempted to go to her, but she and Hubert were conspiring near the back of the group. They’d been doing that more and more in the last month… perhaps some plans for graduation fast approaching, or she worried her father’s health may have taken a decline. She’d seen more imperial messengers coming in and out as of late.

“Thank you everyone for your patience, we will now enter into the Rite of Rebirth for this momentous occasion. Professor, if you’d please gather your class.” She nodded and followed after the Archbishop and her entourage.

She glanced over her shoulder as they started moving and was drawn again to that violet pull. Something that spoke volumes to her… something that was powerful and possessive. She worried that Edelgard was uncomfortable with the ceremony as well. She seemed tense.

Byleth hung back as her students passed until she was in stride with Hubert and Edelgard. The former of which constantly shot her threatening glares. She tried to think what she’d done in recent memory to earn his irk. Edelgard conversely looked concerned. Almost imperceptibly so. But Byleth knew better. And she didn’t like that look on her. She held out her hand and gently took her shoulder, pausing them both in the stairwell. Hubert paused as well, reaching at his belt instinctually. Byleth blinked at him surprised, and he flushed, embarrassed, removing his arm from what she could only imagine was a dagger, or poison, or a poison dagger.

“Go on ahead.” She told him and he looked to his lady before she nodded and affirmed it was fine. Byleth would have to figure out what that was about later.

“Everything alright my teacher?” Her voice even sounded off. Worried.

“I was going to ask you that. You seem… unsure. And I can’t say I’ve ever seen that look on you.”

Edelgard looked surprised and she saw her meticulously adjust her features back to neutral, but she couldn’t fool her. She instead slid her hand down to Edelgard’s and grasped it gently.

“I won’t let anything bad happen to you in there.” Byleth whispered. She meant it. That was her one certainty beyond all others. Edelgard again looked surprised. Perhaps a bit touched, and guilty?

“Professor…” She responded finally, a question burning in her that she didn’t think she’d ask. She watched her abandon it, and instead settle on something else. “Whatever happens in there... I thank you for our time together.” Edelgard spoke finally. She gave Byleth’s hand one good squeeze before releasing it and turning down the corridor.

“We shouldn’t keep them waiting. We must go forward… to meet our destiny.”

*****************************************************Sprouting**

Foolish. Utterly, incredibly, blindingly foolish. Was all Byleth kept thinking as she fought off wave after wave of Imperial soldiers. They’d barged in and started desecrating tombs. Pulling open lids, smashing coffins, sifting through the rubble to gather… something. She couldn’t deem what it was or care. She felt… too much. So she locked it down, and fought. Like she always had. Slicing her blade into flesh and armor was far easier than deciphering what this betrayal meant.

She scanned over her Eagles- now two short- and saw they carried themselves with the same efficiency as always. But the emotion was clear as day. They were confused… hurt… all the things she felt as she cut through the catacombs. She was getting closer to her target. The Flame Emperor… _Edelgard._

She didn’t know if she wished to reach her… wasn’t sure what she would do or say should they be face to face again.

_I am the Flame Emperor. It is I who will reshape the world. And it starts today._

Those had been her words. Her expression as impassive as ever… their exchange in the stairs making more and more sense…

Gods, how could Byleth have been so oblivious? She sliced another soldier down in her reprieve. She would not lose focus. She would not loose anything else today… though it already felt like she’d lost everything.

She needed to talk to her… to see her… to ask her, _something_. Not a clue what, but if she was struck down before she could get to her… she’d never get the chance to understand her. And she wanted to. Desperately.

Edelgard was fighting against the odds in the distance, fallen foes littered around her feet, and Byleth’s chest felt like it had been crushed by a pillar. Her adrenaline was mounted. Her instinct was to run to her side, to aide her. Someone caught her in the leg with a powerful blast of magic, and she fell to her knees, hard, gritting teeth at the pain. That sprung her. She ran. Abandoning caution. Guards grabbed her on either side… knocking away her weapon, and pulling her up with her arms behind her back. Just like that, she’d lost.

_Not yet… can’t lose her yet._

A knight pulled his blade and held it to the pale flesh of her throat.

“STOP.” Byleth called out as she slowed from her run, coming to stand in front of them. The knight pulled back, perhaps from shock and motioned to offer her the ‘honor’ of the kill. Her pulse was pounding, blade curled in her fingers, chest rising and falling as she tried to breath in.

And the piercing violet looked back to her… challenging.

_‘Well… are you going to strike me down?’_

How could she even ask her that? Her gaze was combative, but laced with something else. Perhaps a hint of regret. Not at her actions, she knew the Emperor would never… but at the outcome. At where they found themselves.

Perhaps it was wishful thinking…

Hubert was dragged up along side her, blood pooling from above his eye, wrists already bound. Scowl prominent and directed at Byleth.

“I should’ve known it’d come to this. My error was not disposing of you long ago.” Byleth ignored it. His threats were empty. Emptier than her heart at that moment as she tried to understand what to do next. How did they get out of this? How could she protect them after what they’d done?

Rhea approached, her steps echoing loudly in the cavernous space, cutting off her spiraling thoughts. Her aura absolutely hostile.

“How dare you defile this sacred place!” She all but spat at the girl. “You will pay dearly for this act of treason! Professor! Kill them!”

Surprise cut through the web of emotions she was feeling. And it quickly turned to an ache, like a dull blade pressed against her skin but not tearing through.

Kill… Edelgard? Just like that?

Killing any of her students… the idea was nauseating and made her feel weak. But… Edelgard?

If she killed her… everything they’d been through would be gone. Everything she’d built and learned over the year, about herself, about her students, it had started with the young woman in front of her. Striking her down would be the same as throwing it all away…

Byleth looked into Edelgard’s eyes, forgoing her pain, banishing her overwhelmed emotions in the moment and instead looking… searching… for something. Anything.

_‘Was it all fake…’_

Those violet eyes held firm to their resolve. They wouldn’t relent... but she needed them to. She needed a window.

_‘Was everything a lie…’_

A small crack in the mask… A look behind the walls, and to the girl beneath.

_‘Was it just in my head?’_

_‘No… it wasn’t…’_

…

She had her answer. And if it were true… then nothing else mattered. Byleth looked down at her lost weapon… a massive axe that carried the same ruins as her relic. She slid her foot under the handle as if sliding into a stance, but kept her eyes locked on hers the whole time. She saw her students surprise, but knew she understood the signal.

“What are you waiting for? Kill them!” Rhea called out.

_‘I won’t let anything bad happen to you.’_

She kicked up her foot under the handle of the axe, sending the weapon up to Edelgard, who caught it and planted the hilt into the chest of the soldier to her side in one smooth motion. Byleth kicked the soldier nearest her, extended the Sword of the Creator to clip the soldier holding Hubert, and stepped forward with a slash to cut the binds on his wrists.

She turned herself, standing between the two of them and Rhea. Where she felt she belonged…

When her father had died Edelgard asked her if she’d choose the future or the past… and she thought she finally understood the meaning of the question.

_‘I choose the future.’_

She could feel eyes burning into her… She glanced over her shoulder at the inquisitive violet. Her lips parted slightly in curiosity.

_‘I choose you.’_

The group stopped running much later, sweaty, bleeding, and winded. They’d made it to the makeshift war camp. All of her Eagles were by her side, every one who had seen what Rhea truly was… seen her form… heard her words.

_You filthy child. I will rip out your heart and reclaim what you have taken._

She didn’t understand half of it, but she knew… even if she had turned on Edelgard, she never would have spoken such terrible things.

Rhea was unstable, and the Church was too powerful. Byleth never trusted people with power. They rarely used it for more than themselves. But Edelgard… made her want to believe it could be better. She was someone who had had power… had had it held over her… and wished to use her privilege to create an even playing field.

Byleth chose her path… her vision… her…

Someone entered her tent. She didn’t need to look up to know who. She had memorized the weight of her footsteps, knew the feel of her presence. It was uniquely hers.

She kept her back to her, continued her task, washing the blood from her gauntlets, standing over a chest high table with a bucket of water. She splashed more on her face to try and futilely cool off. Her emotions spiked in two different directions. The traitorous part of her heart was glad she was here... the other part... terrified.

There were questions… many. And she was sure she would follow her regardless of the answers, but she wasn’t sure she was going to like them. She hadn’t sorted her emotions from the day, nor did she stand a chance at doing so. She was afraid to open the door to them again, to explore the pain attached…

So lost in her thoughts, she hadn’t noticed her student approaching until she felt a tentative, gloved hand on the back of her shoulder.

“Professor...” Her voice sounded tentative too. That seemed off. Edelgard was many things, tentative was not one of them. If today was any indication, she followed her instincts, obstacles be damned. A woman of action. She supposed she’d caught her off guard, and now the ambitious young Emperor was as thrown by whatever was happening between them as Byleth was.

She paused her actions and set the cloth she was drying her arms and face with down, letting out a deep breath to try to ease the rigidity coursing through her body. She was torn between asking her to leave and pulling her closer.

“Professor... I truly thank you for your aid. I... I did not expect this.” Edelgard said softly. Her usual confidence and elegance present, but something… real present under it.

“Neither did I.” Byleth responded. She felt the hand pull back from against her shoulder, and she missed it immediately... she was thankful when it returned.

“Yes, I’m sure you have many questions.” Edelgard answered in almost an apologetic tone. Byleth nodded.

“They’ll have to wait. The church moves quick, we have to move quicker... and if I start asking... I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.” She leaned her palms against the table under her hoping to grab a handhold on herself. It was easier to suppress… simpler to lock it away. Focus on the mission. Follow orders.

“Of course my teacher…” A moment of silence passed between them. This was for the best. They would be comrades. Nothing more. Then Edelgard broke her from that as she slid her arms under her shoulders, looping around them and pulling her into a gentle embrace from behind. She was a good head shorter than Byleth, and her face pressed softly between her shoulder blades. That threw all of her notions of what this was out the window. Edelgard wasn’t normally this... affectionate. This was further than either of them had crossed with each other. She instinctually raised her arm and pressed a hand over her students, keeping them together. She didn’t know why… this action was running havoc on her insides, but she wanted her there. Wanted her close. She felt her exhale a deep breath against her, and it made Byleth feel warm in her joints.

“Are you sure you want to walk down this path professor?” The question wasn’t of her convictions, nor qualities, nor morals. She knew what this was. She was giving Byleth a way out. “I chose it long ago, but there’s still time for you...”

“I chose this too.” She responded with level reassurance. She kept her hand firmly over Edelgard’s. The first time they’d met… she chose her. She chose to throw herself in front of a blade, she chose her house, and now she chose her war. Potentially all foolish choices… but they didn’t feel that way. It was like roots had been growing between them all this time, and she felt their lives intertwined, as their hands were in the moment. The reasons… the complications… the thorns mattered not. Whatever this was… it was the only thing that’d ever felt real. The only thing that felt like color.

“Of course, my apologies. I don’t mean to question your decision. I’m just... thankful.” Edelgard said, making no move to put any distance between them.

“Were you worried?” She asked softly.

“I was prepared to do what I had to…”

It was a practiced response. Clean cut enough. It was also a lie. She’d seen it in the girls stance. Her technique was sloppy… her attacks unfocused. Edelgard was one of the fiercest fighters she’d ever seen, but today she hadn’t fought like she wanted to win at any cost. She fought like someone who was afraid to kill.

“I’ve dreamt of drawing my blade against you… so many times.” She said into Byleth’s back. “And hated it every one of them. When I actually did today...” She doesn’t finish the sentence. Doesn’t have to.

“It’ll never happen again.” Byleth said. That was something she was certain of. No matter the cost.

_I never wish to point my sword at you again._

“I believe in your path. I will fight for it.” She felt the girls grip tighten further around her, as if she never wished to let her go. Part of her hoped she wouldn’t.

_I choose the future._

*****************************************************Dormancy**

“PROFESSOR!”

The sound was terrible. The fear laced within. The sadness... the certainty of it all. Then the bricks hit her.

Mountains of rubble and debris rained down on Byleth’s body, breaking her skin, her bones, mangling her in such a swift movement she wasn’t sure there was anything left... it was over quick, but Byleth felt every piece of herself break beneath the stones as if suspended in time… felt the pressure of the building crushing her... and heard one last yell from her students... her Eagles...

“PROFESSOR!” She heard violet...

Her students played through her mind... they’d made her so proud. Day after day. She cared for them with everything she was... and she hated leaving them right now, with a war looming on the horizon…

She hoped they’d achieve their goals… hoped they’d walk the paths they had dreamed for themselves.

She could envision Edelgard leading the way. She hoped she’d remember to let people in. Hoped she’d never walk alone. Hoped against hope that the world was done being unkind to her...

She hoped to find her again in the next life.

Then everything was dark.

It was darker than dark. And wet. And her form felt like it was floating but drowning, suspended in an unnatural state.

It was dark. Floating. Uneven. Restless. Dark.

Moving. Spinning. Sinking. Dark.

_Gray. Black. Brown. Blue._

_Violet._

_Dark..._

Byleth felt a dripping on her cheek. A single drop… then nothing… then another… then another… the same pattern.

She was tempted to roll over, but couldn’t find the strength to do so…

_“So… this is where I find you. All my power, and you’re simply lying here?”_

Byleth groaned… not able to find words. At least, she thought she groaned.

_“Your spirit is awake… your body must follow suit… you are needed.”_

_I am… needed?_ Byleth thought. She knew it to be true, but didn’t know why. Her mind felt a jumbled mess.

_“Yes, you are. Those little ones of yours are lost… they fight without you. They kill with out you… they bleed without you… and you promised to protect them.”_

That spiked her nerves. She felt something pulling through her core… something breaking…

_“You must rise to return to them. To return to the world.”_

Rise? She felt another drop on her cheek.

Rise from where…?

_“You really are hopeless Byleth… find your legs and **push**.”_

This voice…

_“For them.”_

Was so familiar…

_“For the world.”_

Find… legs…

_“For her.”_

Push.

Byleth’s eyes fluttered open. She lay there for awhile… wherever _there_ was. She blinked a few times… remembering… remembering…

_The Immaculate One… a battle… a building brought down in a savage strike._

She felt another drip on her cheek… felt her face pressed into the cold, coarse sand beneath. Her hand was splayed out in front of her, curled into the earth. The grains shifted between her fingers.

_They had raided Garreg Mach. Launched a battle. Her fellow professors had fought with the church._

_She stood over Hanneman, her weapon at his throat. Manuela had a spell charged and directed at her… a cool expression on her eyes. Impassive, hardened… and Byleth had stepped back to their surprise. She extending her hand to Hanneman. He had, for some reason, accepted, and she pulled him to his feet. Manuela lowered her attack and Byleth regarded her colleagues with as much passion as she could._

_‘I wouldn’t do this without reason… please consider the reason…’_

Her body felt heavy. So heavy. Stiff beyond measure.

_They had stood down. Alois had not. He died at the end of her sword with a smirk on his lips…_

_‘How am I going to explain this to Jeralt?’_

Byleth tried to move her legs. They were sluggish.

_As she neared in on Rhea, she saw the madness on her face… saw the pure wrath. She didn’t know why, didn’t know what had snapped the composure of someone so revered… but couldn’t dwell on it. She needed to put her down._

She slid her knee beneath her and pressed up on her palms with a groan. Another drip, on the back of her head.

_Rhea had pulled a relic sword, crooked, and winding back and forth that she held out menacingly. Pointed at her heart with such adamant animosity._

_A duel ensued. Metal on metal. Wild clanks breaking out and echoing across the battlefield._

_As it turned in her favor… Rhea turned too. Back to the beast she had been… this Immaculate One._

Byleth managed to get up to her knees and crouched, weight sat back on her ankles, hands at her sides to keep her steady. Her head was swimming.

_The beast was strong… the fight was close… she yelled for her students to stay back…_

Byleth realized her clothes were soaked… her skin was cold… hair wet and matted…

_The beast unloaded into the watch tower nearby and it crumbled and collapsed. The first time… it crushed everyone… but even dead tired Byleth found a string… and pulled. She could never allow that, so she tore back through time as hard as she could, and as Rhea prepared her strike she turned to her students and shouted out her commands. GET BACK… she blasted a flame spell at the line they stood, even as she fell to her knees. They were forced to retreat as the building came down… forced to watch as her strength failed her, and she disappeared under the rubble…_

_The look in their eyes… the pain… the loss…_

Byleth threw up. It was mostly water… clear and vile. She coughed into a fit as she held herself up on her palms over the contents of her stomach. She coughed again and there was more… She stayed hunched and let her body rid itself of the burning saltwater. She felt another drip on the back of her neck.

She looked up to see the stalagmites above… the perpetrators of the dripping. She took in her surroundings for the first time, realizing she was in some kind of cavern. She must have washed up here… a river ran alongside her, and she saw the rut in the bank where her body had washed up. Sand and seaweed stuck to much of her clothing, confirming her theory. Her clothes themselves were… rather destroyed. Armor rusted in spots… fabric torn, blood still caked on areas…

Her skin was pale… her finger tips looked almost purple… she shouldn’t be alive. She knew that… but she was.

And it was just as easy to accept that as it was to ponder what this truly meant… _wouldn’t be the first time._

She felt weak… so weak…

_“No more resting… the only way you will feel stronger is to get back out there. You’ve been gone too long as it is.”_

The voice was right… she’d been gone too long. Gone from her Eagles. She pushed up shakily to her feet, and slowly rose on unsteady legs. Her joints felt stiff, her body uncoordinated, but she got to a standing position before collapsing again. She breathed in and out, trying to will her blood to flow… Her muscles felt almost as if they’d atrophied. She looked across the sandy banks to see the Sword of the Creator, awkwardly stabbed into the ground. She worked her way over to it, crawling and pulling herself. When she wrapped a hand around the hilt she felt a warmth… something familiar… _someone_ familiar. A name just out of reach…

_“I missed you too Byleth. Now go."_

*****************************************************Bloom**

It was dark outside by the time Byleth got above ground… she was starting to feel clear. Clearer at least. Her body still felt like it was in a trance, and some of her motor controls hadn’t quite returned, but her mind at least was coming back to her. And the image that had resurfaced and burned itself with a fierceness was of Edelgard’s eyes as she vanished from sight. She was hurt… so hurt… as the darkness had consumed her. She’d never seen that much pain on her students face… and never wished to again. Byleth had promised to walk this path with her… and had left her almost immediately.

She needed to get to her… needed to get to her Eagles…

Garreg Mach appeared over the tree line, a silhouette growing closer. It was surprisingly, dark… not the typical bustle and sounds coming from within. She could tell from here how damaged the buildings had been, and could already make out some attempts at patching it up. The battle must have raged on after she’d been gone. She hadn’t stopped to think of how long ago that must’ve been…

She also realized as she neared… she didn’t know who’d won. Rhea had been on her last legs, and she hoped there hadn’t been any other casualties, but what if they hadn’t secured the base?

She remembered Edelgard saying it was a strategic location they couldn’t afford to overlook, so she hoped if they’d won... they’d still be here.

As she neared the gate she saw guards. But… couldn’t make out who’s side they were from.

She thought of her options. Approaching them was giving herself a chance to either be greeted, and have her questions answered immediately, or to be revealing herself to an enemy, and be struck down immediately. Perhaps it was wiser to go around?

As she pondered an arrow shot toward her and she barely had time to react, her reflexes still groggy. It caught the side of her ribs barely, but enough to break skin. She grunted and winced. Damn, she thought she’d been hidden enough from her distance, but for them to hit her regardless in the lack of light they must’ve been a truly steady shot.

There was a commotion at the gate, the guards talking. Were their voices familiar? It was hard to tell from this distance. She was half torn to run, but… needed to know. If her students weren’t here, then maybe she could figure out where they had gone instead.

But the front gate wasn’t an option.  
She moved along the side, doing her best to stay out of the snipers sights. She heard some troops move closer toward where she’d been and traversed the trees and brush as quickly and quietly as she could, her old stealth habits coming back to her.

She made it to the defensive wall and spotted an area that appeared to have collapsed. It had been hastily boarded up, reinforced to try and keep the structural integrity of the defense. The wood looked worn… she wondered where they’d gotten it from. She was able to see cracks in the structure that made for great footholds, and without much thought she started climbing. She went little by little, tuning her senses for any other incoming projectiles or people. She didn’t want to be caught off guard again in her weakened and bleeding state. She made it to the top and stayed knelt along the perimeter wall, moving cautiously and avoiding sight.

As she continued on she realized… she had no plan. How was she supposed to find anyone without getting an arrow in her chest? An idea popped up in her eye line… The Goddess Tower. If she could scale that, she could get a vantage point over the complex, hopefully at least hide out til morning. She was feeling very weary and she knew it wouldn’t be long before sleep took her again.

She neared in and saw a perfect balcony created on the second floor by a chunk of missing brick. It was a bit of a hop… but she didn’t have any other ideas. She jumped, and almost cleared it.

Upon landing her foot slipped on contact and almost lead to her plummeting toward the ground.

She grasped on the edge of the board and groaned as she felt the muscles in her shoulders pop trying to hold her up. She hadn’t exerted this much energy in… gods knew how long. She pondered how much time she’d spent in that cavern, before realizing she’d just made enough of a racket to attract attention. She needed to move quick. Pulling her sword from her belt, she stuck it in between the wooden boards and used it as an anchor, pulling herself up into the landing. With a groan she retracted the sword, still on her knees panting. She thought she might retch again.

Then the air changed, and before she could raise her defense, there was a dagger at her throat.

“Don’t move…” Spoke a voice… _her_ voice.

She turned her eyes up to meet violet.

“Edelgard?”

The dagger thudded to the ground with a gasp.

It was her.She was here… and she was… different.

The figure took a step back as if stunned. Her eyes wide and wild. Like she was staring at a ghost. Honestly, part of Byleth wondered if she was.

They studied each other as if meeting for the first time. She was about the same height as she remembered. Her silver hair was wrapped in buns and framed with a golden-horned crown that reflected the glow from the moon in an almost spectral light. The armor she wore was regal. Battle worn, she could tell, with the slight dents that broke the reflection of the night sky…

But she… was different. Her features matured… her cheeks thinner, her eyes… tired… but right now shining as if they were staring at a phantom.

“How can this be?” Her voice even sounded different.

“I don’t know.” Byleth responded, still lost. She eased up to her legs, though they felt shaky now that she was faced with her.

She felt Edelgard studying her the same way. The Emperor moved closer, still staring as if she’d blink and Byleth would vanish. She held out a hand, and seemed to want to pull it back, but eased it on Byleth’s chest instead. When she touched the cool metal surface of her armor her eyes widened, as if she’d expected to reach right through her.

Byleth needed to feel her too. To make sure this was _her_ Edelgard. She held up a hand to her cheek, saw her flinch, before leaning back into the touch. She realized how cold her hands were when she felt the warmth under her skin.

“You’re… here?” Her voice was light and soft. Byleth nodded searching her eyes for answers.

“How long?” She asked. Her voice cracked again. She had worried she’d been away for weeks… maybe months. That was a long time to be gone during a war. A lot could’ve happened.

“5 years.” Edelgard responded. Her voice carried the slightest tremor. It sucked the breath out of her chest and Byleth stepped back almost stumbling to the ground. She brought both hands up to her head.

Five years… she’d been gone for _five_ years? So many battles… so much bloodshed… and she’d been what, _asleep_ for all of it? She felt dizzy. She felt hands steady both of her arms and pull her back and there were those violet eyes again.

“Where have you been?” She asked, emotion breaking through her words. Byleth could only manage to shake her head.

“Cave.” She shook her head and stared into the floorboards. “Dead I think. But woke up in a cave.”

“We looked for you… everywhere…” She said and the idea made Byleth sadder. She pictured her students picking through rubble, unsuccessfully scavenging and searching. Feeling defeated… for _five years?_

How could she ever make this up to them…

“I’m so sorry…” Byleth said, her own voice felt weak. It faltered in that moment and betrayed her pain. “I should’ve been here…”

Edelgard pulled her into an embrace at her words, one that Byleth desperately clung to. She was afraid if she let go she’d fade away to nothing.

“You’re here now.” She felt tears spring down her cheek… she was crying… and then she felt them on her neck. Edelgard was crying too… She was crying for _her_ … _she has cried over me… she said she never would…_

That idea made her tears flow heavier.

She hadn’t wanted to leave her. Hadn’t wanted to make her cry.

“I am… so relieved to see you. So glad you’ve returned.”

“I never wanted to leave.” Byleth spoke back, and they held each other there in that space as long as they needed. In the only space that could allow their two damaged souls a chance to heal.

Byleth awoke in the morning. The morning? She hadn’t even realized she’d fallen to rest… as she stirred she realized she was in… her room. Her dorm at the monastery. It was the place that had felt the most like hers in all her life, and the feeling of home she got as she laid there was filling. Nurturing.

She looked and saw her boots had been removed, as had her jacket and most of her armor, down to her shorts and bindings with a fresh set of bandages on the wound from the arrow. She’d been wrapped in many blankets.

She felt comfortable here, as opposed to when she'd awoken soaked and freezing the day prior, and thought about resting longer when she remembered- _Edelgard._

She sprung out of bed, needing to make sure that it hadn’t been a dream. To make sure she hadn’t slept another five years… to make the most of her third chance. She threw her coat on her shoulders and went out into the world.

In the light she saw the extent of the campus, and it was much the same as when she’d left. There was some structural damage, but the grounds were far from neglected. She saw a few civilians and soldiers walking by, but no other familiar faces. It was still early, but she had to find her. To make sure that she was truly with her again.

She decided the dining hall would be central enough to start, and headed toward the greenhouse to loop back in the entrance overlooking the dock.

She briefly thought of the carnations she had planted before their last mission… that had been long ago. She wondered if anyone would have cared for them in her absence… she wondered if they’d bloomed, or wilted and died.

As she reached the stairs and looked down the sight stole her breath. The greenhouse itself had been damaged. All but destroyed with the side of the building having collapsed into the adjacent lake.

But all the planter boxes and patches outside of the building... were full... of carnations. Brimming over with them. They were lively, tall, swaying softly in the morning breeze. They were every color, colors Byleth didn’t know carnations could be.

She closed in on the flowers, a smile on her lips. Regardless of the circumstance... someone had tended the flowers. Someone had protected them in her absence. She saw that someone rise from amongst the flowers and dust off her hands before turning- and there was the violet again.

“Professor!” Edelgard seemed surprised to see her there, her cheeks even slightly blushed. Perhaps that was just from pulling weeds in the morning air.

“Edelgard... you’ve been tending the flowers?” She definitely was blushing now, and wouldn’t meet her gaze.

“We... wanted to do something when you disappeared. Bernadetta recalled you were often in here planting carnations... so...”

Her words trailed off, and Byleth’s smile grew. She stepped forward and placed a hand to her shoulder, drawing her eyes back to her.

“I only planted carnations because they made me think of you.” That made Edelgard’s eyes shift from concerned to questioning to entertained in a matter of seconds before she sighed into a smile and shook her head.

“They do, do they?”

Byleth nodded.

“They can grow anywhere, weather any storm, and need little help to survive...” She reached out with her other hand and carefully plucked the bud of a flower that was just beginning to wilt. She moved it to Edelgard’s crown and slid the stem behind her ear. Edelgard’s cheeks turned the same shade as the flower.

_Cute. Very cute._

“Just give a little soil... a little care... and they blossom.” She looked around at the fields of flowers surrounding them. “Into something beautiful.”

Edelgard stared at her with an unnamed look before finally raising a hand and taking Byleth’s in her own.

“Professor... much has happened since you’ve left...“

That pang of pain was back. She nodded, knowing it was true.

“And I will catch you up on everything as soon as I can. But I need to ask you a rather selfish question first…” Her gaze was pensive. Her voice softened. “Do you regret choosing me?”

“No.” Her answer was quick. She’d rarely dwelt on regrets. Battlefields weren’t kind to those that did. But Edelgard was something she could never regret.

“There is still time for you-“

“I’d do it again.”

She said, grasping tighter to her hand.

“I’d choose you… every time.”

Edelgard’s eyes sparkled like the night sky at twilight. Little cosmos danced as if she learned a much needed truth. She closed her eyes in a content smile. The roots dug further into the shared soil. Their fates had been twined since the day they met, and only wound deeper and deeper.

“Thank you my teacher...” Byleth leaned in so their foreheads touched and sighed against her. It felt right being here. She’d have stood there all day if she could… she’d have spent the next five years there, trying to make up for lost time…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ba bang! I let our girls be cute. I love letting them be cute in the middle of intense moments. The real yin and yang of it.  
> Next chap will be more about our gang as a whole, do you have any characters you’re really interested in seeing in this world post time-skip? My ears are open. I got 3 locked down but a lot of room to explore others, feel free to throw in some suggestions! Can’t promise I’ll get all of them in, but interested to see what you all are interested in :)
> 
> Hey my other fic shoutouts for the week! Here are 3 AU’s I’m really enjoying!
> 
> Unsportsmanlike Conduct by bogfenwetland  
> A hockey AU where Edelgard is the troubled hockey captain and Byleth the troublemaker. This one nails the kind of attracted at first sight bit in such a genuine way.  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/23375293/chapters/56008648
> 
> Triple Lutz by Ashtree11  
> An ice-skating AU where Edelgard gets a last minute partner, and it’s charming as hell and you’re probably reading it, but make sure you check out all of Ashtree’s lovely stories. Incredibly talented young writer!  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/22188592/chapters/52973128
> 
> You Must Be A Thief (you stole my heart) by cafe_au_late  
> A charming Black Eagles as gentleman art thieves AU with puns that I just started but already enjoy.  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/23687848/chapters/56870788


	4. Warm On A Cold Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byleth has reemerged from her sleep to find her students again.  
> The tables have turned, and she finds herself learning lessons from each of them.  
> As they ready for and take on the battles in the Alliance territory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS AHHH! I am here, and my instinct is to apologize for being gone for so long, but we’ll put that in the after notes to not pollute too too much at the top.  
> This chap I liked the idea of playing with parallels. And I hope you’ll see what I mean by that as you go through. The song of the chapter is!
> 
> Warm on a Cold Night - Honne  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CX5f0NcqlMs

**Part 4 - The First Time Through**

Byleth was guided into the dining hall with Edelgard’s hand strongly nestled around her own, and greeted by a group of familiar strangers. Before realizing… they weren’t strangers at all.

In an instant they had crossed the space. The speed at which they moved nearly blinding her. Dorothea (who looked equally more gorgeous and burdened) got to her first, wrapping her in the tightest embrace, with Ferdinand (wow his hair had gotten long) on her heels, and Caspar and Leonie (already armored as if they came from training) following closely behind.

Then she was surrounded on all sides, and could barely make out anything. It was like being crushed by a second building… but far preferable. She felt the arms quick to hold her, hands quick to slap her on the back, voices ringing out in a series of surprised _‘Professors?!’_ and smiles and tears she could hardly believe were for her. Her students... Everyone that had been a Black Eagle… they were here. Together.

She swore her heart beat in her chest. If not beat… the closest thing to it.

Once they’d finally stepped back enough to allow her to breathe, Edelgard explained briefly how she’d found her in the Goddess Tower, leaving out more of the… personal details of their reunion. Which Byleth found she preferred. That moment was theirs. There was still that surge of somethingness when she remembered the way she’d held her. She wanted to hold her again.

Byleth’s stomach growled rather loudly, much to the groups amusement, and Edelgard pried her from the crowd to seat her at a bench.

“You’ll all see her again soon enough. Leave her be and head to your days stations.”

There were collective grumbles, and none seemed eager to leave, but they did relent and file out one by one. Until it was only the two of them. Or, three of them, as a plate slid in front of her.

“Well, Professor...” Hubert stood in his perfectly presentable way as always. Arms behind his back, eyes calculating. His hair didn’t cover his face anymore, and she liked that he no longer felt the need to hide his intentions.

“It is good to see a familiar face.” He didn’t smile but his words felt sincere. She nodded in return before taking a bite and realizing how hungry she truly was. She technically hadn’t had a proper meal in 5 years. She almost ate the plate in her haste.

“There is much to bring you up to speed on, we’ll host a council in a few hours to-“

“No Hubert, that won’t be necessary.” Edelgard spoke up, sitting idly on the end of the table by Byleth. Her legs swung innocently, with some sweeter emotion than bliss subtly breaking through her complexion. “I think that can wait until tomorrow.”

“I don’t know if the war would agree with you.” Hubert said, sounding his typical skeptical. Edelgard merely raised an eyebrow his direction and he hung his head in a deferential bow. “But if it’s what you decree I shall allow it.”

“I think our friend could use a day to acclimate to being alive again. And I’m sure she’d like to see everyone’s progress.” Byleth nodded eagerly, cheeks still stuffed with food.

“Of course, a marvelous idea. Meanwhile, Your Majesty, I believe the knights will be awaiting their orders in the council hall.”

Edelgard sighed and nodded.

“I believe you are right.” She rose from the table casting one last look to Byleth, and there it was… that look behind the mask. Behind her walls. A window completely unguarded. It made the air itself seem to stop between them… and reminded her of the first time Sothis had disrupted the flow of time. “Professor, perhaps I will see you later?”

_‘Definitely.’_

Edelgard smiled in understanding, and it brought her a joy that even with their time apart they could still read each other so easily. She watched her go and listened until the echo of her footsteps had disappeared. Hubert removed the empty dish and slid a second plate in front of her. She smiled appreciatively, and he turned his head as if embarrassed to be thanked.

“You look like you could use it. Now hurry, there’s much to be done.”

*************************************Bernadetta & Ashe**

Bernadetta had always been a gentle soul. Timid, thoughtful, nervous, and nurturing. She was many paradoxes all in one when you stopped to look at her. And seeing her after all this time Byleth was beaming at her growth. She thought perhaps she was the one who had changed the most.

When she arrived at the training grounds she was on weapon maintenance with Sylvain and they both greeted her with a wave. She returned the smile and made to help them.

“Professor… it still so surreal to see you.” Bernie smiled wistfully, and Byleth noticed the lack of stutter. She sounded more confident… her voice was even louder.

“It’s a little surreal for me too.” Byleth responded honestly, looking around at these soldiers that had once been her students. Watching them move around the large space getting ready for their daily regiments. She found her mind trying to fill in the blanks she’d missed, guessing what their journeys had looked like without her…

“You were really gone all that time huh?” Sylvain asked, still seemingly processing such unlikely circumstance. She couldn’t fault him, she had long given up understanding it.

“Unfortunately… somehow my mind was spared and my body healed. Then I returned to it last night… and now I’ve returned to all of you.”

He nodded with acceptance at her answer and then his eyes widened.

“Shit, Bernie, do you think it was the Professor you shot at last night?”

“Wha-at? I shot you! I didn’t hurt you did I?” It appeared when she was flustered she’d return to some of her old habits, and the sound of it brought a small chuckle to Byleth’s lips.

“Just nicked me.” She assured. “But you’ve become quite the skilled shot.” The arrow had traveled 100 yards through the dark and curved around foliage before grazing her side and almost incapacitating her. _Hell of a good shot._

Bernadetta hunched her shoulders the way she used to whenever Byleth praised her adeptness, and the sight hit her like a brick of nostalgia. She reached out before she could stop herself and pat her head the way she often had when the reclusive archer was feeling overwhelmed. It was a little different now that they were closer in height, but had the desired effect, her cheeks suddenly stained pink.

“Professssorrrrrrr!” She grumbled.

Byleth stayed at the training grounds all afternoon. Watching, cataloging, learning, catching up on everything she’d missed. The mages had dueled before leaving to their studies, and their magic had far exceeded where she left off. Linhardt had learned some high-class spells Byleth had never attempted, or even heard of in a few cases. Mercedes as well, was quicker in her reaction time and had incredible control and direction of her attacks. She had been utterly relieved to see the young healer here amongst their ranks. Now she’d never have to find her on the opposite side of an enemy line.

The cavalier units took over the space after, and practiced dueling without their mounts. Leonie and Sylvain were well matched, Leonie extending her arms fully with each swing, Sylvain finally putting his whole body into his attacks. Not holding back. No move gratuitous.

Caspar and Petra used gauntlets on the other side of the space. Petra quick and ruthless as ever, but Caspar seemed to absorb hits like a sponge, and use them to get in close. Decidedly dangerous, but he had developed a knack for it.

They’d once been so young.. so new… but now all fought with the confidence and practice of hardened veterans of war.

Caspar came to sit by her as the archers were setting up their targets.

“What do ya think Professor? Blown away by my skill?” He asked jokingly.

“Yes. You appear to finally be aiming.” She said in response and he scratched the back of his head with a goofy laugh.

“Ha! Yeah makes all the difference.” They shared the silence for a moment. “You know… As ecstatic as we are all to have you back… I think Edelgard might be the gladdest.”

“Why do you say that?” Byleth asked curiously.

“It seemed like... losing you was really hard on her. She’d never let it show… but every now and then you’d see her leave a battlefield just staring off… like she was looking for someone.” The blue-haired boy tilted his head thoughtfully. “I think she was looking for you.”

Byleth felt a certain kind of prickle on her skin at that. _Edelgard had looked for her. She was glad she was here._ It didn’t take an observant person to know these things, but hearing it all the same… was nice. Byleth patted his shoulder and rose.

“Time to shake off the rust.”

She’d enjoyed watching her students, but was itching to do _something_ today. Anything. And if she hadn’t been under strict orders from Hubert to not engage in combat until they’d had her looked at by a medic she’d have gotten involved sooner. But this seemed harmless enough, so she grabbed a bow and fell in line with Ignatz, who had recently defected to the Empire at Leonie’s insistence, Bernadetta, and another student who’s progress she’d been happy to see. Ashe.

Ashe had always been a kind man, a hard worker, and endlessly patient and giving. She’d often worried he’d give too much of himself, but his optimism had been a boon for their unit. And seeing it now, unhindered, undeterred, was more of a relief than she could say.

She noticed that he’d taken some of the pieces from his dancer ensemble and worked them into his armor. And his fighting style had evolved to incorporate skills from it as well. His footwork, practically gliding through axe swings. The way he shot arrows, similarly unorthodox. Drawing back his arm with almost a flourish, but gaining massive momentum. He had matured quite well, but somehow kept that boyish smile and righteous attitude.

If Bernadetta had been the student who changed the most, Ashe seemed like the one who changed the least. And that was a positive.

His early life had been difficult. He and Dorothea would often exchange stories when they were alone of growing up on the street. How to tell if something was rotten enough to make you sick, or just taste bad. How to pick a pocket and gauge the quality of the pocket you were picking. Where to find clean water (fountains as it turned out, a lot of fountains.) And if none of that could dampen his spirits, a war couldn’t either.

She asked him about that as they shot their quivers at the 10 targets they’d set up at various distances. (She’d indeed gotten rusty, many of her arrows barely nicking their destinations.)

“What’s been the hardest part of the war?” She queried.

He didn’t miss a beat in his next shot, nor the one after as he answered.

“The people who are dead before you get there.”

She nodded. She’d never liked that part.

“You carry the burden well.” Byleth commented.

“There are always people to be saved. So you have to focus on the ones you could, not the ones you couldn’t.” His words were spoken with sincerity, but again that hint of possibility. Of optimism.

“Must’ve had a good teacher.” She said softly. Enough to pull a smile at the edge of his lips, even as he kept his eyes trained down field and his arrows flying free. Hitting close to center on every shot. Not only were his releases cleaner, they were faster. Byleth had a lot of catching up to do.

The sun had grown high in the sky, and they stayed at it. The muscles in her arms were burning, but she liked it. _Pain was weakness leaving the body._ She could practically hear her dads words, and it surprised her. She hadn’t thought of him often, but she could picture his gruff smile and slap on the shoulder. _Let your muscles burn now, so they don’t quit on you later._ Gladly.

They shot until the sun was beginning to set. No one wanting to be the one to quit.

Bernie’s speed of release was unparalleled, and her aim spot on. What surprised her further, was when she started chatting about the carnivorous plants her and Petra had gathered on a mission to Brigid. Beginning and holding a conversation where she neither withdrew or apologized. Byleth really couldn’t have been prouder if she had learned to fly.

She suddenly felt that familiar violet pull tugging at her, and followed the thread. Looking over her shoulder she saw Edelgard, sitting on the steps at the front door, watching with that fondness that kindled something in her heart. She looked radiant in the setting sun. Byleth gave a quick wave to the Emperor which was returned, and shot the last arrows from what must’ve been her 20th quiver with haste. Two missed their targets wildly, but she hardly cared any more. She returned her gear with to the wall and went to her side with a slight jog.

 _Edelgard_ … she had somehow changed but stayed the same. She had grown as a leader, she had become even deadlier as a warrior, even sharper as a tactical mind, and even more captivating to Byleth. Nothing was different, her convictions and paths were the same, and yet she had risen to the occasion on almost every count.

 _She was remarkable._ Byleth thought as she arrived in front of her, offering a hand to pull her to her feet.

“Waiting on someone?”

“Not anymore.” Edelgard responded with a confident look in her eye. It pulled a similar look from Byleth as she grasped her gloved hand and found them eye to eye (with the help of the steps.)

And _this_ … whatever this had been between them… it had grown as well.

They’d both missed dinner, their days activities getting the best of them, but found plates Hubert had left wrapped for them and the other archers, and a pot of tea brewing. Spring days were warm, but spring nights cool. The whiff of the herbal blend was incredibly soothing, and as she sipped she felt the liquid diffuse warmth through her frame. It tasted like violet. She looked up to see Edelgard watching her, though different than before. The fondness replaced with apprehension.

“Something on your mind?” Byleth wondered aloud. Edelgard shook her head with a far-off look.

“Just thinking.” She said, looking deeply into the cup she had yet to sip. Byleth set her own down and rested her palm over Edelgard’s.

“What’re you thinking of?” She asked as a gentle whisper. Edelgard looked off to the side, shielding herself from Byleth’s perceptive gaze. Or attempting to.

“We’ll be going into battle again soon... The last time we did...” Edelgard’s sentence faded with no end, but it didn’t need saying.

_The last battle was when you lost me._

“That wont happen again.” Byleth assured. She craned herself closer until Edelgard was forced to look at her, going the extra step and pressing her forehead against the Emperor’s crown, feeling the cold against her skin quickly replaced by the warmth of her eyes. Violet shimmered on all her senses.

“I’m not leaving you... ever again.” She said confidently.

“If only that were something you could control...” She said sadly.

Byleth felt the truth there. And it wasn’t like her to make grand promises. But it felt real. It felt true. She felt a pull in her chest and she wanted... _something_.

Yet another something Edelgard had given her that she couldn’t name.

“If anything were to happen… I’d find my way back. Just like I did now.” She thought of what Caspar had said. How she’d held out hope for her. Searched for her. She thought that hope should be rewarded, and perhaps she could use some of that hope in herself.

“I don’t know if it works like that.” Edelgard chuckled.

“Who’s to say it doesn’t?” She noticed how close they were as they spoke, and there was the shadow of her breath tickling her cheeks. Something hung just out of eyesight. Spoken just beyond earshot.

“Going into a battle afraid of what you can lose... is a recipe for losing.” She said softly. Edelgard hummed in acknowledgement. “But I’ll do everything I can to not end up crushed by a dragon under a building.” Now Edelgard pulled back with a silent chuckle, and covered her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Please Professor, don’t joke about things like that.” She said when she’d recovered finally looking back at her as they’d sat up.

“I’m sorry you had to lose me…” Byleth spoke in earnest. “But I will fight with everything I have to stay at your side… for as long as I am able.”

Edelgard studied her at her words, before finally lifting her tea to her lips and sipping.

“Let’s hope that that is a long time...”

Byleth smiled, as she reached for her own.

“It will be.”

_Even as things changed... Some things stayed the same._

*************************************Ignatz & Petra**

Ignatz had been a kind soul, a decent bowman, and a talented painter. And as Byleth watched them carry his body to the graves she felt the weight of his loss hang in the air. He hadn’t been her student, never directly at least, but he’d always had a way about him. A knack for noticing the details of a given moment. Some useful to their campaigns, others seemingly menial. Like the way the colors of the sky blended in unique patterns. The way the grass sprouted around stones. The shape of a leaf folded over on itself. He saw beauty in all the little things.

And he was dead. Byleth couldn’t save him.

She’d heard his final cry across the battlefield while fending off a small battalion that had ambushed them from behind. An injured Hubert at her backside, hurling Miasma’s with grit teeth while Mercedes attempted to heal his bloodied leg. She’d kept her mages safe against the ridiculous odds... but across the battlefield she’d left her archer unguarded. The boy had gone ahead to bring down an incoming troop of pegasus knights before they could overwhelm their infantry… and he’d almost succeeded. The last one broke through… a quick slash across his front… a swipe of steel… and the boy was gone. All Byleth could do was listen as his last sound of surprise filled her ears... echoing down the cavern as her mind spilled into survival. And as many lives as she claimed in the ensuing spike of adrenaline… She couldn’t erase the sound.

But she had erased Petras...

Petra had been as formidable as Byleth remembered. She had mastered her sword unlike any other student, and often dual-wielded on a battlefield. She could single-handedly clear waves of soldiers with her speed and resolve. But a group of mages appeared in the distance and collapsed a chunk of the city square, pinning Petra and leaving her a separated from any reinforcements. Byleth heard more than saw the finishing blow… and the sound snapped something in her, causing her to reach back and pull as far as she could go.

She called Petra back to the group before the mages attacked, and they were able to stay together to fight the incoming onslaught...

But it left her unable to pull when she needed it again… and she had tried. She wasn’t sure the limitations of the Goddesses power, but she reached and reached… and came up empty. The sight of Ignatz unmoving corpse spilling out a river of scarlet was a permanent one. Her power had failed her.

This war was different. It wasn’t some group of bandits, it was nations. Entire territories with limitless resources. It would be harder and harder to come out unscathed.

And she’d failed to on the first assignment.

The knowledge that she couldn’t save everyone... was terrifying.

After the battle Byleth had stayed knelt over the numerous lives she’d taken, bloodied stains and residue caking the ground at her feet. It was where Edelgard found her.

“I’m sorry.” She murmured as she felt her near.

Edelgard rested a hand on her back. Her concern evident.

“You have a habit of apologizing for things you aren’t responsible for. What is it you torment yourself with now my teacher?” Her voice was soothing, testing, a handhold.

“You trusted me to lead… and I… I couldn’t…” Edelgard came around to stand before her, pressing two fingers to her lips. Her hands smelled of sweat, and dirt. Blood and iron. When Byleth finally looked up to her eyes they were determined and set.

“You know better than that.” She said softly. “Battles claim unbiasedly.”

It was funny hearing words she’d taught directed back at her. She was right though... she did know better.

“None of us were prepared for Judith of Daphanel arriving. We should have considered more desperate measures on their part. Without your quick thinking we’d have sustained far heavier losses.”

“I still....” Byleth couldn’t quite finish the words. She grit her teeth and closed her eyes. Feeling her own weakness surface. “I thought I could still save them all...”

It had been a foolish dream, even more so to admit it. This was war. There would be casualties... but she could never consider her students as something so meaningless.

She felt Edelgard’s hand slip from her shoulder, heard her feet shift and assumed that she had walked away from her poor excuse of a General, but instead she felt her crown press against her own forehead. She opened her eyes, surprised to see such delicate violet peering back at her. The Emperor knelt amongst the carnage and lost souls.

“I wish we could.” Was all she said. No longer the strong figurehead who would conquer Fodlan... but the woman who had just lost a friend and had to carry on as if it meant nothing. Byleth pressed a hand against the back of her neck to keep her there. Edelgard didn’t fight her. They stayed close in their solace, surrounded by the smell of flesh and fire… remembering the young man who’s paints would go unused, who’s brushes would now never wear, and who had given himself to a greater cause. They would make his sacrifice worth it.

Ignatz had been the first student she couldn’t save. But she couldn’t regret using her power… Especially when she saw the sad smile Petra aimed her way. She had almost been in the ground too… there were almost two graves. Dorothea came up behind the Brigid Princess and rested her chin on her shoulder.

“In my homeland… we say a prayer for a fallen warrior. Would it be being alright if I were to honor him this way?”

“I think that would be lovely.” Dorothea offered with teary eyes. The rest of the group nodded in similar sentiment.

Petra murmured a beautiful hymn to honor the soul as it left the form and prayed the spirits guide it to the next life.

As sincere as the words were… Byleth never wished to hear them again.

_How many more will you fail to save?_

Her mind took the moment to betray her…

_What if your power isn’t enough?_

She looked to Edelgard and saw the genuine emotion behind her carefully guarded wall.

_What if I can’t save you?_

That thought was like poison.

_I have to save you._

It was the only response. And she would. She caught the Emperor’s eyes when she turned and hardened her own gaze to convey the message that had settled in her heart.

_‘Im sorry.’_

_‘More apologizing?’_

_‘Different. I won’t falter again.’_

Edelgard’s eyes widened in understanding. A small, thankful smile upon her lips. Thankful she would not be the only one to shoulder the burden.

_‘I can do this. Will do this. Until it’s done.’_

_Though they carried those they’d lost, she’d continue to fight for those they’d saved._

*************************************Lysithea & Hilda**

Lysithea had always been a brilliant student, talented mage, and hard worker. Always in a hurry to grow up and be treated as an equal. Byleth found herself constantly impressed with her, and she wished more than anything she wasn’t staring her down on the battlefield, the Sword of the Creator pointed her direction.

“Professor… I guess you'll be my final exam.” She said it with an attempt at confidence, but Byleth could see her hands shake even at this distance. She closed her eyes and hardened her resolve, then launched herself at the young silver haired warrior.

Dark spells wove her direction, and she evaded with each step, though her maneuvering left her opponent with time to put more distance between them rather than closing the last of the gap.

She charged for something powerful and Byleth retreated as the ground was eclipsed in a Luna spell. _Impressive._ She thought as the rubble blasted around her, raining down dirt. This girl really was something. She focused as another Miasma came her way, deflecting the blow with her sword, but sacrificing all momentum.

“Lose a step Professor?” Taunting had never been her strong point, and it felt like another attempt at posturing. But Byleth smirked, regardless. She saw her ally near behind her, and knew she’d lead the poor girl to a trap. Reaching for her belt she retrieved a throwing axe and bolted head on.

Lysithea readily charged a powerful spell and Byleth waited… and waited, gaining closer until she had released her spell like a canon. As she did, Byleth lobbed the throwing axe up and over Lysithea where Caspar caught it mid air, to the young warlock’s surprise. As she turned to retaliate he had already swung all his body weight into it, sending the axe spiraling into her shoulder. She fell back at the attack with a yelp of surprise or pain, and blood staining her armor immediately.

Byleth absorbed the blast and felt the spell like a horse hitting her head-on, causing her ears to ring and her vision to double. She coughed in a fit as the flat of the blade was blasted into her chest, and fell forward as the spell dissapitated, catching herself on a palm and a knee and pushing back up.

_Damn, her spells were formidable._

She hurried the last few steps to where she lay, woozy and disoriented, and Caspar had already scooped his knee under her neck and propped her up. He was speaking soft assurances to her, and she feebly grasped around the spot of impact, her face draining of color…

“That…was...s…good move.” She grit.

Byleth eased to the ground and studied the wound, gently moving her hands around the axe handle.

“This is going to hurt.” She warned, and Lysithea wearily nodded.

“Here let me.” Marianne had appeared out of thin air beside her, eyes focused, and brow furrowed. Byleth saw the intent in her pupils. This was a friend. This was a life that needed saving.

Lysithea’s eyes seemed to glow in recognition.

“M-marianne…”

She smiled lightly at her friend with a nod, and tears welled in Lysithea’s eyes.

“I won’t let this be your end Lys.” She sounded far more assertive than Byleth could ever remember, and wrapped a hand into Lysithea’s with a nod.

Byleth began pulling the axe with Marianne closing the skin every inch of the way. She watched the young girl squeeze her hand in pain that was quickly fading. The weapon finally freed from the skin, and the wound was closed with practiced ease. Lysithea let out a shaky breathe, the memory now the only remainder.

Marianne released her hand and sighed in relief.

“Thank the goddess…” The healer sat back on her knees, giving her patient space to sit up and look between the faces of her would be killers.

“What… what now?” Lysithea asked, teary eyed and conflicted.

Byleth felt a surge of certainty. There only seemed to be one path.

“Join us.” She said. Lysithea blinked.

“W-what? You would trust me? After I just tried to kill you?!”

Byleth nodded.

“Just don’t let it happen again.” She said with a shrug.

“You’re… you’re serious?” She asked again, still not believing. Marianne nodded.

“Please join us Lys… I… I can’t stand to see you hurt like that again… ever.”

“None of us want that.” Caspar repeated, his usual boisterousness tuned down for the moment. Again she looked between them as if they were crazy.

“Just like that? You would trust an enemy?”

“I don’t think of us as enemies.” Byleth said firmly, and something in the girls eyes changed. Her inner battle decidedly won or lost. She sighed.

“Well… I guess the worlds in Edelgard’s hands now.”

Byleth felt an immediate tension leave her, and a small light lit in the back of her soul. She watched the two former Golden Deer girls exchange a look of relief and Marianne pulled her into an embrace. Tears sprung down Lysithea’s cheeks.

“Caspar, get them to the back lines, make sure Lysithea’s injury is wrapped, then reconvene on the south side with Leonie’s group.”

“Roger that!” As the group parted she heard the young girl perk up slightly.

“Leonie's here too?”

Marianne smiled with a nod. The sight warmed Byleth to her core. She had been able to save someone. A student she hadn’t wanted to kill. Maybe she could get away without having to hurt any of them…

Hilda… was another story. She’d always been a clever mind. Opportunistic and tenacious. As Byleth finished off a team of soldiers she felt the girl’s presence as she’d tried to sneak up from behind, barely leaving time to deflect. Her smile reflected in rigid shapes along the span of her massive axe.

“Wow, you’re still as fast as ever Professor.” She said in her airy voice, hefting her family relic on her shoulder. She was fearsomely strong for someone who never wanted to train. Byleth found herself wishing she’d been able to get through to her back at the academy.

“Hilda… we don’t have to do this. I don’t want to do this.”

She tilted her head, still wearing her deflective smile.

“You’re telling me, I’d gladly pass it onto someone else…” She glanced around to emphasize the lack of people. “But seems this chore falls to me.” She launched herself forward.

They met, metal on metal in a series of slashes and swings. Byleth was gauging her. Her attacks severed the wind around her, and she felt the breeze shift with each swipe. She wasn’t holding back. She clipped the Professor on her next aggressive strike, and Byleth narrowed her eyes in. She couldn’t be sloppy. She couldn’t leave Edelgard alone again…

Byleth retaliated in fury at the idea, and swung a familiar but blazing fast pattern of strikes at Hilda, lulling her in her defenses until she stepped into the space she was most vulnerable. _There_. Byleth swung with everything she had, finding purchase with her blade across her chest, deep. Blood and skin and pieces of her spattering in one intense blow, dotting the air and Byleth's cheek. She blinked… stunned by her own actions. Hilda stumbled to her knees with a barely muffled cry.

“Damnit… this was a really… cute outfit you know?” Hilda laughed weakly, dropping her weapon and collapsing the rest of the way.

Immediate regret set upon her. A nausea overwhelming her sense. She didn’t know why… but she reached. And pulled.

The world turned cold and shadowed as it went in reverse. She knew a time would come when she would have to fell a student by her own hand… but gods the taste it left in her mouth was the essence of awful… Perhaps it was selfish, but it’d been an instinct… and she went with it. As she appeared back in the moment before impact she pulled back a bit, only wounding the would be corpse. Still a deep slash, still bloodied, but she managed to stay upright, propping herself on the end of her weapon. Eyes still trained on Byleth.

“Hilda… I don’t wish to hurt you.” Byleth spoke. Hilda laughed.

“Little late for that.”

“It’s not.” Byleth sheathed her relic to prove her intentions and the confused look on Hilda’s face showed her distrust. “Let me help you.”

“What’s in it for you?”

“Not spilling more blood than necessary.” Byleth said calmly. “And maybe… you’ll join us?”

“Sorry Professor, that’s not gonna happen.” Byleth frowned, and Hilda softened her smug smirk to answer the question she heard in her gaze. “What would Holst think?”

 _Ahh… so that was it._ She knew not everyone could be swayed. She knew they still had families and friends and countrymen to stand by. But… she didn’t know how to proceed now that she’d laid out her cards…

“Listen if you’re serious about not wanting to hurt me, you can just let me go.” Hilda said, trying to push up off her weapon and back to her feet. _The middle ground._ She saw a gate a few hundred yards off.

“Can you make it there on your own?” She nodded toward it across the smoking battlefield.

“What that? Sure. In my sleep.” She tried to speak casually enough, but Byleth heard the panting in her words. She was hurting. She hoped there were healers behind that gate.

“Take care of yourself.” Byleth said, making her peace, and turning to join the fray. And then… just like that… a sharp slice across the length of her spine. A surprised grunt of pain pulled from her lips, and she collapsed onto her hands and knees mid step, unable to push back up with the deep ravine of blood pooling down her nerves.

A soft, sad laugh from behind her.

“Come on professor, how could you fall for that one? It’s the oldest trick in the book.”

It was… she’d been a fool. A hopeful fool… and now… it would cost her everything. She looked back shakily at her pink haired executioner.

“Nothing personal...” She spoke, raising her axe up over her head.

 _Edelgard… I’m… so sorry._ The thought hurt more than any wound she’d sustained.

_I didn’t mean to leave you alone again…_

As the axe began its path for her neck- a sudden change in the air and a surprise of pain from Hilda, as her body was struck by two arrows, a javelin, and blasted backward by a thunderbolt. Byleth blinked in surprise, and peered as best she could in the direction of the attack to see Dorothea, Bernadetta, and Ferdinand approaching with hardened, almost frightful expressions. 

Bernie got to her first, hands trembling, bow still drawn.

“Ar..are you ok?”

Byleth couldn’t form words, merely able to look between them and the smoking heap that was once Hilda. Dorothea’s rested her palms on her back and the immediate relief of a healing spell coursed through her. She focused on the feeling of her skin reforming along the tear.

“Ferdinand watch my back.” The songstress commanded, and he nodded in response to take post.

Her students had come through… and she had almost failed them. She was supposed to be the former mercenary, hardened by battle, Ashen Demon, there to offer support and protection… and she almost fucked it all up. Almost lost everything. _Never again. I won’t hesitate ever again._

“I’m sorry.” She spoke softly.

“It is alright Professor… what matters is that we’re all safe for the time being.” Ferdinand spoke with his boisterousness. Bernadetta nodded intently with a pursed lip, looking as mighty as she could. They really were remarkable.

“Just please don’t scare us like that again.” Dorothea said, clearly distressed. She sighed as she finished healing the wound and leaned against Byleth, looking off to the side. “Sorry Hilde...” she whispered.

“Someone will have to tell Marianne later.” Bernadetta muttered.

Byleth wasn’t looking forward to seeing the pain on those brown eyes. She had just been dealt a victory… and now a loss. A friend saved… a friend killed.

Dorothea brought her back with a squeeze of the shoulder. Byleth rose and nodded. There was more to do. She turned and embraced her student, much to her surprise.

“I won’t make the same mistake.” Dorothea sighed a small laugh.

“Good. Imagine what I’d have to tell Edie?"

When they met up with Edelgard at the next touch point, backs pressed against a wall preparing for the next flurry, they shared a nod, then she saw her narrow as if studying her. She reached behind her back and grabbed her coat, seeing the slash recently left by an axe.

“What’s this?” Edelgard asked, concern evident.

“Our dear professor gave her back to Hilda.” Ferdinand informed. “But luckily I was there to save the day!”

Edelgard’s eyes widened so incredulously, but behind it the pain... the worry. Almost losing her again...

She’d almost let herself be taken.

“Professor-“

Byleth grabbed the hand that held her cloak tightly in her own and kissed the knuckle, silencing the incoming wave or reprimands and flushing the Emperors cheeks simultaneously. 

“I’m sorry... it won’t happen again.”

_‘I won’t risk us again.’_

“More apologies...” Edelgard mumbled, but made no effort to remove her hand from Byleth’s.

_Not everyone could be saved... and not everyone wanted to. But she would save her._

***********************************************Claude & Hubert**

Claude, a tricky mind, a clever shot, and right now a leader who had lost, was knelt with his signature smile and empty eyes staring somewhere off in the distance. Toward a goal slipping through his grasp. The remains of his relic sat on the ground at his opponents feet.

“You must know... that as long as I am alive, I am a threat to your supremacy your highness.” He finally said, looking to the ground with that same indifferent smile. "If I remain here, the Alliance will remain split.”

“Then leave.” Byleth said, seeing a simple solution that would stave more of her students blood. She still saw the stain on her sword that was Hilda and felt the bile in her stomach rise.

“Back to Almayra? Where I am the prince?” Claude asked with a raised, almost mocking brow. “You’d trust me not to rustle up some reinforcements and swarm the place?” He chuckled and shook his head. “And they say you don’t have a heart… at least, not one that beats. Perhaps it’s a brain you’re truly lacking Teach.”

Her blood ran frigid. _What? How did he...?_

“Maybe you really aren’t human… Humans don’t normally forgive and forget so easily.” His smile was brightly aimed, but his words, cynical. Meant to wound.

“It was you… you took the journal.” She spoke, awed at the realization of years prior. Her families only history had gone missing, as if never existing, and he... _took it?_

“Not the first to. Seteth had his hands on it, but it seemed a waste to leave such interesting information in such uninteresting hands. So I borrowed it. Has she told you everything?”

He looked between the two of them, and for a moment she wasn’t sure whom he was implying had secrets to share, either Edelgard or herself.

“Claude… I still don’t wish to kill you. I don’t wish to kill any of the students…” Byleth spoke honestly, but he merely shook his head.

“We’re not students anymore Teach. We’re full-fledge-fuckups in a world that _she_ set on fire. Just waiting our turn to burn.” She wondered when he’d become this sardonic. He directed his empty eyes to her, anger barely distinguishable beneath. “And if you would stand by her through all that she’s done… the Flame Emperor and the Ashen Demon... you deserve each other.“

They’d broken his bow, but it still felt like a cascade of arrows through the chest. She had left herself open to attack once more... _but she could defend._

“You’re bitter because you were a coward.” Byleth spoke immediately. Surprise filled the emptiness. “If you thought the world was perfect before, then maybe we’re both heartless. At least she did something about it...”

He looked truly lost for a rebuttal so she pressed on.

“I thought your goals would’ve aligned with hers. You said you wanted to change the world… change the crest system. Yet now... you defend it.”

Byleth didn’t intend it as a challenge, but can see it is taken as one. Claude’s expression shifted to a pained smug.

“Do you know what happened to your mother?”

If it was an arrow before... now it was a fist. “Do you know why the Church sees you as their weapon?”

A fist through her chest… ripping arteries from their place in her body. Crushing whatever lump of coal pumped blood between her limbs.

“They did something to you Teach, and sorry to say, but all you’ll ever be is there’s. Try as you might to be hers... you _can’t_ fight what you ar-“ His sentence cut short with a slash and a gurgle. Blood pooled down the front of his uniform and he collapsed, barely having time to grab for his throat. His empty eyes... were truly empty now.

Edelgard stared him down cooly, Aymr with one more stain across it.

“He’s wrong.” Edelgard said, eyes still on the young prince. “You don’t belong to them. And you don’t belong to me.” A small red hand gripped around Byleth’s and she grasped it like a lifeline. She never wished to release it. “You are yours my teacher.”

Her voice soothed like a salve, and it felt as if the fist that had punctured her before had been replaced by a set of gentle hands. Hands that would hold her up... instead of pulling her down. It felt like being understood. Perhaps for the first time.

_I am more yours than you think._

Hubert had always been a shrewd man. Discernible, practical, and determined to out-think the world as it was. And he’d been tailing her since they’d returned from Deirdru.

“Professor, a moment.” Hubert called out to her at the end of the war council. He’d become a rather obvious shadow that followed her from space to space, but in a way that was somewhat... comforting.

What she’d noticed with his consistent presence was just how much ground he covered in a day. She’d always admired his work ethic, and knew he was one of the only people Edelgard trusted fully, but with him in the wings she saw how much he truly cared and provided for all of their allies.

He’d follow up with Manuela on the Strike Force’s injuries, healing regiments, medicine intake. He’d strategize with Hanneman on supplies needed, locations for support, and cultural and physical significance of crests. He made sure no one skipped meals, missed a war council, or got left behind on a march. Truly a thankless and draining job... and he did it all. Day in and day out.

As the room cleared, leaving the two she wondered what the mage had in mind. He stood before her and paced slightly, arms behind his back as if putting his words in order.

“I heard what happened... in the final stand at Deirdru.” He said finally.

Byleth nodded. So that was it. He’d learned of her lack of heartbeat, or connection to the goddess, or any of Claudes other accusations that she had no means to defend. Knowing Hubert she understood why he’d be curious, why he’d need to know, and she braced herself for the incoming interrogation.

He surprised her instead.

“I’m deeply sorry... He had no right to call you those things.” She was sure... she’d heard wrong. _He was... sorry…?_

“I know that may come as some sort of surprise, given our history.” And he was right. Surprise almost wasn’t a strong enough word for it. She simply nodded.

He gripped his hands in his glove tight enough for her to hear the leather crinkle.

“I feel the need to clarify some things with you. Given this recent development.” She nodded again, though she had no idea where this was going.

“I know I have threatened your well being on occasion, should you ever become a danger to her Majesty.” _Countless times._ Again she nodded. “But I will have you know… none of those threats were out of anything less than protectiveness. It surely was not… not because I consider you _less_ than human. Some mere beast or tool.” He looked sheepish and upset at the last sentence and wiped his hand through the air as if to dismiss the notion.

Hubert was… apologizing… over potentially hurting her feelings. She truly couldn’t believe it. She pinched herself. He wouldn’t meet her eye, teeth still grit, posture still tense.

“If my words have hurt you that way, so be it, I can not undo the past. but I’ll have you know-“

“Hubert.” Byleth finally found her voice in time to speak and cut off his self-induced spiral. She could tell how long he’d been thinking about this. It had really been bothering him. She extended a hand and rested it on his shoulder. He braced himself and inhaled sharply, finally meeting her eye.

“You haven’t.” She said simply. He blinked and exhaled in a hurried breath.

“That… is a relief.” His tension erased itself. “I found the notion that I had frustrating. But it seems we are on the same page.”

Byleth smiled at her friend. She liked to think she could consider him one.

“We are.” If anything, he and the others had been the only thing that made her feel _more_ human.

“That being said… don’t think for an instant that my earlier words were mere posturing.” She found herself chuckling at the finger he pointed her way, his form of a reprimand.

”I know, I know, should I harm or allow harm to come to the Emperor, I shall be disposed of.” Byleth parroted back.

“No one likes a smart ass professor.” He turned to go when they heard a scream down the hall. It was Edelgard.

The sound made her blood run cold.

She wasn’t sure she’d ever heard her scream.

They bolted without a word, Byleth outpacing him and ripping open the door first, dagger in hand, Hubert a step behind with two dark spells charged and swirling on either hand.

When they opened the door Edelgard turned toward them looking truly startled and upset.

“What’re you-” She exclaimed, but Byleth had already entered into the room and quickly put her behind her, one arm on her waist, and the other with the raised dagger, looking for the assailant.

“Your Majesty, we heard-“

A small squeak drew their attention, and drew another quieter yelp from Edelgard. She covered her mouth with a hand to muffle her scream, and Byleth saw in her peripherals the red on her cheeks. Strange reaction for being attacked…

Hubert focused on the source... a small rat... and sighed, lowering his hands and the spells disappearing.

“Terrible apologies your Majesty, we had feared the worst and overstepped.” Byleth didn’t understand fully, but she lowered her hands, and looked back and forth between them.

“We’re terribly sorry for intruding, _aren’t_ we Professor?”

Byleth nodded, unsure what else to say, still trying to put pieces together. Edelgard was looking at the floor, seemingly embarrassed.

“With that being said.” Hubert moved toward the rat and grasped him (with surprising speed) then turned to leave the room.

Byleth faced her, finally seeing the lightbulb click in her head.

“Are you scared of rats?”

The sputtering following that statement was indignant and adorable Byleth decided. A smile replaced her worry.

She caught Dorothea smiling in the hall the next day.

“You know this is kind of thing that people write operas about.”

Byleth quirked her head.

“Opera’s huh?”

“Definitely. Falling a 200 year old monarchy is nothing to snuff at Professor. One day there will be young actresses playing you and Edie on grand stages across the land.”

Byleth found the idea silly, but it still put a smile on her face.

“I wonder if they’ll have the two leads played up romantic, even if it’s not historically accurate.” She winked at Byleth and that made a strange feeling flood her.

 _Romantic...?_ Her confusion must’ve shown because Dorothea couldn’t seem to help herself from teasing.

“Or perhaps... it’ll be more historical than we think.”

Byleth felt a warmth in her cheeks. She wasn’t familiar with it. This... something. Definitely related to the other somethings she’d been feeling recently...

But she _did_ know she didn’t care for the teasing. She furrowed her brow and looked at the songstress’ hand, noticing a wound ring of twine with small flecks of gold. She was twirling it absently, and her elated smile made more sense. Byleth would have had to be blind not to notice the number of smiles she’d seen from her lately. The way she’d been walking, with a little more spring in her step. And who she’d been walking with...

“Historically accurate? Like the Queen of Brigid finding a bride in Fódlan?” She asked, finding her return ammunition. Dorothea’s eyes widened and her lips curved in a slight o’ of surprise, but she didn’t look as flustered. She looked rather, proud actually.

“Well, we’ll have an announcement of that soon.” She twirled the ring again.

“Careful though, that was awfully close to a confession.”

Byleth somehow was still the one with the warm face. She wondered if she looked like Edelgard from the night before. That kind of flush on her cheeks when a rat had appeared. _Very cute._

“I don’t... know what to confess... it doesn’t have a name yet.” She thought of the somethings that constantly swirled in the air between them. So close... if they reached out for each other they could cross that veil... but something held them back.

Dorothea’s prying smile softened.

“Well hey, there’s no rush. Maybe those two lead actresses can talk in their own time. I’m sure they can find the name together.”

Byleth nodded.

“Together.” She repeated.

“People move at their own speed, but I think there’s hope yet.”

“People...” She repeated. And she felt a part of her grow there. A part that was honest and true.

_The way she felt made her human. She was human._

*************************************Marianne & Sylvain**

The announcement came the next day. Petra had asked Dorothea to accompany her to her homeland at the end of the war to become her queen. Their allies were all too happy at the news, quickly wrapping the new couple in praises and loving embraces. The way Petra and Dorothea looked at each other… pulled at something in Byleth’s chest. It felt violet.

Sylvain had insisted that they celebrate properly, and Hubert and Edelgard reluctantly agreed. (Though how could they deny with the fond look on Edelgard’s face directed at her friends happiness?) Sylvain insisted he’d take care of everything to plan a properly “swank” event to honor the couple.

Beforehand Byleth had someone she needed to find. Two someones… that she wanted to check in with. And as she searched the monastery grounds she happened to find them together. Marianne and Lysithea were sitting with their backs against the wall, their legs propped in front of them and arms wrapped under. They had wistful expressions, and spoke quietly, otherwise content to stay the way they were.

Marianne was perhaps the gentlest soul Byleth had ever met. She loved nature, didn’t like talking in front of people (which Byleth could relate to) and had had to bear a rather cursed crest for most of her life before coming here, earning undeserved scoff and hatred. She had come out on the other side stronger.

Byleth approached slowly and sat before them, giving a bit of separation.

“Hello Professor.” Marianne greeted.

“How are things?” She asked the duo, not sure how to begin. Just that she should.

“Things… are intense.” Lysithea said.

Byleth nodded. They decidedly were.

“You know… I thought I was ready for war.” Byleth started. “But I don’t think I was… not until Deirdru.” They looked at her with apt attention. “Because in Deirdru I found my reason.”

“Your reason?” Lysithea asked.

Byleth nodded.

“War requires one. Battles don’t, survival can be the only reason needed. But in a war… it’s so many battles… and there will be days and losses and sacrifices that make you wonder… why you’re doing it. That’s why you have to have a reason.”

“And you have one?” Lysithea asked, hopeful.

Byleth nodded again. _Hilda helped me find it._ She thought better than to say it out loud, but it was the truth.

“I do. It’s the same reason I’ve always had… but I tested it in that battle. Tried to extend it… and it almost cost me everything. Now it’s more solid than ever.” Byleth finished. Looking at the pavement.

“What I wanted to tell you, and you don’t need to have an answer right now, is to think on your reason.”

“Mines easy.” Leonie said, appearing from around the corner and coming to sit by her friends. She was received with warm smiles from the two and playfully bumped her knee against Mariannes as she sat at her side. “I want to become a legendary mercenary, like my mentor. I want… to inspire someone the way he inspired me.” She said, digging past the initial goal of it. “To do that… I have to survive. No one will tell my story if I’m not there to write it.”

Lysithea put her chin between her knees.

“I wanted to learn everything… and grow up fast… because I was scared I wouldn’t get to grow up at all. Now I want to… more than anything.”

Marianne rested a hand on her shoulder.

Byleth turned to the young healer last. Her eyes were red. She wondered if she’d cried today.

“It’s ok if you’re not ready.” Byleth offered, but she shook her head.

“I am. I know my reason. And it’s the same as Edelgard’s. I want the crest system to disappear… so people aren’t treated as _property_. Or gods or monsters… only because of what’s in them. I want people to just be treated as… people.”

Even with a voice as soft as Marianne’s her words had force behind them. They sat in the weight of her admission and the setting sun, letting the mix of shadows and light wash over them.

“I’ve been… scared of myself for a long time.” Marianne whispered into their shared silence. “And I want… I don’t want to be feared.”

“Hilda didn’t fear you…” Lysithea said thoughtlessly addressing the elephant amongst the Golden Deer girls… now forever one short.

“She didn’t… but… she didn’t have a reason.” Marianne’s composition broke, and sobs softly claimed her. The two girls to her side wrapped her in their protective arms, and she held them back.

She was right. Hilda didn’t have a reason for either side. She didn’t belong in a war. But she was loyal if nothing else, and rode that as far as she could.

Byleth wrapped her arms around them, joining the small hug. A reason was important. A reason to break away from the past.

They were all a part of her reason, and she desperately hoped to see them through their own. She would give everything she had for that chance. And as they held each other in the light of the falling sun she prayed to a Goddess she fought to overthrow... that it was reason enough.

The nights promised revelry did not disappoint. Sylvain found villagers with instruments and rustled up enough wine to convince Ferdinand and Caspar to dance on the table. (Though she was almost certain that could have happened sober.)

She watched the group mingle. Lysithea and Linhardt had been talking crest research with the kind of fervor that she’d seen bandits discuss who would win in a fight. Mercedes asked Leonie to dance, and they were laughing like school girls again. Bernadetta and Marianne sat near the wall, and chatted softly, being as close as they were comfortable to the chaos. Hubert held a glass and looked completely disapproving of the whole event, but she caught him tapping his foot. Ashe laughed heartily with Petra in the corner and they spoke of the spices from Brigid used in the dish, and Dorothea and Edelgard stood in the corner, with red in their cheeks, either from the wine or their conversation Byleth wasn’t sure. Townsfolk, other soldiers, civilians, merchants, everyone danced and mingled around them. _Equals._ This was the world they fought for. Where people… as Marianne had said… could just be people.

She found herself standing on the outside, smiling as she watched. Her instincts were to watch. To be available to protect should she need to. But it seemed they had other intentions for her. Sylvain was at her side, sliding a glass into her hand and wrapping one of her arms around his shoulder as he escorted her to the dance floor. They joined Leonie and Mercedes and she failed to keep up alongside them. Sylvain yelled for Ashe to come show them how it was done. He agreed, bringing Petra with him, and Petra beckoned to her bride to be, who smiled, and left Edelgard with a squeeze to her forearm. The Emperor smiled at them and she looked to suppress a giggle as she watched Byleth attempt to match the students footwork. Hubert came to stand by her and they chatted, though their nature was looser. She hoped it wasn’t about work, and they got to enjoy the moment for a change.

Byleth excused herself from the dance floor in time to notice Sylvain slipping out the side. She followed him, wondering what was on the young soldiers mind. Something about him had been on hers since her return.

He walked a few yards out into the cool night breeze and stared up at the stars, hands on his hips. She heard him sigh. She thought she knew why.

She arrived at his side quietly, and pondered how best to phrase her next words.

“If you wanted to return to the Kingdom… I wouldn’t fault you.”

He looked stunned and tried to cover it up with his relaxed smile.

“What, you saying you don’t trust me Teach?”

She shook her head.

“No, whatever you tell me you’ll do I trust you to do it. But… if it goes against what you believe… I won’t make you do it.”

His smile fell to something melancholy, and he sighed a long breath as his response, still staring up at the night sky.

“Why didn’t you return to the Kingdom during the war?” The question that she’d been meaning to ask sooner.

Another sigh as he studied the lights above.

“What’s the use of returning to my friends… when they’ll be on the losing side?” His easy grin long gone. Something closer to pain… something honest behind his facade. “The crest system… it has to go. It has made so many of my friends miserable… my family… Ingrid’s… I just…”

“You believe in the cause?” She answered for him. He nodded and hung his head. _He had his reason._

“I wish they did too…” He said softly and Byleth reached up and pulled him into a tight embrace. His tears came almost instantly.

“Damnit…” He said through grit teeth.

“Let them fall…” She said softly, and he nodded against her shoulder. They stood there as long as they needed. She wouldn’t count the minutes they weren’t important.

Sylvain was a tough nut to crack. He would never want to appear to be pained. To be weak. But he was human like the rest of them. He was young. And they would be marching onto his homeland soon. Fighting his people. And he would do it. She knew it was a lot to ask… but he had a reason. His was to change the future.

She would support him through it every step of the way.

_Whether the reason was in the past or the future... everyone needed one to carry on._

*************************************Edelgard**

Eventually Byleth found herself on her own, the sounds from the festivities still carrying in the air, but she saw a certain brush of red out of the corner of her eye and followed thoughtlessly after her. As she always had perhaps.

“Edelgard.” She called once within earshot. The Emperor paused in step and turned back to her with a slight smile.

“Professor. I didn’t get to see you on my way out to wish you a proper goodnight.” Byleth caught up to her and tilted her head to the side.

“If you were going to sleep I’d wish you a goodnight as well. But your rooms that way.” She nodded in the direction. “This is the way to your office.”

Edelgard shook her head with a slight huff of a laugh.

“Nothing gets passed you my teacher.” Her expression turned more serious. “There is no time for rest, we are at war, a war I started. I must work every second I can to end it.” Byleth nodded but moved forward a step into her space and reached out one of her hands, twining their fingers together. Edelgard said nothing and made no attempt to pull back. These actions had become second nature to them. Physical acts to seek solace in a world quickly spinning out of control.

“That’s a good way to work yourself to death.” Byleth spoke softly. Edelgard shook her head with another huff of a laugh.

“You sound like Hubert. And you’re both hypocrites. I’ve seen how tirelessly the two of you work.”

Byleth nodded.

“Perhaps. But this night is special.” She softened her voice and leaned her forehead closer until her skin felt the cool of her crown. She knew the weight that came with it, and couldn’t recall a time in recent memory she wasn’t wearing it. “I think a few hours of celebration are deserved."

She gently brought her hand to her lips and kissed the knuckles.

“Professor...” She said almost as playful warning.

“I’m not sorry.” She said in return, hooking a slight smile. "You’ve accomplished so much.”

Edelgard’s eyes glimmered at her words and apparent closeness.

“ _We’ve_ accomplished so much.” She clarified. “I’ve been locked in a stalemate with the Alliance for years. I don’t think I would have had the strength to face them without you by my side my teacher.”

Byleth smiled at her admission.

“Well then _we_ have earned a celebration. Come with me?”

Edelgard nodded and tightened her grasp on Byleth’s hand. She turned with a smile and walked away from the buildings toward the quiet dark the world had to offer.

“Where are we going my teacher?” She asked with a hint of humor.

“I haven’t a clue.” She responded smartly.

They found themselves on the outskirts of the gate, near the end of a hill, and overlooking a reflection of the stars themselves spanning a wide lake. Byleth sat back on the ground, reclining on her palms. She took a deep inhale of the night air, enjoying the dew and soil underhand.

Edelgard took her place beside her, sitting with far more poise and dignity, knelt on her knees.

“It is quite a lovely view.” Spoke the Emperor.

Byleth hummed in agreement.

“Nights like these… are the only thing I miss about being a mercenary.” She said with some thought. Edelgard turned to her, and decided to match her posture, swinging her legs around and leaning back against her palms.

“Do you… feel like you’re a mercenary again? With the war going?”

Byleth shook her head.

“No, it’s completely different.”

“How so?” Edelgard asked curiously. Byleth could only smile.

“Because I have you.” She noted the blush on her cheeks, and wondered if it was from the wine or her words. She had a sneaky suspicion she knew which.

The sounds from the dining hall echoed down the hill toward them.

“Silly isn’t it?” Edelgard spoke, hearing the echoes of laughter. “To still have time for things like love and engagement during a war.” Her words were not cynical, merely thoughtful. Perhaps even… envious.

“Is there ever a good time?” Byleth asked. She was genuinely curious.

“I suppose not... I’ve never given it much thought.” Edelgard laughed slightly at it.

“No?” Byleth turned her eyes toward her, and almost swallowed her tongue. The moon light shining on her was perhaps the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. The silver of her hair bouncing the reflected light off every strand. She wanted to run her fingers through them and see what moonlight felt like. Hold it in her hands.

“No. It was never a priority. As Emperor I presumed it would be arranged. Most political marriages are for gain… not love.” Edelgard looked off thoughtfully. “And with everything else I was planning… my vision for the future… the war… my ambitions always came first.”

Her words painted a vivid picture of the lonely path she had envisioned for herself.

“I suppose I haven’t thought much of it either.” Byleth responded.

She felt Edelgard turn to look at her more than she saw it.

“Much of my life was in isolation. I never felt… strong emotions during that time. Then you found me in Remire… and…” She turned to her violet gaze, feeling the warmth between them. A connection that was so strong. So steady. She wished they could find a way to give it the air it needed to expand into it’s true nature. Uncover this last hurdle they hadn’t crossed.

“And then everything felt like something. Nothing had a name, but everything had a smell, and a color. Before then it had all been so… gray.”

Her cheeks turned red again, and Byleth wondered how much wine Sylvain had gotten her to drink

“Your goal is to change the world… and I believe you will.” She reached across the grass to rest her hand on top of her red glove. “I _know_ you will. Because you’ve already changed mine.”

Edelgard’s lips parted slightly at the admission. Something she wanted to say. An idea she wanted to give life to…

“And you mine, my teacher.” She looked deep into Byleth’s eyes and she felt no need to break the tension of the look. She lost herself in those violet pools. Gladly.

“Perhaps when I have… I will have time to think about things… things like love…”

Byleth hummed in agreement, and felt bold in the moment. She turned her body toward her and raised both hands up to her crown slowly, untangling and freeing the obtrusive mantle from where it lay. Edelgard closed her eyes and exhaled as the heft of it left her body and being.

Byleth gently set it down between them in the grass. With it free she watched the way her hair caught in the wind, billowing around her as she was no longer shielded in metal. This was Edelgard… the woman she had found herself drawn to, and whom she rarely had the luxury of being. She knew she would never take down the crown around anyone else… nor would she let anyone take it from her as she had.

And a selfish part of Byleth was… glad she allowed her to see her this way. Not as the Emperor but as the person. _We’re both human. Even if others don’t get to see it._

In this moment with the way Edelgard was looking at her it was if the air between them had vanished. As if the birds had gone silent, the crickets no longer chirping, the distractions were fading away. And there was just her.

She let herself act on one more selfish desire, and reached up to run her hand through the silver strands. Moonlight felt like silk and smelled vaguely of honey. She felt Edelgard sigh into her hand.

“After the war…” Byleth said softly. Edelgard nodded, her eyes locking onto Byleth’s. And there was something… it felt like a longing. It pulled Byleth from the center of her chest. A promise that wished to be closer.

“After the war.” Edelgard agreed. She took both hands to hold Byleth’s against her cheek, and removed it slowly, curling her fingers around it. Byleth squeezed her palm, once more, letting it be their last stolen moment, before releasing her and turning away.

As her fingers came to rest on grass again she still felt the tingle of moonlight, as if it had been absorbed into her. She turned her eyes to the sky.

And as she gazed at the stars above until they disappeared behind the sun… she swore none were as bright as the violet ones she had lost herself in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoooo Boy! We did it!  
> Apologies again for being gone, this month has been rough 😅  
> So I hate that I’ve left you all on the hook this long with nothing to show for it, but I promise promise that I’m not going away, these stories are coming, there’s just lots going on, and we will fight through it! There’s still so much I want to write and stories I plan to tell!  
> BUT there is one really really awesome thing I wanna plug while I’ve got you here. I got to join in with this amazing group of writers to put together a collaborative project, and coming near the end of next month we will be hosting a Fodlan Olympics, with the characters competing in a variety of sports! It’s been an absolute blast to see the project come to life! We’ve got a twitter going if you’d like to see what athletes will be representing which sport, and which writers we have joining us for the crazy passion project!
> 
> https://twitter.com/Fodlan_Olympics
> 
> It’s definitely been taking a lot of my time lately, but I think it’s got the potential to be something really amazing and I’ve loved the experience of getting to work with these awesome writers and lovely people :)
> 
> Hope you’ll give it a chance!  
> (Thank you all again for reading the story and being around! Stay safe, be well, take care of yourselves! Bye!)


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